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Autumn of the Patriarchs

Like much of the rest of the media nation, employees at Wonkette HQ are still genuinely grieving the loss of Peter Jennings. But the depiction of the admirably plainspoken ABC News anchor as a fallen King Lear figure is getting a bit out of hand. In a psychologically, uhm, revealing remembrance, the AP's David Bauder imagines a relationship between the nation and its network newscasters that seems just a tad too intimate:


Jennings was the unflappable dad, the debonair one whose suit closet you dreamt of invading. . . .

Brokaw always dispensed plainspoken advice. He'd finish the day with a beer, not a martini. He could dress up in a tuxedo for a fancy party, even though you knew he felt better in jeans.

Rather would make eye-rolling comments half the time he opened his mouth, even as he secretly smiled at your indignation. He was a little too tightly wound, and you'd have to watch his temper. But you could count on him.

But why stop there? The punditscape is littered with father figurines, after all: John McLaughlin is the crazy mean drunk dad, primed at a moment's notice to have at you with his belt or lock you out of the house Christmas morning; David Brooks, the wannabe with-it dad who always embarrasses you by cracking wise about hipster culture he knows nothing about; Bill O'Reilly is the bitter semi-employed dad, who yells at the teevee and blames the ACLU every time the car doesn't start.

But you know, if we were forced to choose, our favorite TV dad is Nancy Grace; she's so intoxicated by her own moral certainty that she wants to punish you even before she sees your report card. And we totally dream of invading her closet.

Our Fathers, Our Anchormen [AP, via CNN]

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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John Sanders high-fives a child who is not in a filthy border jail run by his agency. (US CBP photo)

The news is coming at us so fast we have to double up stories -- like little children being crammed into border detention cells without enough blankets for everyone, that is what it is like. Tuesday, we learned Acting Customs and Border Protection Commissioner John Sanders, who has only been in the job for two months, will resign effective July 5, and will be replaced by current Acting ICE Director Mark Morgan.

The news of Sanders's resignation came by pure coincidence just hours after a CBP official told the Washington Post that 100 children would be returned to a Border Patrol detention facility in Clint, Texas; this was quite a surprise given that CBP had rushed to get over 300 kids out of that same border jail starting Monday, after lawyers reported the kids were filthy and poorly fed, and that the care of very young children had been left to slightly older kids -- like seven and eight years old. Probably just a coincidence that Sanders is deserting ship just as the news is full of just how horrible those baby jails were -- in this administration, that's something to be proud of.

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