Well, at least Trump didn't call England a shithole, right? Although he'll probably be feeling feisty after having his own shithole examined at Walter Reed today, so who knows what this afternoon's Executive Time will bring!

BLOODY HELL! The entire world has recoiled in horror from our Racist-in-Chief, so now he can only travel to countries where they shoot protesters.

Faced with the possibility of tens of thousands of people in the streets of London screaming "FUCK TRUMP," the president canceled his planned trip to England to celebrate the opening of a new US embassy. Then he barfed up a bunch of lies on Twitter and blamed the black guy. Who coulda seen that one coming?

Remember that time London suffered a terror attack and Trump hopped on his Twitterphone to criticize its Muslim mayor?

Or that time he accused British intelligence agencies of conspiring with Barack Obama to "tapp his wires" based on a bullshit Fox News story by that lunatic Andrew Napolitano?

Or that time he retweeted British white supremacists, and even the wingnuts were like STOP THAT NOW?

You know who remembers that stuff? THE BRITISH. Which is the real reason why Trump's official visit has been postponed to the 5th of Never. But instead of saying, "Sorry, I'll be washing my lavish, orange locks next month," he decided to crap all over another news cycle. Because he is very good at presidenting!

Okay, let's factcheck this shitpile real quicklike:

1. Did Barack Hussein Obama decide to move the embassy? No, the Obama Administration did not make the decision in 2008, since Obama wasn't president until 2009.
2. Did Obummer get conned and sell the building for "peanuts?" The old embassy was designated a historic property, restricting changes to the facade. This meant that the US could not upgrade the building to protect against terrorism, and also limited the ability of future owners to remodel it, depressing the sale price.
3. Is the new embassy in an "off location?" Said the guy who spends most weekends at a garbage palace in New Jersey. The location allowed the State Department to make appropriate upgrades to keep American personnel secure, which is a good thing with a leader who is dead set on turning the entire world against us.
4. Did we spend $1.2 billion on the new building? The cost of the property was entirely offset by the sale of other buildings in London.
5. Did "they" want him to cut the ribbon? No, literally no one wanted his orange ass there. It would have been a security nightmare.
6. Is our president a lying idiot who canceled his trip because everyone hates him? Yes.

Here are English politicians giving Trump the stiff upper lip.

Dammit, there goes our plan to change the locks while he was away! Well, we can't really blame you, England. He is a racist piece of shit, and we bow to your superior trolling.

If we make it through this administration alive, we'll die of shame.

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Please give us money for salaries and servers and Groucho glasses to hide our shame!

[Reuters / CNN / WaPo]