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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, A SQUEAKY SNOW LEOPARD!


While you were sleeping, the Senate passed the Republican budget which conveniently have the Trump tax cuts for the super rich hammered onto the back end.

If you're still waking up thinking Trump's White House directives are a fat, racist fever dream, take a look at these internal policy memos that highlight the Muslim ban blanket restrictions on Muslim majority countries, bailing on the World Health Organization, and letting childhood obesity rates break existing scales.

Tea Party wingnut turned CIA director Mike Pompeo claimed the CIA has determined Russia didn't affect the 2016 election outcome, which was certainly news to the entire intel community, which said the exact opposite in January. The CIA issued a clarification saying Pompeo hadn't reversed anything, no, not at all.

Newly minted FBI director Chris Wray had words for people yesterday. They are mediocre words about morality and integrity.

B. Barry Bamz was in Virginia last night to whip people into gear for Ralph Northam's gubernatorial run. HE'S BACK!

If you read Evan's post on John Kelly's statement, you may have been asking yourself, "Wait, why were US soldiers in Niger?" Well, it's complicated, so here's some Morning Maddow to 'splainer how a lack of office supplies (and genuine incompetence) may have resulted in the deaths of four Green Berets.

Florida Democratic Rep. Frederica Wilson is livid that John Kelly accused her of taking "the money" for a new FBI building named for two fallen agents that opened in 2015, and constituents and local colleagues are backing up her up claims as she hadn't even been in office when the buildings plans were given a green light.

A federal judge in Arizona denied former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's request to clear his record of his criminal conviction, Arpaio is currently throwing a tantrum.

Don't believe the hype about Hillary Clinton ignoring Wisconsin voters; Scott Walker and the Wisconsin GOP led an active campaign to disenfranchise black voters, and there's proof.

MOAR Republican olds are bailing of the House amid their frustration with Paul Ryan and the Tea Party crazies, and that's going to make Ryan's job even harder. Poor lad.

The DNC is appointing a slew of fresh new faces, but none of them are the from the super-left progressive side of the party, and that has some of the olds worried about the future of the party.

One of Trump's golf courses SAYS it was giving millions of Ameros to charity. ACTUALLY, NPR took a gander at the books and found that's a YUGE lie.

Alabama's gay hatin' racist Senate candidate forgot to tell the IRS his charity wrote him an IOU for $498,000 Ameros. Details, details.

Thomas Farr was Jesse Helms's campaign manager in the 1980s and 1990s, and the lawyer who defended North Carolina's voter ID laws making it harder for the poor and black people to vote. Naturally, Farr is being rewarded for his years of racial fuckery with a nomination to be a federal judge.

A new University of Virginia study has found there's a belief among some dumbass medical students that black people are more tolerant of pain, and therefore don't need pain meds. These kids clearly aren't doing their homework.

Cops in upstate New York have been spying on a Black Lives Matter chapter, despite being told to stop by the New York DA's office, according to new documents that detail efforts to surveil and build files on members. Expect Trump to pardon them before they're even charged.

A new report from the Merit Systems Protection Board shows federal workers aren't being slapped on the wrist because most of them aren't actually fucking up -- which comes as a slap in the face for jerks who keep trying to make it easier to "You're Fired" federal workers.

Trump's federal nominees have been showing up to work before Congress hires them for the the job. Yes, that's illegal.

Recent raids on California grow houses have found surprising number of Chinese nationals running ad hoc businesses for the cultivation and sale of marijuana. Maybe grass DOES make you a commie?

HEY MICHIGAN! Your state just introduced a bill to ban community broadband -- these laws make it impossible for small towns to build the municipal fiber infrastructure that gives you super fast, cheap and reliable Interwebz! STOP HB 5099!

North Carolina's veto-proof GOP legislature is trying to curb stomp everything and anything Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper tries, and it's trying to entrench itself in power for decades.

Vladimir Putin, a man who has held on to power for almost 20 years by imprisoning protesters and murdering journalists, had some talky time last night and felt it necessary to opine that Americans aren't showing Donald Trump the respect Trump won fair and square.

Twitter is essentially giving the Senate's Trump-Russia investigation a paper bag full of dog shit labeled "Russian stuff" so it doesn't get accused of being a #FailWhale.

Senators John McCain, Amy Klobuchar and Mark Warner pulled the covers off the bill that would make political ads on the Internet more transparent. Suck it, Zuckerberg!

Paul Ryan was the keynote speaker at the Al Smith dinner last night, and he had some jokes. We don't like Paul Ryan, but his staff seems like they worked hard to make him appear human.

An old who served in the Navy back in the 1960's is admitting that he's full of shit after being called out as a liar for going on Fox News, claiming he was a SEAL, and then spewing his love for Trump. This guy's a phony! A big fat phony!

Dame Peggington Noonington ponders the case of one Sarah Palin, and how her rise and fall is, perhaps, a lesson, though it should be noted that Dame Noonington appears to have arrived at the memorabilia sale hungover, bottle still in hand. [Archive]

OMG! Watch Megyn Kelly dance her way to failure as her ratings continue to plummet. No wonder Hoda and Kathie Lee drink on-air!

This Colorado Cub Scout who called out his state senator for allowing wife beaters to own guns was kicked out the Scouts, and we think that's bullshit. Viva Ames Mayfield!

Neo-Nazi Richard Spencer was barely able to speak at U of Florida due to the number of hecklers. Good.

Gird your loins for love, Wonkers: your Playboy Playmate for November is Ines Rau, the first transgender Playmate!

And here's your late night wrap-up!  The Daily Show thinks this WHOLE THING is one big accidentJordan Klepper found the dark secret behind bipartisanship.

And here's your morning Nice Time! MORE BABY MEERKATS!

HELP US OUT! We're supported by readers like you, so give us money to keep the lights on, the coffee warm and the booze cold!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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