Ben Carson Hip Hip Hops And He Don't Stop

The rapper at rest

It seems gravy shart Jonah Goldberg's Theory Of Ben Carson's Blackness has been proven wise beyond its author's wildest imagination! Yes, Ben Carson -- who according to hip-hop expert Goldberg is so much blacker than Barack Obama he cannot EVEN -- has released a radio ad featuring some Hip, some Hop, and a healthy helping of Don't Stop!

His new $150,000 radio ad buy, called “Freedom,” will air for two weeks in Miami, Atlanta, Houston, Detroit, Birmingham, Alabama, Jackson, Mississippi, Memphis, Tennessee and Little Rock, Arkansas.

Ben Carson knows where black people live.

The ad, specifically targeting young black voters, uses rapper Aspiring Mogul and is interspersed with portions of Carson’s stump speech throughout the 60-second ad.

"America became a great nation early on not because it was flooded with politicians but because it was flooded with people who understood the value of personal responsibility, hard work, innovation and that’s what will get us on the right track now,” Carson says between Mogul’s rap.

Oh, that's edgy! Takin' the Republican message, EVER popular with black folks, right to the hip-hop rappy bros and sistahs, who Ben Carson obviously thinks are so stupid they'll hear a backbeat and all they'll wanna do is zooma zoom zoom zoom to Simi Valley to suck dead Reagan's corpse dick.

Oh yes! In West Philadelphia Detroit born and raised, DOIN' BRAIN SURGERY is where Dr. Carson spent most of his days.

Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, he was just shootin' some b-ball outside of the school (waiting for God to give him the answers to his chemistry final in a dream, nothing better to do). When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in his neighborhood! He got in one little fight, but it was okay, because he stabbed the kid, or maybe he didn't, gosh it was over 50 years ago, and details change over time when you're playing "telephone" with yourself!

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He whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "there are grains in pyramids!" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything he could say that this cab was rare, but he thought, "Nah forget it, but could you take me to the Popeye's Organization, for there is a robbery I'd like to interfere with, by convincing the shooter to go after the cashier!"


The thing is, black Americans know what's up with Carson. They admire his accomplishments and his work with black youth, but they DO NOT like his politics. In fact, black voters of a certain age might well agree with Wonkette's Broken Brain Theory of Ben Carson, which is that, at some point in time, Ben Carson's brain got brokeded beyond all recognition.

Remember this, from GQ's extensive profile of Carson?

One morning in Israel, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, Carson crossed paths with a dozen or so members of a black Baptist church from Brooklyn. Upon the discovery that the man in the North Face fleece was none other than Dr. Ben Carson, all heck broke loose. Carson was besieged. He posed for pictures and doled out hugs. "Is it all right if I touch you?" one woman said.

As the rest of the church ladies continued to fawn over Carson, I asked Nadine Clarke, the group’s leader, how she knew who he was. "I’ve known about him for years!" she exclaimed. I inquired if she was similarly enthused about Carson’s new political career. I watched the smile vanish from her face, replaced by a look of worry, as if she now remembered some of the things Carson had said in the past two years. "He’s a Republican?" she asked.

And according to that same profile, what does Carson think of black voters' political beliefs? "It doesn't surprise me ... Because people grow up and they listen to propaganda." Oh and he doesn't believe voter ID laws disenfranchise the black community. In other words, he's pretty sure they're stupid.

Good luck becoming the Fresh Prince of 1600 Pennsylvania, Dr. Carson. LOL.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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