Badass Little Girl With Robot Hand Is Most Valuable Pitcher Of ALL TIME BASEBALL HISTORY


This is Hailey. Hailey is awesome.

All the news is sadness and gathering storms and Donald Trump, which is enough to make the whole nation go on a bender. So let's close out our Friday with a NICE TIME STORY about the coolest little girl and her totally awesome robotic hand and her wish to throw out the first pitch at EVERY BASEBALL GAME EVER. You can go on a bender after if you still want to, we're not your real dad. (Yes we are.)

Hailey Dawson is seven years old, and she's really into baseball. She has Poland Syndrome, and only has two fingers on her right hand. BUT, thanks to the wonders of medical science and robotics, she has a really cool 3D printed hand (don't worry, Olds, we still cannot wrap our head around 3D printing either) that enables her to throw baseballs like a dang champion.

As Mashable notes, Twitter can make really cool things happen sometimes:

Let's embiggen those pictures, so you can see how the Bleacher Report tweeted that Hailey wants to throw out the first pitch at every single Major League Baseball park in ALL THE LAND, which led every single MLB team in ALL THE LAND to jump in and say, "When the hell can we get this badass kid on our schedule?" SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ARE NOT CRYING YOU ARE CRYING AND ALSO YOU ARE VERY STINKY:

You'll note that the Washington Nationals were like "Yeah, she's already been here, and she's our freaking hero." Mashable notes she's already thrown the first pitch for the Baltimore Orioles, also too. You can see a picture from that game above!

Here, watch the video about Hailey from the Bleacher Report, so you can STINKY CRY SOME MORE:

The world is good sometimes.

Hailey's hand has its own Twitter account, which you can follow right here. That's where we found this picture of Hailey fistbumping Ricky Martin, with her kickass robot hand:

In fact, it seems Ricky 'n' Hailey are BFFs. Here's another one:

OK, now have an open thread and stop your damn crying.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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