Bad Year for a White House Wedding
Will Jenna Bush's shotgun wedding to dead-eyed former Rove staffer and Bush clan-approved groom Henry "Hank" Hager "the Horrible" take place at the White House? The New York Times pondered this incredibly important question yesterday, pointing out that the last time there was a White House wedding, 36 years ago, the father of the bride was a corrupt old bastard, the nation was in locked into an unwinnable war, and everyone involved eventually resigned in disgrace. Of course, that was still Dick's first term, so it's probably too late to hope for that sort of thing to happen again.
Holding Jenna's wedding at the Rose Garden or the East Room might lead to a small bump in Bush's dismal poll numbers, but a massively pregnant Jenna marrying a man she clearly hates while her twitchy father and drugged-up mother look on with a sneering, creepy Dick Cheney standing in nearby bushes fingering the gun in his vest pocket is a family portrait that would actually terrify the nation, or at least bum it out so severely that everyone would call in sick the next day and the economy would finally collapse for good.
So we're predicting a Kennebunkport affair, with cameras placed far from the action and heavily retouched photos provided to the major networks the following morning.