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he's makin' a memo right now, you can see it on his face


Congressman Devin Nunes, GOP chair of the House Intelligence Committee (HPSCI), is known for several things:

  1. Being below average on the spectrum of human intelligence.
  2. Having a face that always looks like you just caught him in the middle of pooping his pants because he thought for sure he could get away with it this one time.
  3. Being so far up Donald Trump's ass he's willing to go to great lengths, even if it makes him look like a gigantic fool, to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation.
  4. Possibly being compromised by Russia his own self, but we haven't figured out exactly how yet. Maybe the Kremlin has a video of Nunes the Dairy Farmer acting inappropriate with one of his prized cows, we don't know what Devin Nunes and his special cow get up to late night and neither do you, assuming he has one cow that is more special than the rest.
  5. Did we mention he has a dumb poop face?

We bring that stuff up because look at this fucking idiot:

That is his argument? Russian interference and Russian bots are a hoax, so let me please ask Russian bots to help this article about how the Trump-Russia thing is a hoax to go viral? Really, dude?

(By the way, the article he links to was written by Mollie Hemingway, who is mostly known for being a fucking moron. It is TL;DR but we bet it gave Glenn Greenwald a stiffy in his Starburst zone, because it is basically the same "Look, the media made like two mistakes in Russia reporting in the past year and a half, and also Louise Mensch is dumb, therefore it is all Fake News" article Greenwald wrote last week.)

We bet Devin Nunes is under the impression that Devin Nunes just made a very good joke. His prized dairy cow would be like "LM-OOOOOOOOO!" if she read it, but unfortunately, cows cannot read.

But is that actually a really good joke? Is it very hilariously funny, six days after Robert Mueller literally indicted 13 Russians for, among other things, creating fake online profiles and bots in order to sway the American election, to beg Russian bots to make an article about how Russian interference is a hoax go viral?

Is it hilarious just like all the times Donald Trump publicly begged WikiLeaks, a Russian intelligence front, to find and release more hacked Hillary Clinton emails, in order to hurt her campaign and help him? Was that a knee slapper?

We bet Robert Mueller is indeed laughing his ass off right now. About his next round of indictments.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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