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When our friend Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.,dropped out of his race for Senate earlier this week, we didn't know if we could ever love again. But you know what? The universe works in mysterious ways. It started with a simple e-mail subject line in our tips inbox: "It's okay to laugh at the mentally impaired if they're running for a public office, right?" Wonketters, you have a new 2010 election boyfriend. His name is Basil Marceaux, and he's a Republican candidate for governor of Tennessee.


You know this video is going to be good because the news anchors prefaced Basil's words by warning that they decided to give air time to every major-party candidate in the race. And, oh boy, it is a masterpiece.

It is impossible to blog about Basil Marceaux because everything he says or writes is absolutely amazing. Just look at his website. It is indescribably perfect. What can be made fun of first? We just want to live in this man's brain forever.

So we have to start somewhere. How about this campaign promise: "VOTE FOR ME AND IF I WIN I WILL IMMUNE YOU FROM ALL STATE CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE!"? That sounds good. We need to move to Tennessee and commit some state crimes.

Now do we talk about Marceaux's Web prescence? It's pretty impressive. He certainly has more stuff than Pagels or Alvin Greene do. Look, a YouTube channel.

That, umm—that is a YouTube video!

So, hmm, Marceaux is a former Marine! He served his country just like Pagels and Greene. We are proud of you, Basil!

Things I done for my citizens

1.Served in the U.S. Marine as a Force Recon, Bn. Recon, and a plain Marine who is maintain and recognized as once a Marine always a Marine with a Protect and Defend Oath land and sea , foreign and domestic against all enemy land and sea for life and no other services has this authority .

And like Pagels, he likes suing people:

2. Filed suit against Governor Sunquest for promoting Slavery in Tenn.

3.. Filed a suit against Soddy Daisy Judge for promoting slaving at traffic stops.

4 .Filled a suit against Chattanooga Free Press, Tennessean, all TV stations , Hamilton county attorney, D/A for extortion jury fixing,, racketeering, promoting slavery at traffic stops.

5.Filled a suit against Chattanooga Free Press, Tennessean, all TV stations , Cumberland county attorney, D/A for extortion jury fixing,, racketeering, promoting slavery at traffic stops

6.Filled a suit against Chattanooga Free Press, Tennessean, all TV stations , Bradley county attorney, D/A for extortion jury fixing,, racketeering, promoting slavery at traffic stops.

7. All cases was taken all the way to Tennessee Supreme Court all dismiss allowing counties court to overruled the U.S. Supreme Court concerning traffic stops and media protect them Let me us put me in office.

You know, nobody stands up against slavery anymore. Especially at traffic stops. Marceaux is truly an independent politician.

And look, he's done two more things for his citizens:

8 Fix the Flag at Mill Park to fly right at a high cost of 12 stun by stun gun and now it fly right thank to 311.

9 Ran for governor for three times, state senator 4 times, U.S. Senate once.

He doesn't say if he won any of those races, but that's a lot of elections, so he probably won at least one of those offices, right?

Here is a platform:

WHAT IMPORTANT:

1.Education

a. School violents

b. Add reading of the minutes to the U.S.Congress mandatory

c. Get more of the lottery money to 1-12

2.Equal Health care

a. a free gift program

b. take a look at and redo all mandtory insurance programs

c. See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people

3.Citzens Safety+Citizens Constitution Rights

4.Improving Our Environment

5.Budget

6.Open doors more for Tn.food manufactures

7.My plan will give the state free gas for all governmental cars and trucks

8.Make the U.S. Flag in all state buildings and court fly right. if you fly a U.S.Flag you will fly it right

Seems like a pretty good platform! And very sensical. Why didn't we think of this stuff?

ELECT AND SUPPORT:

BASIL J MARCEAUX i FOR YOUR NEXT

TENNESSEE SENATOR # 10

or

BASIL J MARCEAUX i FOR YOUR NEXT

TENNESSEE GOVERNOR 2010

Senator #10? That is our favorite number of Senator! It seems Marceaux is running for both offices simultaneously? He must be tired, as that is a lot of campaigning. What happens when he is elected to both the governorship and the state senate, as he certainly will? Constitutional ANARCHY. It's easier to just appoint him dictator of Tennessee now.

Aren't super impressed yet? Marceaux is also Tennessee's top pollster:

After calling 1000 people asking if they ever received a credit card from a company who says; here a $400. you have to pay $250. sign up fee, put we will bill you on your card and you have to pay at least$30.00 a month. This type of company prey on the poor and people they know won't pay. If there a way to stop this practice in this great state of Tennessee it will be done. Let me tell you 175 citizens were affected.

He's a regular George Gallup!

Can our country be a republic when the founders free usin 1776---then one the founder became a traitor to a republic and became a democrate then a democrary republic took charge of our time line then split in 1825 and 1866 the congress said we were invaded by the domiment party and today we say a pledge to a repulic , but democacy must live on and we say no oath to it.

The dictionary says in a democracy all members are democcrate----- I am a republican what does that make me ? a traitor

RIGHT. We have been saying this for years! FINALLY a politician speaks the truth.

who drop the ball The Coast Guard, the Army.Navy the marine until now, the people and this is all Thomas Jefferson fault he took us doun the wrong road while the real founders were kiled and jailed.

That is also a very enlightening point. As is the box with an "X" in it on that page.

Then there is this huge thing he has apparently sent to the United Nations and Lou Dobbs. Something happened to him at a traffic stop one time. Anyway, what's most important is this Sharron Angle-style exhortation:

i welcome anyone who wants to be a A SUPPORTER. I need up to $90.00 @ PERSON for campaign funds to pay for spots on tv

Let's do it, Wonketters! Your boyfriend needs help! Oh, and make sure to support his son, Basil Marceaux, Jr., in his election:

General Information: He was born in berks co. PA, on 11/05/1975 and came to Chattanooga Tn in 1981.

He now has three children and two step children, basil 3, tyler, ivey, andrew, and maggie. His hobbies include; art, reading, martial arts,and survival training. Some of his favorites are: food-steak and watermelon, color-blue, music-rocknroll. Basil Jr. is a very big animal lover (can't even stand to see an insect hurt).

Oh, and Basil, Jr. hates traffic-stop slavery too. ELECT THESE MEN, TENNESSEE.

[via Wonkette operative "Sean M."]

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