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Barack Obama's Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)

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Greetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try anEl Presidente -- it's topical and Tropical!


Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight's LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it.

8:02 NPR is playing that Election Music Fanfare that we will be sick of before the evening is over, so it is time to start this thing!

8:05 We have like three thousand people in the ChatCave, and maybe two of them have cable. Your Doktor Zoom is not one of them. This will be great! We will be looking here a lot, and here, also too!

8:08 Rich Abdill: "Florida: Obama up 73,000 votes, with around 3.6 million counted. Elections officials are now taking a quick pizza break and THEY HAVE NO NAPKINS"

8:10 Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is working those fierce hipster glasses like a Brooklyn bicycle messenger. And CNN reporters will not stop repeating the phrase "white knuckle"

Josh F: Barry is leading early in florida, which seems good? i'm assuming they won't get around to counting all the poor people votes until late, because they're all in line at their like four polling places

8:13 Kris B: this just in: majority of voters hate america

Rich A. CNN says Romney's acceptance speech is 1,118 words long. His concession speech is only, "Peace, fuckers."

Sara B. All I want to do is talk about how pretty Erin Burnett is.

8:17 NPR is interviewing Angus King, the apparent senator-elect from Maine, who's taking Olympia Snowe's seat. He says he has not yet decided which party he will caucus with, and he has a ludicrous mustache:

8:20 Kaia M. Michelle Obama tweets: "All of our hard work these past 18 months comes down to what happens right now. Let's not leave anything to chance." This is her call to obots to begin the race riots.

8:21 Your Doktor Zoom says to Kid Zoom, "Frozen P-I-Z-Z-A goes in the OVEN." Kid Zoom is not amused.

8:25 Sara B.: Bob Corker wins reelection, maintains status as my favorite Republican name to say out loud. "Bob Corker." Heh heh.

Josh notes that in Indiana, Richard Mourdock is down 6 points w/24% reporting.

Rich A: Florida's proposed amendment to remove the separation of church and state is getting OBLITERATED. Good news for Florida, bad news for blog

8:30 Kris B. sez, voting in NJ is broken you guys Also, too, officials on Staten Island are pleading for your underwear. They do not want your shirts or pants.

Sara B.: Wolf Blitzer just called the columns atop the Empire State Building "colored." Wolf Blitzer is a racist.

kristina b.: it is a building of color, duh.

8:32 Rich A. tells us that Josh Mandel losing in Ohio 36 to 60. Heckuva Job, Sherroddy!

Sara B.: Candy Crowley said "white knuckle" A FUCKING GAIN. dRINK!

Sara B.: Oh my God now she said "white knuckling it here in private." Candy Crowley loves fisting!

kristina b.: Who at the romney camp DOESN'T have white knuckles, thes are are the whitest people I've ever seen!

8:33 Rebecca S.: No Congressman The Plumber :(

8:40 Josh popped in to add that CBS News is reporting that Virginia has stopped reporting results because there are so many people still in line -- in line in Obama-areas like Richmond, Newport News, etc. Also, too, wrestling lady loses race in Connecticut (AGAIN!) and whore-cheater Menendez wins in NJ. (Where, we ask, is the justice for stiffed Ladies of Negotiable Affection?)

8:45 Rebecca S: B. Barry Bamz winning Jewishes by 40.

Rebecca S.: BUT HE HATES ISRAEL!

Kaia M.: damn. what was it in 2008?

Sara B.: NEW JERSEY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT DOMINICAN HOOKERS

Rebecca S.: probly the same or something, it was just funny cause the Republicans were CONSTANTLY claiming Jews hate Bamz...But what does Unskewed Polls say?

This has been so exciting, you guys! But the frozen pizza is ready, and Kid Zoom only burned it a little bit (we still love him very much)

We will now hand off livebloggening duties to the lovely and talented Kaia Mursi, who will take over in a few minutes... BUT FIRST! An Important Between-Livebloog Post About Mittens from Josh Fruhlinger!

Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!

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Fellow Wonkers, this last week of horror has been wearing on us all, because here we are in a world where the "president" of the United States has ordered that migrant children be taken away from their parents at the border, and is simultaneously proud of it (for his base) and cravenly blaming it on Democrats because even he knows it's morally reprehensible. But what the hell can we do about it beyond calling our senators and representatives and posting sadness on Twitter, the latter of which is of dubious utility to anyone, and mostly depressing?

Resist the urge to disappear into a bottle. The kids and the families need you.

Slate has compiled a great list of places to start, which we will liberally summarize for you right now:

The thing these folks need most is LAWYERS. If you're an immigration lawyer, you're probably already swamped. But on the off chance you have time and expertise to spare, the American Immigration Lawyers Association is building a list of volunteers.

Yr Dok Zoom has given money to the fine folks at RAICES, a San Antonio-based group that has two major projects. They're getting lawyers for migrant families (and for the kids when possible) and raising money to pay migrant parents' bond so they can be out of jail and with their families. If you're in Texas, then click here to volunteer!

Update: RAICES is also holding a "what you can do" webinar this Thursday:



Also for folks who are in Texas:

The Texas Civil Rights Project is seeking "volunteers who speak Spanish, Mam, Q'eqchi' or K'iche' and have paralegal or legal assistant experience."

There's also CARA -- an umbrella organization for the Catholic Legal Immigration Network, the American Immigration Council, the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services, and the American Immigration Lawyers Association. Together, they provide legal services at immigration detention centers.

To help kids who are already in immigration detention, there's Kids in Need of Defense, which provides children with representation in immigration court and also lobbies for children's legal interests. Donate here.

If you're not quite sure where to give, ActBlue has bundled several immigrant rights groups into a single donation button -- see the list and donate here.

Remember, there's always the ACLU, which is fighting family separation with a federal class action lawsuit.

You want to march? Former top government ethics lawyer Walter Shaub, who gave up trying to tell the Trump administration what ethics even are, will be announcing the details of a national march (think DC and local affiliated marches) tonight on MSNBC's "All In with Chris Hayes." We'll make noise here, too.

Good people are coming together to put an end to this cruelty. EVERY Democrat in the Senate is now co-sponsoring Dianne Feinstein's bill to stop family separation.

And hell, we'll even give the last word to Jennifer Rubin, who seems to have reassessed some of her previous political views. She has a reminder for all of us:

Damn straight. Remember it every damn day between now and then.

It's your open thread. Don't boo -- organize. Time to RESIST.

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter

Don't take for granted that the institutions you love will always be there, like democracy, and Wonkette. Click to save at least one of them!

[Slate]

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There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

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