BANNON, BANNON, BANNON! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 4, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Michael Wolff apparently taped all his interviews for "Fire and Furry," even if people thought they were off the record -- but this is Axios, so this a fair amount of shit attached to this "scoop."

After their romantic honeymoon phase, the rift between Bannon and Trump became an ocean because a December piece in Vanity Fair hurt Trump's feefees, and now one pro-Trump Republican strategist says, "Bannon was shot on the South Lawn and run over by a tank and the president shifted in gear and ran over him again."

Steve Bannon has been gearing up for his own huge embarrassing failure in 2020 by running around the country, kissing ass and taking names of prospective voters.

One of Trump's brilliant lawyers has sent Steve Bannon a "cease and desist" letter to stop telling reporters mean things about Donald Trump and his idiot kids.

Now that there's a war between the Bannonites and Trumpkins, Republicans are torn between which lunatic fringe candidate to support.

Yesterday, Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein and FBI Director Chris Wray went down to the Hill to have a chat with House Speaker Paul Ryan about Yr Wonkette's 2017 Legislative Shit Muffin Devin Nunes.

Chuck Grassley says that he'd be totally cool with hearing public testimony from the Fusion GPS guys, but Grassley won't release the transcript because it could put words in people's mouths.

Paul Manafort is so mad that Robert Mueller is looking into his sketchy piles of Euro Trash cash that he's filed a lawsuit accusing the DOJ and Mueller of going too far. Too bad Manafort drew an Obama judge who was on his SCOTUS short list.

Trump dumped his entire HIV/AIDS advisory panel, apparently because they're afraid all of Obama's gay scientists might make Mike Pence seek gay conversion therapy from Michele Bachmann's husband.

Congress is continuing to leave Dreamers restless with Republicans blaming Democrats for wanting to help all the filthy Mexicans, and poors, and kids, instead of cutting a blank check to #SupportOurTroops.

Since none of the states wanted to play nice, Trump has "You're Fired" his voter fraud commission and will instead make the DHS do the dirty work of finding all the ILLEGAL Messican emails who voted for Killary Kilinton.

Investors in Fannie and Freddie are waiting on pins and needles for pending legislation that could make or break the two housing lenders.

Keep your eyes peeled for the oil rigs on the horizon as the Trump administration gets ready to unveil plans to drill, baby, drill deep in ocean waters.

Since the Trump administration's list of vacant federal positions runs a mile long, Jeff Sessions appointed 17 interim US attorneys, one of whom is a Rudy Giuliani lapdog who had a secret meeting with Trump.

A number of retiring GOP members of Congress are perplexed that the animosity and partisanship they helped create has led to a government that has become locked in ideological tents.

According to Maggie Haberman, Trump's White House will now start enforcing a ban on personal cell phones to keep staff from talking to palace intrigue reporters like Maggie Hellbarmin.

Some Never Trumpers held a super secret meeting with mental health professionals to talk about Trump's insane tweet storms.

A SCOTUS case is brewing over Ohio's Motor Voter laws, the shifty Republican-crafted laws designed to purge voter rolls.

The acting director of ICE thinks that anyone who runs a sanctuary city should be arrested and charged for helping all the brown people live their lives.

Just a reminder: Super gross Republican House Rep. Blake Farenthold still hasn't paid back the $84,000 Ameros for his sexual harassment settlements. Also just a reminder: As of 2014, Farenthold had an estimated net worth $6.6 million, making him one of the wealthiest Congress creeps.

Later today, that Virginia House race that Democrat Shelley Simmonds already won by ONE VOTE will be decided when somebody draws a name from an antique bowl.

A nutty New Hampshire Republican state Rep. wants to fine state agencies $10,000 if they don't acknowledge sovereign citizens as a legal class of citizens. Maybe they can all move to sanctuary cities?

You'd never know it, but there's a number of Afghan and Iraqi translators who risked their lives for the US being screwed by Uncle Sam and the Trump administration's ignorance and laziness about doling out visas.

Mike Pence wrote a FUCKED UP op-ed about the Iranian protests that shows his ignorance and blind partisanship about history and US foreign policy in the Muslim world.

Despite repeatedly threatening nuclear war and talking about the futility of diplomatic negotiations with North Korea, Trump is attempting to take credit for dialogue between North and South Korea.

An Asia-Pacific magazine is reporting that back in April, a North Korean ballistic missile failed shortly after launch and fell into the city of Tokchon and caused "considerable damage to a complex of industrial or agricultural buildings."

Sean Hannity is just beside himself with grief now that Steve Bannon is fighting with his orange boyfriend; naturally he blamed the media for "hyperventilating" while "foaming at the month."

Michael Wolff has his own take this morning about Trump's childish temper tantrums, rampant memory problems, and the backstabbing from selfish opportunists who stalk the halls of his White House.

Somewhere deep inside Michael Wolff's book is an excerpt saying Peter Thiel was working with Roger Ailes Mercer's to make Fox News competitor, but Ailes died before Thiel could start his gay Nazi media empire.

Eric Trump accused Ellen DeGeneres of being a card carrying member of the "DEEP STATE" after it recommended he follow her on Twitter. DeGeneres responded, "Which one is Eric...I’ve got my gay agenda meetings on Mondays."

Just a friendly reminder...

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbertwants to compete with Yr Wonkette for a "Dishonest Media Award" (BRING IT, COLBERT!); Jimmy Kimmel is offered assistance for "the smoking impaired"The Daily Show talked about Trump's New Year nuclear-powered tweetstormJordan Klepper had Laura Grey talk about Nikki Haley's "Mean Girl Diplomacy" at the UN.

And here's your morning Nice Time! A SCOTTISH WILDCAT KITTEN and it's mouthy mom!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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