Ben Shapiro Rides To Rescue Of Donald Trump, Whose Wife Is Waiting For Him To Die


We guess Ben Shapiro has already run out of 20-year-old exposes about Al Sharpton and op-eds from George Zimmerman's brother explaining how all black people are racist. Already, within three weeks of launching "TruthRevolt," which is supposed to a Media Matters for the right except for the part where Media Matters doesn't lie and stuff, the former boy king of Ghost Andrew Breitbart's Internet Home for Poo-Mouthed Infants is struggling for content. Either that, or he really loves living up in Donald Trump's warm, cozy rectum. Why, it's just like home!

Why does Donald Trump need a big strong hero like Ben Shapiro today? You guys are not going to believe this, but somebody said something mean about Donald Trump -- i.e., "a fact" -- on the Twitter! Oh, four days ago? JUSTICE DELAYED IS JUSTICE DENIED!

So what happened? you are muttering to your beard lice friends. FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN, WHAT HAVE THOSE BASTARDS DONE TO MY TRUMPY? We're getting there, jeez, calm down buddy.

OK, so Ol' Grody was being his usual shit-talky self on the tweeters. There was a report that New York mag might go biweekly -- DON'T DO IT NEW YORK MAG! DEATH KNELL AND CETERA! TAKE IT FROM A LADY WHO ONCE WORKED IN "PRINT" -- and Bitchface up there was like HAHAHA HOW'S IT FEEL TO GO BANKRUPT OH WAIT NO I ALREADY KNOW NEVER MIND.

And Dan Amira -- he's this guy, you know? -- responded "Your wife is waiting for you to die."

Funny, right? We loled. (That is "internet speak" for "live out loud," like the Holly Hunter movie where she bangs the masseur.) But, you are wondering, isn't that against the Rules for Commenting Radicals? In fact, it is not. Amira did not wish death on the nation's favorite downsizer. He did not revel in any possible maimings or physical pain. He merely noted that Donald Trump's wife does not love him, married him only for his grotesque wealth, and will be a merry widow indeed. But he said it better.

So that was like four days ago, now you have been brought up to speed. And now is when Ben Shapiro comes in. He, or a minion (there is no byline) -- and can you imagine? Ben Shapiro has minions of his very own now? Our little boy is all growed up -- has Twitchied up a timeline of ... four tweets. And the coda

Trump recommended that subscribers cancel their subscriptions to the magazine. But no advertiser should be comfortable sponsoring the magazine itself.

In conclusion, can Al Sharpton please say something black again? That'd be great, thanks.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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