Well, at least Trump didn't call England a shithole, right? Although he'll probably be feeling feisty after having his own shithole examined at Walter Reed today, so who knows what this afternoon's Executive Time will bring!

BLOODY HELL! The entire world has recoiled in horror from our Racist-in-Chief, so now he can only travel to countries where they shoot protesters.

Faced with the possibility of tens of thousands of people in the streets of London screaming "FUCK TRUMP," the president canceled his planned trip to England to celebrate the opening of a new US embassy. Then he barfed up a bunch of lies on Twitter and blamed the black guy. Who coulda seen that one coming?

Remember that time London suffered a terror attack and Trump hopped on his Twitterphone to criticize its Muslim mayor?

Or that time he accused British intelligence agencies of conspiring with Barack Obama to "tapp his wires" based on a bullshit Fox News story by that lunatic Andrew Napolitano?

Or that time he retweeted British white supremacists, and even the wingnuts were like STOP THAT NOW?

You know who remembers that stuff? THE BRITISH. Which is the real reason why Trump's official visit has been postponed to the 5th of Never. But instead of saying, "Sorry, I'll be washing my lavish, orange locks next month," he decided to crap all over another news cycle. Because he is very good at presidenting!

Okay, let's factcheck this shitpile real quicklike:

  1. Did Barack Hussein Obama decide to move the embassy? No, the Obama Administration did not make the decision in 2008, since Obama wasn't president until 2009.
  2. Did Obummer get conned and sell the building for "peanuts?" The old embassy was designated a historic property, restricting changes to the facade. This meant that the US could not upgrade the building to protect against terrorism, and also limited the ability of future owners to remodel it, depressing the sale price.
  3. Is the new embassy in an "off location?" Said the guy who spends most weekends at a garbage palace in New Jersey. The location allowed the State Department to make appropriate upgrades to keep American personnel secure, which is a good thing with a leader who is dead set on turning the entire world against us.
  4. Did we spend $1.2 billion on the new building? The cost of the property was entirely offset by the sale of other buildings in London.
  5. Did "they" want him to cut the ribbon? No, literally no one wanted his orange ass there. It would have been a security nightmare.
  6. Is our president a lying idiot who canceled his trip because everyone hates him? Yes.

Here are English politicians giving Trump the stiff upper lip.

Dammit, there goes our plan to change the locks while he was away! Well, we can't really blame you, England. He is a racist piece of shit, and we bow to your superior trolling.

If we make it through this administration alive, we'll die of shame.

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[Reuters / CNN / WaPo]

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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