Bannon's Back! Back Again! Bannon's Back! Tell A Friend! Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 12, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemay be talking about today.

Steve Bannon has wormed his way back into Trump's ear, urging him to "You're Fired" Rod Rosenstein, as well as "immediately and retroactively" exert executive privilege on evidence gathered by Robert Mueller. This would be great legal advice if it were actually, you know, legal. [Morning Maddow]

The Senate Judiciary panel has decided to take up a bill on protecting Robert Mueller at the end of the month. This assumes Trump won't try to "You're Fired" within that time frame. (That is a bad assumption.)

We now have MORE information about Paul Manafort's storage unit! Apparently, the FBI agent who first poked their nose inside found an interesting box with "Ukraine Binders," and law enforcement officials immediately ran to fill out surveillance paperwork.

The Justice Department gave Devin Nunes a "narrowly tailored" document about the origins of the Trump-Russia investigation after Nunes threw a temper tantrum and threatened to impeach top FBI and DOJ officials.

As James Comey's book is being unboxed at bookstores across the country, the GOP has a plan to shit all over Uncle Sam's favorite Eagle Scout. They've even got a nickname picked out (Lyin' Comey, obvs) and a website.

People think it's Mick Mulvaney who farted in the fiscal church with an increasingly vocal opposition to Trump's attempt to slice up the omnibus, citing an already compact legislative schedule AND complications behind the 2019 budget.

Scott Pruitt's attempt to become mini-Caligula continues with a new report from the NYTimes shows that Pruitt not only wanted his own oversized challenge coin, but he also wanted to trample on the Reagan-era daisy logo designed by Neil Gorsuch's mom. Pruitt was legit worried the logo looked too much like a pot leaf.

Mike Pompeo will head to the Hill for his confirmation hearing to replace REXXON today, and he's been schmoozing the Hill for several days. But we predict a contentious hearing due to his Islamophobia, and an explanation about how he CASUALLY forgot to mention how he worked for a Chinese company that imported oilfield equipment before his last confirmation hearing.

Mick Mulvaney's appearance before the Senate Financial Services Committee later today should be a real slobber knocker, since Mulvaney has made it his mission to carve up Elizabeth Warren's baby.

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis heads to the Hill to answer questions about Trump's trans ban, Syria, and the looming SPACE WAR.

Trump's nominee for the federal judgeship in the Eastern District of Louisiana, Wendy Vitter, isn't exactly sure if Brown v. Board of Education was the "right" decision, as it could lead her down a "slippery slope" where black kids can drink from water fountains, or women can have abortions.

Space nerds are laughing off a mission to Mars until Trump and Congress decide to put their money where their mouth is.

Mitch McConnell declared the House lost even before Paul Ryan decided to skip congressional leg day forever; now Republicans are attempting to rally big donors and resources towards keeping the Senate as party leaders fear a funding collapse and exodus of incumbents.

Power hungry Freedom Crazies have declared it "Duck Season," signaling that Paul Ryan might be gone by August. Right now all the smart money is on Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, but Trump and the tin-foil hat crowd want Steve Scalise.

Sinclair has begun airing disclaimers before and after ads that ask viewers to contact the FCC to kill Sinclair's attempt to buy Tribune Media. [Video]

The NRA admitted that it's accepted membership dues and donations from Kremlin-connected creepers, but it's now refusing to work with Sen. Ron Wyden's investigation on whether that money was used for political purposes.

Teachers are still striking in Oklahoma, and support is growing in conservative states like Kentucky, West Virginia, and Arizona, where teachers are throwing down their books to protest education cuts and pension fuckery.

California Gov. Jerry Brown acquiesced to a federal request to accept funding for 400 National Guardsmen on the California border, provided they don't build Trump's wall or start arresting refugees.

The woman accusing Missouri Republican Governor Eric Greitens of being a horrible sex monster has told investigators some no-shit horror stories that make even the most depraved fetishists gag.

There's a rumor that Trump had an illegitimate child in the 1980s with a former employee, but National Enquirer bought the story from a Trump doorman in 2015. The story adds more fuel to the raging dumpster fire behind Michael Cohen.

Nobody knows what the fuck is going on with Syria right now. Yesterday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders reached new levels of incompetence by saying that "all options are on the table." This morning, Trump's tweeting a flurry of contradictions, and now the military doesn't know what the fuck it wants to do. There are known knowns, and known unknowns...

The UK's chemical weapons watchdog has confirmed that Novichok was used in the poisoning of three people, including former spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia. In a statement, Yulia has rejected an offer of assistance from the Russian embassy.

Page Six gossips that middle-aged gold diggers can't wait to date Rudy Giuliani...and we just threw up. Great, what a waste of coffee.

Conservatives spent the Zuckerberg hearings bitching about Diamond and Silk, asking why conservative voices on social are as small as their own cocks. And, wouldn't you know it, Laura Ingraham had the deplorable duo on her show.

The Zuckerberg hearings can best be described as a weird and fucked up waste of time as most legislators spent the time posturing ahead of the midterms. At the end of the day we were left with confirmation that Zuckerberg is a creepy asshole, and that most of Congress is a bunch of geriatric luddites.

And here's your morning Nice Time! A BABY TIGER!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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