Barack Obama About Ready To Jizzsplode All Over Campaign Trail

Tanned, Rested, and Ready

With the Democratic primary campaign getting closer to its exciting close (either Hillary Clinton clinching the nomination or Bernie Sanders creating a metamodern miracle of political transformation) President Barack Barry Bamz Obama is fixin' to go out and do some campaigning for the sheer thrill of it all, according to CNN. President Obama is headed to Elkhart, Indiana, for a speech on the economic recovery, and according to an anonymous White House source, is practically overcome by clichés of excited anticipation:

he's "ready to go" on the campaign trail, a source says.

Obama is chomping at the bit to get out and "get people fired up," a White House source said, but the President will remain largely on the sidelines until the Democrats have a nominee.

Obama expects to "explode onto the scene" once the nominee is selected and "knows his power" to fire up the Democratic base, the source said.

"It's driving him crazy" to be mostly hands off at this time, the source added.

The president may also be rarin' to go, stoked, revving his engine, locked and loaded, pumped up, on the launch pad, and barely able to contain himself, although the source offered no specific comment on those particular emotional states.

The president will be speaking at Concord Community High School Wednesday to call attention to economic progress since he visited Elkhart in 2009:

Since Obama's first speech there, Elkhart's unemployment rate has dropped from 19.6% to 4.1% today, according to the Office of Management and Budget. Manufacturing and graduation rates in Elkhart have also significantly improved from 2009.

While Obama will use the opportunity to tout the progress his administration has made over the past seven years, the remarks in Elkhart will also provide what the White House is calling an "opportunity to draw a clear illustration about the choice that the American people will face in November."

Obama's prepared remarks will emphasize themes of economic progress and building on his administration's successes without mentioning any candidates' names, said White House spokesman Josh Earnest, but let's see if you can guess who the likely candidates are based on this bit of advance text:

The ideas I've laid out today won't solve every problem, or make everybody financially secure overnight ... But they'll point us in the right direction. And one thing I can promise you is that if we turn against each other based on divisions of race or religion, then we won't build on the progress we've started. If we get cynical and just vote our fears, or don't vote at all, we won't build on the progress we've started. We've got to come together around our common values, our faith in hard work and opportunity for everyone. We've got to assume the best in each other, and not the worst -- because whatever our differences, we all love this country and care fiercely about our children's futures.

Hmmm... so we'll go out on a limb and say the divisive stuff is bad, and that's about Trump. We'll call that one right now.

While we're looking forward to Barry EXPLODING all over the campaign trail, we're really going to have fun when Old Handsome Joe Biden gets out there and challenges Donald Trump to go five rounds with him in a cage match. Or better yet, drag racing. Joe Biden has a '67 Corvette, and we're pretty sure Trump doesn't actually know how to drive himself at all.

Seriously guys, that is OHJB's '67 Corvette. He did a 60-foot burnout with it one time. True story. Correction: OHJB has a '67 'Vette, but like Mr. Scott's unknown liquor, it's green. Wonkette regrets, etc.

President Obama will take part in a PBS NewsHour interview Wednesday with Gwen Ifill at 8 p.m. Eastern, followed by a town hall in which he'll take questions from residents of Elkhart. CNN notes that during his final year in office,

Obama has been returning to sites in the U.S. with significance for his presidential tenure. In February, he visited Springfield, Illinois, where he first announced in 2007 he was running for the White House.

But what about Benghazi? Will he return to Benghazi, huh? No, because then Hillary Clinton would probably murder him, by accident.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc