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With the encomia to the late First Lady Barbara Bush flying around the ether, the generous memorials from the Obamas and the boilerplate ones, wrongly dated, from the Current Occupant, the paeans to her "love story" with President George Herbert Walker Bush -- here is the only extant love letter he wrote from the war, they murmur, the other ones were "lost," and you know that means she threw them away -- it is time for Wonkette to take her unsentimentality, her brusqueness, her plain old witch-hearted cussedness as our avatar, and follow in her ways. "That woman," said President Richard Nixon -- not unadmiringly! -- "knows how to hate."

At the end of her life, she hated one person -- Donald Trump, who had humiliated her most beloved son in his sad, low-energy bid for the Oval Office. You know that old biddy voted for Hillary Clinton -- she announced as much -- and, like Cindy McCain, probably wore Suffragette White to the polls.

But before redeeming herself a tiny with a good feminism, a small decency, and some wan noblesse oblige, she had been a fairly terrible lady throughout her life.

After Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and her famously tone-deaf statement welcoming refugees to Houston -- they "were underprivileged anyway," she said of people who were living in a sports stadium, "so this is working out very well for them" -- she made a large donation to a Hurricane Katrina relief fund ... with the stipulation that the moneys be diverted to the firm of her griftiest and grossest son, Neil Bush, who had already taken slightly more than his share of taxpayer dollars when the federal government bailed out his Silverado Savings and Loan, coincidentally while his father was president of the United States!

Also, she raised George W. Bush, so she didn't have that going for her either.

There are many, many more examples of her being really an ice monster and a mean, mean woman, and I have them all highlighted in my copy of Kitty Kelley's The Family -- which is excellent, and you should buy it here so we can get a cut, and which I used as a class text when I taught "Political Scandals" at UC Irvine and accidentally called Barbara Bush a "cunt" to my undergrads. (A word and sentiment for which I'll never apologize; by all means, fire up your boycott machines, everyone, Wonkette runs solely on reader donations.) But the book is in Old Dad's room, and he sleeps in. Let's let him rest the rest of the wicked and aged, like Barbara Bush but not dead yet.

We no longer have a proper Hate-On for Barbara Bush -- it's hard to hate the very old, for one thing, as hatred softens with time, and she supported Planned Parenthood and liked the Obamas; really, nobody (besides half the Trump cabinet, and Erik Prince certainly excepted) is totally evil. But we can sit and make McKayla Maroney "unimpressed" faces while the media does its usual Old Dead Lady slobber.

Also fuck all y'all blathering on about her drive for and commitment to "literacy." The only book in her house was The Fart Book.

Pfffft.

Wonkette is ad-free and supported only by readers like you. Sure, "boycott" us. Bring it on!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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