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Poetic Aint It
Some of you may have noticed that we have declined to comment on President Bush's record-setting vacation-going. Partly this is because we believe critics are being disingenuous in portraying this as anything like the kind of vacation normal people take. He's the President and there's no off-the-clock hours; if something big happens, he can't exactly send people to voicemail. We can wish he wasn't our President full-time ("Hello, Manpower?"), but there ya go.

The other reason we shall not mock our absentee Commander-in-Chief is that, frankly, we worry about anyone who doesn't leave D.C. in August. The fact that he goes to Crawford, well, that's a separate cause for concern. If there is any place in the world uglier than than Washington in the dead of summer, it's dry-as-dirt, boring-as-rice central Texas. We know this because the sad sack scribes who followed Bush there yesterday told us so. An anonymous kvetcher writes in after the jump.


[REUTERS/Larry Downing]

Dear Wascally Wonkette: 

 

Each summer the White House press corps packs up a month's worth of crap and heads to Waco, Texas, to stay close to their ward, President Bush, who camps out in August at his 1,600-acre Prairie Chapel Ranch in nearby Crawford. Bush knows the elite and effete Washington reporters despise Texas. He once sarcastically sympathized, "I know a lot of you wish you were in the East Coast, lounging on the beaches, sucking in the salt air" -- or, in the case of the network talking heads, dancing naked on their own private islands as they sacrifice children to the God of Eternal Youth.

 Most reporters stay at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Waco (management there puts a flier into each room -- even on the 10th floor -- explaining why there are so many goddamn crickets behind the bureau). Some who plan long stays hole up at the Residence Inn, which offers equally decrepit rooms but also a decrepit kitchenette (complete with crickets).

 So imagine one reporter's excitement when he heard there was a brand new Westin Hotel in McGregor, a tiny crossroad town just seven miles from Crawford. The reporter heard the stunning news from a waiter in the Hilton's restaurant Damon's (Motto: "Our Food Sucks Donkey").

"A Westin!?" the scribbler asked. "Munh huh," the waiter said.

And he was no liar: There's a brand new Weston Inn and Suites at the corner of routes 317 and 84. That's Weston, with an "O." But it's just like a Westin, right down to the adjoining "RV Park with Full Hookup."

But change is coming to Waco. I hear there's a Ritz Karlton under construction.

 

Sucking Donkey in Waco

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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John Sanders high-fives a child who is not in a filthy border jail run by his agency. (US CBP photo)

The news is coming at us so fast we have to double up stories -- like little children being crammed into border detention cells without enough blankets for everyone, that is what it is like. Tuesday, we learned Acting Customs and Border Protection Commissioner John Sanders, who has only been in the job for two months, will resign effective July 5, and will be replaced by current Acting ICE Director Mark Morgan.

The news of Sanders's resignation came by pure coincidence just hours after a CBP official told the Washington Post that 100 children would be returned to a Border Patrol detention facility in Clint, Texas; this was quite a surprise given that CBP had rushed to get over 300 kids out of that same border jail starting Monday, after lawyers reported the kids were filthy and poorly fed, and that the care of very young children had been left to slightly older kids -- like seven and eight years old. Probably just a coincidence that Sanders is deserting ship just as the news is full of just how horrible those baby jails were -- in this administration, that's something to be proud of.

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