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Ben Shapiro's Website Thinks Ben Shapiro Would Be Best, Most Smartest Replacement For Piers Morgan

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How's this for an exciting groundswell of grassroots support? Albert Merrick, some poor schlub atBen Shapiro's Conservative Equivalent to Media Matters, got assigned to fluff the boss in a piece announcing "Shapiro Suggested As Replacement For Morgan." And that's not just in-house boss-fellating, either, so Merrick's lede is 100% accurate:


TruthRevolt Editor-In-Chief Ben Shapiro has been named as a possible successor to failed talk show host Piers Morgan, according to an article published in The Wire, Monday.

He's been named! Talk about inside information -- we can hardly wait to find out who got ahold of CNN's short list of candidates.

OK, so maybe that Wire article isn't exactly about the hunt for a successor to Morgan. It's actually more about gun fondlers and transgender activists who are merrily taking credit for the cancellation of Morgan's show that nobody watched, when the real killer was of course low ratings, in the boardroom, with a Nielsen report. And in that story, there is this paragraph:

As for Morgan's replacement, some conservatives suggested people like Ben Shapiro, the editor at large at Breitbart, who had explosive fights with Morgan. Last month Shapiro appeared on Morgan's show and accused him of bullying the right on guns by "standing on the graves of the children of Sandy Hook."

So yes indeedy, Shapiro personally yelled at Morgan, and some unidentified people actually did say, "Ooh, CNN should hire the weasel-face!" So there you go, he has been named.

Of course, the article also notes, with equal emphasis, that transgender rights activists who were very displeased by Morgan's tone-deaf interview with Janet Mock were also claiming Morgan's scalp, and that a number of folks had also taken to Twitter to say, "Hey, guess this means that CNN is going to have to hire Janet Mock."

So maybe the more honest TruthRevolt story would have been "Ben Shapiro And Transgender Rights Activist Equally Likely to be Hired By CNN." Besides, as anyone knows, Wonkette Editrix and current birthday-haver Rebecca Schoenkopf is clearly the bravest, smartest, warmest, most qualified, and most telegenic candidate for the job.

[The Wire / TruthRevolt]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He has been mentioned as a potential winner of a national poetry prize, and in 1979 was considered for inclusion in "Who's who Among American High School Students"

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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