Just wake me up when the planet's destroyed.

The post-massacre consensus is in: Paris would be safe today if Barack Obama had the balls to say the magic words "Radical Islamic Terrorism." Or maybe it's that we can't actually win until he says them. Or until we elect another president who will say them. They are such incredibly powerful magic words that the president's refusal to say them suggests to some that he is in fact a Radical Islamic Terrorist himself, or so weak that he is unable to say them with enough magical force to roll a +20 killing hit against ISIS.

[contextly_sidebar id="P1mCRmDWikTfQEGdw3pRYooJVVnqedaV"]And since he refuses to actually lead America with the magic words, says New York Post columnist and Fox News contributor Michael Goodwin, then it's darn well time for Barack Obama to resign. Maybe he needs to call it a religious war like Lindsey Graham did in January. Or how about a Crusade? That would surely help.

Goodwin doesn't offer much specific proof that Obama's a failed leader, but he doesn't need to -- he's talking to New York Post readers, for god's sake.

President Obama has spent the last seven years trying to avoid the world as it is. He has put his intellect and rhetorical skills into the dishonorable service of assigning blame and fudging failure. If nuances were bombs, Islamic State would have been destroyed years ago.

He refuses to say “Islamic terrorism,” as if that would offend the peaceful Muslims who make up the vast bulk of victims. He rejects the word “war,” even as jihadists carry out bloodthirsty attacks against Americans and innocent peoples around the world.

[contextly_sidebar id="bZQBtAwjwYUzGOw9AyxZVu2AQISco2af"]Or maybe, as Obama has already explained patiently, calling ISIS -- or "Daesh," as the preferred administration term seems to be shifting to -- "Islamic" gives them a legitimacy they don't deserve. Just as the government presumably wouldn't agree that the "Christian Knights of the Ku Klux Klan" are a Christian group. But sure, maybe if he said "war" more often, instead of "fight" or "battle," then we'd all understand that ISIS is bad. It's almost as if the right hadn't noticed that we actually have been dropping bombs -- very un-nuanced bombs -- on Syria for over a year. If only we'd written the correct mystical incantations on them, they might have done more damage.

For the very little it's worth, Donald Trump agrees that the president needs to be much more adept in his deployment of Magic Words:

Maybe Obama needs to be willing to use the Cruciatus Curse, too -- though frankly, we're convinced that nothing will satisfy the Death Eaters in the Republican Party until one of their own is running the Ministry of Magic.

Having dealt with Obama's insufficient wizardry, Goodwin moves on to the outright lies:

In an accident of timing that captures his cluelessness, the president actually declared on Friday morning that Islamic State had been “contained,” practically boasting in a TV interview that, “They have not gained ground in Iraq and in Syria.”

What gall. What folly.

Except that maybe context matters? Not that the rightwing idiots give two shits for nuance (except of course when Ben Carson explains that he wasn't really selling quack medicine), but Obama never said that that ISIS was no longer a threat. As White House deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes explained on ABC's This Week Sunday, Obama was talking about "containment" only in terms of geography:

A year ago, we saw them on the march in Iraq and Syria, taking more and more population centers. The fact is that we have been able to stop that geographic advance and take back significant amounts of territory in both northern Iraq and northern Syria. At the same time, that does not diminish the fact that there is a threat posed by ISIL, not just in those countries but in their aspirations to project power overseas.

But let's see what Obama actually said. Roll 212! In an interview with George Stephanopoulos the day before the Paris attacks, Stephanopoulos asked whether ISIS was "gaining strength." Obama disagreed:

Well, no, I don't think they're gaining strength. What is true is that from the start, our goal has been first to contain, and we have contained them. They have not gained ground in Iraq. And in Syria they'll come in, they'll leave. But you don't see this systematic march by ISIL across the terrain. What we have not yet been able to do is to completely decapitate their command and control structures. We've made some progress in trying to reduce the flow of foreign fighters."

[contextly_sidebar id="WPnk6jcNoyjpOKqqpLB5XtB57w6aeXLp"]That sounds like a pretty realistic assessment of what's happening with ISIS, and a hell of a lot more accurate than some other recent presidents' men who kept insisting that the "tide had turned" in Iraq ... or that victory was right around the corner ... or that the insurgency was in its "last throes." But that was Leadership, because Dick Cheney was tough, and Obama's accurate assessment doesn't talk about kicking ass enough.

In any case, it's time, says Goodwin, for Barack Obama to stop denying reality, what with all its nuances, and commit to more powerful magic. "He must either commit to leading the free world to victory, or step aside so someone else can." Honestly, we have no idea why Goodwin thinks Joe Biden would be any more hawkish; maybe Obama could simply appoint Ted Cruz president and be done with it.

[NYP / CNN / Politifact]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

Donate with CC
Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please help, by making a donation of MONEY.

[Washington Post]

Donate with CC




©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc