Is Ben Shapiro Smarter Than A Fifth Grader

Ben Shapiro is Ben Shapiro’s idea of a smart person, so it’s not surprising that while lecturing some innocent children about the government, they’d declare that the emperor has no clothes. In fact, he’s intellectually butt naked.

Someone apparently thought it was a good idea to subject children at a Florida public library to Shapiro’s particular brand of BS. He came armed with flash cards and tired-ass Ayn Rand rhetoric so juvenile even literal children didn’t buy it.

“The government takes all your money and gives you very little in return,” Shapiro said while sitting in a goddamn public library.

“That’s not true,” one young man immediately responded, because he is fully aware of his environment. He already meets more of the criteria for sentience than Shapiro.

“I mean, it’s kind of true,” Shapiro simpered. “It depends on the kind of government.”

Let’s pause for a moment to recognize that a child has dismantled Shapiro's argument in just a few seconds. Maybe all those "Ben Shapiro DESTROYS Random Liberal With Logic And Reason” YouTube videos are misleading.

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Undaunted, Shapiro added, “Taxes are theft,” which is the savvy observation you hear from a college freshman. It’s a libertarian’s bumper sticker, not an informed opinion.

Shapiro argued that the government spends people’s taxes on “useless stuff” when they should spend it on the police. Like Ayn Rand, Shapiro believes government should conveniently exist solely to protect his property from poor people. However, if you concede that taxes are appropriate to fund the police and military, you’ve conceded that they have a function. Everything else is just Reagan-brand nihilism. Don’t like how people spend government funds? Elect different people.

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He went on to deride California as a nightmare state where "monsters roam the streets and garbage is strewn everywhere.” Somehow, this grim dystopia is the nation’s largest economy with a $3 trillion gross state product. Maybe we should send those monsters to the Republican-run states with crushing poverty levels.

This all played out like a bad sitcom, which reminds me that Shapiro criticized the so-called “prime time propaganda” of the 1980s sitcom “Family Ties” with its “misguided conservative” character, Alex P. Keaton. Shapiro theorized with his fully functioning mind that because Alex would often see the error of his selfish ways, this demonstrated the show’s contempt for conservatives. As I recall, Alex’s liberal parents were supportive of his politics and didn’t try to change him. They just advised him against attending a restricted country club with a young Ginni Thomas clone or getting high on speed, which was the subject of many very special episodes.

Shapiro fails to appreciate that “Family Ties” didn’t turn people off conservatism. Alex P. Keaton was a young Reaganite who idolized Richard Nixon, but underneath his money-grubbing facade, he was kind and compassionate. That is mostly because of Michael J. Fox’s own inherent charm and niceness. A real-life Alex P. Keaton is more like Ben Shapiro.

And even Loki — the god of mischief himself — was better with small children.


[The Wrap]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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