Barry's Giving A, You Know, Very OK Speech!
Barack's giving a speech -- will it be good or his usual robotic so-so crap? Grandma's watching in the Africaland, Barry.
11:44 -- "The girls are with us tonight," and they are... nevermind.
11:45 -- Sorry that people are dying again in Arkansas or... some shit... BACK TO ME, SWEET SWEET ME!
11:46 -- They are still counting votes, but there is one thing that matters: We won! -ish!
11:46 -- Change: A++++++++++++++++
11:47 -- Red states, blue states, I wanna new state, purple state, red state, blue state Hope!
11:47 -- Farmers "stood up and said" various things about changing other things, one time, in Illinois.
11:47 -- "Maybe this year, we can do sump'm 'bout mortgages." The crowd goes wild.
11:47 -- Black children and white children are equal in South Carolina -- this is the dream I will make a reality!
11:49 -- This speech is... worse... than the last one, in South Carolina. Maybe everybody's tired, Barry the most? Oh silly me: Change never sleeps.
11:50 -- "Nothing changes because politicians just write another check." Barry, it's 11:50 p.m. -- who gives a shit about the lobbyists?
11:52 -- Hillary's cool, she's cool. But that's exactly why I will lose: She's too cool...
11:53 -- ... with Lobbyists!
11:54 -- ... and with Iran!
11:55 -- ... and with, generally speaking, being a cunt!
11:55 -- Jobs overseas -- no to that!
11:56 -- Old people -- let them retire with RESPECT! What the hell does that mean? They have Florida, they can respect themselves down there.
11:57 -- Energy, Clean.
11:57 -- 11, 9/.
11:58 -- Genocide, Hillary.
11:58 -- WE CAN DO IT ALL BABY -- IT'S DOUBLE 'R NOTHING, HOUSE RULES, WE WILL WIN EVERYTHING AND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP XOXOXOXOXO.
11:58 -- Oh, I'm afraid and cynical. Fuck you, Barry. Why do you have to say I'm cynical for thinking speeches like these are complete crap? Get a job.
11:59 -- The South Side, that's where he learned to run the United States of America.
12:00 -- You put out flyers did you, Barry? +1 towards fixing health care.
12:00 -- (Hillary sucks too, it's OK, Barry).
12:01 -- Every extra minute, I want to vote an extra minute for Gravel or some shit.
12:03 -- Clinton, Clinton, Clinton!
12:03 -- DO YOU HEAR THAT? WE ARE LIKING HILLARY CLINTON BETTER NOW, FOR NOW, AT LEAST.
12:03 -- Shut shut shut, shut shut shut, shut yer goddamn mouth. (Sang to "Jingle Bells")
12:04 -- Yes we can! Go to bed at some point because you stopped!
You just lost some MAJOR points with the Wonkette editorial staff, Barry.