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[contextly_sidebar id="lfN3WUqbSh3veAFL0IIxQUR1TZOUkvtj"]Guys. GUYS. Ben Carson is so excited about his presidential candidate Donald Trump, he can barely keep his eyes open! Whereas Dr. Carson usually closes his eyes when he wants a little nap or he's doing a debate, this time it's because he's having a million orgasms. He told this to wingnut radio man Steve Malzberg:

I have to look at what is practical. I didn’t see a path for Kasich, who I like, or for Rubio, who I like. As far as Cruz is concerned, I don't think that he's going to be able to draw independents and Democrats, unless he has some kind of miraculous change. So I have to look at what is practical and what is going to save this country and the American dream for the next generation. Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes — but that scenario isn’t available.

Malzberg asked Carson to clarify if he meant he would rather have endorsed a different candidate, and he was like, "Yeah." Sweet Jesus in heaven, his cup brimmeth over with joy for his boy Trump, don't it?


[contextly_sidebar id="or70vkO7iKIC7OvagtpWJDQiJSGac4t1"]But it's FINE. God whispered in Dr. Carson's ear about the election (and some more answers for his college chemistry final), and apparently He also promised Carson would get a little "reward" for his endorsement! Like, a financial reward. And maybe a job in the Trump administration! Maybe he could be the surgeon general! Maybe he could be the Secretary Of Stabbing! Or maybe we could build some pyramids and Carson could traverse the nation gathering grain to put in them. WHATEVER.

He will surround himself with very good people … I will be doing things as well … certainly in an advisory capacity … We haven’t hammered out all of the details but it is very important, you know,  that we work together in this country.

Oh OK. Is Dr. Carson saying he's actually going to be in Trump's CABINET, though? Did Trump say a promise that Carson could have some kind of fun little job in his administration?

Again, I’m not going to reveal any details because all of this is still very liquid.

[contextly_sidebar id="6dIizPSMBnSKIun2vm6IOSNTwNwcjgFO"]It's too "liquid" for Carson to talk about. Oh by the way, did you know that promising somebody a position in your administration in exchange for a sexxxy endorsement is against FEDERAL LAW? It is! And while we know that Ben Carson has lived most of his life doing crimes and protecting Popeyes chicken organizations from fellow criminals, we are for to be shocked that Carson would openly admit something like this!

[contextly_sidebar id="XtgBPYaX7qDvRVjtSn68iB0wtwawT23T"]But anyway, it's no big deal. He guesses Donald Trump is OK, and he gets to work in the administration, and all that violence at Trump rallies is no big deal, even when it's directed specifically at black people, because you know why? Trump's only going to be president for four years anyway:

Even if Donald Trump turns out not to be such a great president, which I don’t think is the case, I think he’s going to surround himself with really good people, but even if he didn’t, we’re only looking at four years as opposed to multiple generations and perhaps the loss of the American dream forever.

That's some rock solid faith right there. So, if Trump is elected president (LOL) what's Ben Carson going to do to him after four years of working in the Trump administration?

STAB HIM MAYBE?

[Think Progress / Crooks & Liars]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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