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B. Hussein Obama’s Secret Plan To Make Your Guns Into Chinese Jeeps

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In case you we wondering, Barack HUSSEIN Obama totally plans to take away your guns now that he has his second term. But you knew that already, right? Everyone knew that was Obama’s plan. Otherwise, it will be awfully hard to ship the teabaggers to the Agenda 21 approved, Sharia FEMA Camps if they are shooting back at the UN/ATF/Basij shock troops.

So, yeah, there are many good and practical reasons to confiscate all the guns in America—except those belonging the jackbooted federal agents and drug dealers—before Obama literally changes America as we know it.

However, there is a deeper motive for taking every God-fearing heartland American’s most prized possession, the limited edition Dale Earnhardt memorial bar mirror and Freedom Tray expected. Guns are made of steel (or metal, whatever) and our nation’s firearms stockpile accounts for a huge reserve of valuable metal. China wants all that metal. To build Jeeps.

Many years ago in Saul Alinsky’s madrassa, Obama cut a deal with George Soros whereby Obama would get himself elected to a second term as president and confiscate all the guns. Then he gives the guns to Soros, who melts them down and sells the metal to China for pennies on the dollar.

Obama gets a disarmed populace he can easily herd into FEMA Camps, Soros gets a tidy profit, and China gets cheap metal to build Jeeps. The Chinese will sell those Jeeps back to the U.S. government so FEMA Camp commandants can patrol their facilities in the style befitting agents of the Third World failed state regime that Obama envisions.

Probably this is why Obama had Mittens at the White House yesterday. Obama, a black, was all like: “The Greek [Soros] has a sweet metal connect, I’m talking the raw, to sell to China. Keep your crew in line on this gun thing and Bain gets a piece of that action. We co-op”

Romney, though confused by Stinger’s Obama’s “street lingo” and unable to recognize obvious Wire references, likely grasped the profit potential of Obama’s pitch and readily agreed. Typical Massachusetts moderate.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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