Hello, sad and destitute American: Why did you even bother waking up this morning? Did you not eat enough Ambien for dinner? We understand. (The dreamworld is the only place where we are free from Tyranny, and the brownz.) Woe is us, sigh. This doesn't even matter because nothing matters anymore, since America is Dead, but: Some dingbats made a YouTube called 'Mourning in America', a clever play on the 1984 Ronald Reagan ad that made Macintosh computers so famous. So maybe watch it as you quietly sob yourself back into an Ambien coma? Or don't ... It doesn't matter.

Every day America wakes up and recites the most depressing soliloquy whilst holding Ronald Reagan's bleached skull. This changes in November, our "N-word." [The Caucus]