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Barack Obama's Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)

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Greetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try anEl Presidente -- it's topical and Tropical!


Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight's LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it.

8:02 NPR is playing that Election Music Fanfare that we will be sick of before the evening is over, so it is time to start this thing!

8:05 We have like three thousand people in the ChatCave, and maybe two of them have cable. Your Doktor Zoom is not one of them. This will be great! We will be looking here a lot, and here, also too!

8:08 Rich Abdill: "Florida: Obama up 73,000 votes, with around 3.6 million counted. Elections officials are now taking a quick pizza break and THEY HAVE NO NAPKINS"

8:10 Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is working those fierce hipster glasses like a Brooklyn bicycle messenger. And CNN reporters will not stop repeating the phrase "white knuckle"

Josh F: Barry is leading early in florida, which seems good? i'm assuming they won't get around to counting all the poor people votes until late, because they're all in line at their like four polling places

8:13 Kris B: this just in: majority of voters hate america

Rich A. CNN says Romney's acceptance speech is 1,118 words long. His concession speech is only, "Peace, fuckers."

Sara B. All I want to do is talk about how pretty Erin Burnett is.

8:17 NPR is interviewing Angus King, the apparent senator-elect from Maine, who's taking Olympia Snowe's seat. He says he has not yet decided which party he will caucus with, and he has a ludicrous mustache:

8:20 Kaia M. Michelle Obama tweets: "All of our hard work these past 18 months comes down to what happens right now. Let's not leave anything to chance." This is her call to obots to begin the race riots.

8:21 Your Doktor Zoom says to Kid Zoom, "Frozen P-I-Z-Z-A goes in the OVEN." Kid Zoom is not amused.

8:25 Sara B.: Bob Corker wins reelection, maintains status as my favorite Republican name to say out loud. "Bob Corker." Heh heh.

Josh notes that in Indiana, Richard Mourdock is down 6 points w/24% reporting.

Rich A: Florida's proposed amendment to remove the separation of church and state is getting OBLITERATED. Good news for Florida, bad news for blog

8:30 Kris B. sez, voting in NJ is broken you guys Also, too, officials on Staten Island are pleading for your underwear. They do not want your shirts or pants.

Sara B.: Wolf Blitzer just called the columns atop the Empire State Building "colored." Wolf Blitzer is a racist.

kristina b.: it is a building of color, duh.

8:32 Rich A. tells us that Josh Mandel losing in Ohio 36 to 60. Heckuva Job, Sherroddy!

Sara B.: Candy Crowley said "white knuckle" A FUCKING GAIN. dRINK!

Sara B.: Oh my God now she said "white knuckling it here in private." Candy Crowley loves fisting!

kristina b.: Who at the romney camp DOESN'T have white knuckles, thes are are the whitest people I've ever seen!

8:33 Rebecca S.: No Congressman The Plumber :(

8:40 Josh popped in to add that CBS News is reporting that Virginia has stopped reporting results because there are so many people still in line -- in line in Obama-areas like Richmond, Newport News, etc. Also, too, wrestling lady loses race in Connecticut (AGAIN!) and whore-cheater Menendez wins in NJ. (Where, we ask, is the justice for stiffed Ladies of Negotiable Affection?)

8:45 Rebecca S: B. Barry Bamz winning Jewishes by 40.

Rebecca S.: BUT HE HATES ISRAEL!

Kaia M.: damn. what was it in 2008?

Sara B.: NEW JERSEY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT DOMINICAN HOOKERS

Rebecca S.: probly the same or something, it was just funny cause the Republicans were CONSTANTLY claiming Jews hate Bamz...But what does Unskewed Polls say?

This has been so exciting, you guys! But the frozen pizza is ready, and Kid Zoom only burned it a little bit (we still love him very much)

We will now hand off livebloggening duties to the lovely and talented Kaia Mursi, who will take over in a few minutes... BUT FIRST! An Important Between-Livebloog Post About Mittens from Josh Fruhlinger!

Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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