Good Morning Wonketariat! We have all the newses for you, and here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Back in April, Russia tried to reset its neutered relationship with the US ; all Trump had to do was ignore all of the Russian fuckery in our election, its invasion into Ukraine, and its support of the Assad regime in Syria.

During the primaries, Trump's Moscow tower deal was coincidentally being considered by the Russian government while Trump was casually jerking off Putin all over Morning Joe. [Morning Maddow]

Sen. Bernie Sanders "Medicare for all" plan continues to suck in progressives, 2020 contenders, and potentially even Sen. Joe Manchin. WHUT.

The NRA is whispering in the ears of the GOP with new legislation that would relax regulations on gun silencers. How else are you supposed to hunt wolves from a helicopter with an assault rifle?

Chains to shackle Silicon Valley are being dragged across Capitol Hill as Democrats talk about anti-trust regulations, and Republicans bemoan "fake news" that accuses them of screwing the poor and minorities.

Tea Party wackos led by Congressmen David Brat and Mark Meadows continue to throw tantrums and scream about LIBERALS, like Steve Mnuchin and Gary Cohn spearheading efforts at poor fucking tax reform.

The State Department continues to hemorrhage employees, and now State's anti-propaganda center is totally empty and all the Russia analysts area gone.

Democratic Sen. Patty Murray is cutting Princess Ivanka off and introducing a child care bill that would mandate more federal funding for child care so poor and middle-class people don't go broke.

A bipartisan group of House Reps. pushed through an amendment that would restore the 2015 restrictions on civil asset forfeiture that Jeff Sessions tried to kill. AND IT PASSED.

Mike Flynn was pushing for a "Marshall Plan" to control nuclear power in the Middle East, and, in typical Mike Flynn fashion, he accidentally forgot to tell anyone he was taking Ameros from the very companies vying to control said nuclear power plants in Not America.

A chartered rescue ship by Marriott stranded dozens of people, including children and the elderly, on the island of St. Thomas after Hurricane Harvey barreled through simply because they weren't guests of the hotel -- despite having more than enough space to accommodate them.  If you're about to rage, here's emergency kittens.

The Office of Inspector General is investigating the Interior Department after allegations of retaliation and favoritism stemming from the reassignment of a fuckton of Senior Executive Service members by Interior Secretary (and low-rent Lex Luthor) Ryan Zinke.

After an Indian national was gunned down in an ALLEGED hate crime in Kansas, his wife faced deportation, however she's been granted a work visa from Republican Rep. Kevin Yoder. File this one so you can shove it in the face of jerks who bitch about immigration.

Turkey just signed a deal to buy Russian surface-to-air missiles, a big slap in the face to NATO. I hope they read the fine print.

Here is a stupid shiny object story being pushed by Trump's White House about people who don't like Omarosa. It's a dumb distraction from substantive policy issues; you don't need to read it, but consider yourself informed.

Jamie Dimon was doing some talky time with money nerds on teevee and started bitching about Bitcoin, the internet's magic funny money, as its roller coaster ride to the moon is now beginning to affect global markets and big banks.

NICE TIME! Mother nature isn't nearly as badass as Sister Margaret Ann, a Florida nun who didn't have time to wait for rescue crews to start clearing debris, so she grabbed a chainsaw and her habit and got to work. Groovy!

We're waiting for the weekend to read Katy Tur's new book where she talks about Sean Spicer's stupidity and that time that Trump tried to damage her credibility as a journalist by attempting kiss her on set like some Eurotrash sleazeball. (Oh wait we covered that.) We heart you, Katy Tur!

And here's your morning Nice Time! SNOW LEOPARD CUBS!

It's readers like you who keep us inserting clever dick jokes into the news. GIVE US MONEY (please)!
Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc