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Bernie Sanders sat down for an interview with CNN's Dana Bash on "We Have A Sunday Show, Too," where he explained, in case anyone had missed it, that Hillary Clinton isn't running this year. But before we focus on Bernie's appearance on CNN, let's take a page from Mr. Sanders's youth and "smoke a blunt" before facing something difficult.


Over on CBS's "Face The Nation," Missouri Republican Senator Roy Blunt was on hand to be the male equivalent of Susan Collins. Activating the GOP translating device:

BLUNT: Well, I talked to the president Friday night, actually, and he -- he, of course, understood that I'm always pretty reluctant to use tariffs. I'm more of an open-the-markets kind of guy rather than look for ways to close those markets.

(Translation: I told Trumpito that doesn't work for me! You are destroying my state and pissing off the people I need to elect me from habit.)

BLUNT: About 10 days ago, we made an agreement with Guatemala to work with them on that southern border of Mexico, the northern border of Guatemala. Having the Mexicans agree to be a big part of that is a huge thing.

(Oops! I just confirmed the story that the "deal" Trumpito made was actually completed before his ultimatum and McAleenan is lying to bee-stung Superman, Bret Baier.)

BLUNT: Having the Mexicans agree to be a big part of that is a huge thing. And -- and I actually --

BRENNAN: Weren't they already going to do that?

BLUNT
: I don't know that they were. You know, no deal is done until it's done and announced, just like -- were the Chinese going to do all the things they agreed to that, suddenly, at a meeting a month ago, they decided they weren't going to do that they had agreed to.

(Good recovery, me! Unless you forget the "New NAFTA", USMCA, hasn't been ratified. Or previous tariff threats affecting markets in Mexico and Canada. Or Iran Deal. Or Paris Accord. Man, I hope Margaret Brennan doesn't ask a difficult question.)

BRENNAN: So, you want more aid to Central America?

(Fuck.)

BLUNT: Of course--

BRENNAN: Because that wasn't detailed in that declaration.

BLUNT:
I think more aid to Central America is a good thing to try to help stabilize those economies in ways that are good because they're our neighbors. This is our neighborhood; we should be interested in our neighborhood.

(Whew ... that should in no way conflict with the Administration's position!)

BRENNAN: Do you know what these side agreements are that the president announced?

BLUNT: I don't know exactly what the side agreements are. I -- I do understand that what I just mentioned.

(There, that should solve it! Now if I can leave the interview without saying something really dumb...)

BRENNAN: -- is huge. So the president's declaration that there's an agricultural deal, you don't know what that is?

BLUNT: I don't know what that is --

BRENNAN:
Mexico is --

BLUNT
: -- but I know it's good for my state --

(Nailed it!)

Watch below to see Blunt in his own words:

Now, I am a firm believer in a very simple concept coined by radio host Randi Rhodes: "Fall In Love" in the primaries, GET THE FUCK IN LINE in the general election. So with that said, let's talk about independent Senator Bernie Sanders. Appearing on CNN's "State of The Union," guest host Dana Bash asked him about the current results of the CNN / Des Moines Register poll. Mr. Sanders gave an honest answer, and it's exactly why Bernie will face a lot more vetting this election cycle than in 2016.

BASH: We have so many issues to talk to you, but, first, I want to get your reaction to what you just heard, our new poll in Iowa. You're not in the second tier on your own anymore; Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg right there with you. And Warren is on top among liberal caucus-goers. It seems maybe you have lost your position as the clear progressive alternative to Joe Biden in Iowa. Why?

SANDERS: Well, Dana, what I think is that, four years ago, there were only two of us in the race, and we split the vote about 50 percent each. This time, we got a whole lot of candidates. And I don't think anybody is going to reach 50 percent.

Exactly, Bernie!! You were the alternative to a candidate that had been smeared publicly by the GOP for 27 years and you spoke about liberal policies. This time, it's a better bunch of candidates and they have adopted your best ideas already. So, much like Joe Biden, it's a front runner status that will quickly fade. One of those candidates is the amazing Senator Elizabeth Warren, as Bash points out:

BASH: Your 2020 opponent Elizabeth Warren unveiled her own college plan that she says goes further than yours, because it also cancels up to $50,000 in student loan debt for tens of millions of Americans. So, is she right? Or would you also forgive any existing student loan debt?

SANDERS: Oh, no, of course, our plan forgives massive amounts of student debt. Elizabeth's plan is a good idea. And so is ours.

This is where Bash finally asked the thing that needs to be asked of ALL frontrunners:

BASH: Senator, I just want to be specific. I want to be specific, because Senator Warren is specific. She says that it cancels up to $50,000 in student debt. How much would yours...

SANDERS: Our plan will cancel -- our plan will cancel a substantial amount of student debt, and in some ways probably go further than Senator Warren's.

BASH
: More than $50,000?

SANDERS
: But we have got to -- I don't have the plan in my pocket right now.

The entire point of going to the Sunday shows is to explain your positions so people vote for you. If you think nostalgia (Biden) or previous populism (Sanders) or aggressively insubstantial (Buttigieg) guarantees you a shot at being president, you do not deserve to stand on same stage as Elizabeth "I've Got a Plan for That" Warren and Kamala "I Do Too But Elizabeth Made The Shirts First" Harris.

Here is an example of Warren answering a position succinctly and explaining why three mediocre white men have been at the top of the polls. Thank goodness there are subtitles so we don't have to transcribe it!

Have A Week!

[CBS News / CNN / CNN]

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Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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It was bound to happen. We're now watching Republican congressmen react to Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office and saying "RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING" during an interview with George Stephanopoulos, literally inviting hostile foreign powers to attack the 2020 election for him like Russia did in 2016. And if you thought there wouldn't be at least one of them to say the quiet part loud and state for the record that crime is good if it helps Republicans win, then you haven't been paying attention to the Republican party in quite a while.

Enter GOP Rep. Chris Stewart of Utah, who sits on the House Intelligence Committee, AKA the committee whose members really should know better, even the Republicans, but unfortunately they don't because A) they're idiots and B) they've been sucking at Devin Nunes's dairy cows' teats (ALLEGEDLY) for too long:

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