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Our handsome and suave new president has engaged in a delightful bit of skullduggery. He sent a secret letter to the Russians! The letter was written in a rare cryptographic code on an old Enigma Machine that used lemon juice for ink. It was then rolled into a very tiny capsule that was inserted into a locket and "dead dropped" into a trash can outside the Pentagon. A sexy and mysterious lady fished the locket out of the trash and quietly handed it over to a toothless hunchbacked Peter Lorre-looking homunculus, who took it back to his laboratory and deciphered and reciphered the text, which was put into yet another locket and carried in the anus of a spy all the way to Moscow. The letter was hand-delivered to President Dmitri Medvedev by a high-ranking American official with a glass eye. The letter asked, "Do you like me? Check A) yes or B) no." [New York Times]

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