Ben Carson Will Protect Jews, No Matter What Religion They Are

Protector of the Jews, even if they're not Jewish.

Hey, remember that time "presidential candidate" Ben Carson got all confused about Israel's system of government, and why don't they just do a normal Congress with a Senate and a House and a Democrat Party and a Republican Party, like American countries do? Well, why don't they? Why the Jewishes gotta be all confusing with multiple "parties" and foreign nerd words like "Knesset"? It's just too much, and Ben Carson did that thing where he separated conjoined twins at the head that one time, so he knows when stuff is TOO complicated.

Well, he separated the conjoined twins of foreign policy on Sunday in much the same way, speaking to Fox News's Chris Wallace, and he vowed to protect the Jews from that Hitler Obama, no matter what religion or nationality those Jews happen to be:

“Barack Obama, anti-Semitic?” Wallace asked incredulously.

“All you have to do, Chris, is go to Israel and talk to average people on all ends of that spectrum,” Carson responded. “I couldn’t find a single person there who didn’t feel that this administration had turned their backs on Israel.”

Ben Carson talked to all of the Jews on the spectrum, lined them up, in fact, in order from ROY G. to BIV, and every single one of them said Tea Party slogans to him, but in their own special Jewish way. It was like, "Don't tread on me, L'chaim!"

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Now the reason this discussion was even happening was that Ben Carson wrote an article in the Jerusalem Post, about why Obama is Hitler and also some other things, you don't care and neither do we.

Chris Wallace tried to get Carson to clarify exactly what the fuck it was that he was talking about, and these were the results:

“It’s one thing to argue your policy differs from Israel, but you say in your article– and you’re talking about domestic critics in this country– that there’s anti-Semitic themes there,” Wallace pushed. “What specifically is anti-Semitic in what the president is saying?”

“I think anything is anti-Semitic that is against the survival of a state that is surrounded by enemies and by people who want to destroy them,” Carson responded. “And to sort of ignore that and to act like everything is normal there and that these people are paranoid, I think that’s anti-Semitic.”

EXACTLY. If a nation is "surrounded by enemies," and Obama doesn't do exactly what that state wants him to do, because that state is the unofficial 51st state of America and also the boss of everything, then he is "anti-Semitic." And if you even remotely criticize any of the tactics undertaken by that nation's government, well then YOU DO YOU, HITLER.

If we actually use the logic of the words what came out of Carson's neurosurgeon brain, then anti-Semitism has nothing to do with hating Jewishes. It's just, like, a geographical thing.

Yeah, anyway, Carson is a dumbshit who really needs to stick to prying Siamese twin babby brains apart, because that's clearly the only thing he's good at. And you Wonker history buffs, please give examples in the comments (which are not allowed) of countries which were surrounded by enemies and people who wanted to destroy them, so that we may all condemn that "anti-Semitism" together. We all share the responsibility to make sure Hitler (Obama) never happens again.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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