Donate

Badass Little Girl With Robot Hand Is Most Valuable Pitcher Of ALL TIME BASEBALL HISTORY

Sportsball

This is Hailey. Hailey is awesome.


All the news is sadness and gathering storms and Donald Trump, which is enough to make the whole nation go on a bender. So let's close out our Friday with a NICE TIME STORY about the coolest little girl and her totally awesome robotic hand and her wish to throw out the first pitch at EVERY BASEBALL GAME EVER. You can go on a bender after if you still want to, we're not your real dad. (Yes we are.)

Hailey Dawson is seven years old, and she's really into baseball. She has Poland Syndrome, and only has two fingers on her right hand. BUT, thanks to the wonders of medical science and robotics, she has a really cool 3D printed hand (don't worry, Olds, we still cannot wrap our head around 3D printing either) that enables her to throw baseballs like a dang champion.

As Mashable notes, Twitter can make really cool things happen sometimes:

Let's embiggen those pictures, so you can see how the Bleacher Report tweeted that Hailey wants to throw out the first pitch at every single Major League Baseball park in ALL THE LAND, which led every single MLB team in ALL THE LAND to jump in and say, "When the hell can we get this badass kid on our schedule?" SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ARE NOT CRYING YOU ARE CRYING AND ALSO YOU ARE VERY STINKY:

You'll note that the Washington Nationals were like "Yeah, she's already been here, and she's our freaking hero." Mashable notes she's already thrown the first pitch for the Baltimore Orioles, also too. You can see a picture from that game above!

Here, watch the video about Hailey from the Bleacher Report, so you can STINKY CRY SOME MORE:

The world is good sometimes.

Hailey's hand has its own Twitter account, which you can follow right here. That's where we found this picture of Hailey fistbumping Ricky Martin, with her kickass robot hand:

In fact, it seems Ricky 'n' Hailey are BFFs. Here's another one:

OK, now have an open thread and stop your damn crying.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to make sure we get paid!

[Mashable]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc