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Barack Obama's Border Army Will Defeat Mexico

Joining this Spring's Mexican Border Hysteria on the Eve of Summer, Barack Obama ordered 1,200 soldiers of his elite palace legion dispatched to the frontier of Barbarian Land, in hopes of silencing the Senate and the restless southwestern provinces. The National Guard troops will join another 340 guardsmen and guardswomen already hanging around the border. It's a quiet front, what with the end of jobs in America due to the economic collapse, and the shrill insanity of Arizona's anti-brown-people law -- undocumented workers tended to want to come here for work, not to be arrested and harassed by wingnuts and soldiers. Lurching clown John McCain has, of course, demanded 6,000 troops to guard the southern border of the state he occasionally visits, to get more wads of hundreds and Ambien tablets from Cindy's purse. [Wall Street Journal/Los Angeles Times]
- Hillary Clinton arrived in Seoul last night to solve the latest North Korea/South Korea freakout. So if there's a nuclear war today, her diplomacy failed. [BBC News]
- The U.S. agency that regulates oil drilling in America had a very special office in Lake Charles, Louisiana: The drug-addled porn-addicted staff routinely took gifts from the industry they were supposedly regulating and finished the oil officials' paperwork to make sure it was just right. Meanwhile, oil spill cleanup workers are getting sick and today BP will try some other sketchy method to stop the crude gushing into the Gulf. [WBRZ-The Advocate/LAT/]