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screengrab from upcoming HBO documentary Running With Beto via The Daily Beast

You are probably familiar with the longrunning Wonkette series called "THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID." (Or, if it is a "he," it is called "THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAID.") We started the series (it is actually not "longrunning yet," we are a big liar) because the media sucks so badly in so many ways, and because there is ZERO reason to believe they will do any better in 2020 than they did in 2016 -- when, in their desperate need to "both sides" everything, they literally convinced people that Hillary Clinton's emails and her VERY HELPFUL CHARITABLE FOUNDATION were "scandals" on par with the 70 new Trump scandals we've been learning about every day since he came down that escalator in 2015 and declared his intention to ruin the world.

The inaugural post for this series involved Beto O'Rourke and a fight some idiot on cable news was trying to start between him and Kamala Harris, who did not take the dumb fucking bait. And now we are back to O'Rourke, specifically to LIGHTLY YELL AT The Daily Beast for using stupid clickbait to try to start some kind of non-troversy over how BETO SAID A CUSS! No, they are not talking about the time he said he was "so fucking proud" of all his staffers, they are talking about a time when he literally admitted to being the worst, meanest "asshole" alive!

And he did it on video!

Golly! They caught him on tape, in the forthcoming HBO documentary Running With Beto, finally admitting he is history's greatest monster boss -- you know, unless it's time for another round of "Amy Klobuchar made me go to work" stories, in which case it will be her turn to be history's greatest monster boss again -- and profusely apologizing for it? And this reportedly happened backstage just before he went out and told supporters he was FUCKING proud of them? How many cuss words does this guy have in him!

And is that really an important headline that truly captures the story they're trying to tell? (SPOILER: you already know how this ends!)


We learn all of this in a very excited article from The Daily Beast, which promises a "revealing" look at the O'Rourke Senate campaign, including this thing, where he said sorry for all of his "domineering behavior." Tell us all of it, Daily Beast, every juicy detail!

"I just feel very, very lucky, and I love you guys more than you'll ever know," he says. "I know I was a giant asshole to be around sometimes, and you all never allowed my shortcomings to get in the way of running the best campaign this state has ever seen."

Oh.

In other words, a totally normal thing to say at the end of a campaign that almost won against extremely long odds, but didn't quite make it to the finish line.

Anything else, Daily Beast, since you are touting this exclusive video from an upcoming HBO documentary, of Beto O'Rourke admitting he eats puppies as part of his low-carb diet?

With that, the camera cuts to [Cynthia] Cano [Beto's road manager], who gives a knowing look.

Oh ho ho, she gave a knowing look! She must have done that because she knew what Beto was talking about just then when he admitted to being literally Hitler.

The Daily Beast also tells us that throughout this new movie, Beto O'Rourke "comes off as charismatic yet controlling," and just generally as somebody who was a dick sometimes. So, you know, stop the fuckin' presses and stuff.

Have we mentioned lately that everything is stupid, and that the media is absolutely 100 percent guaranteed to fuck up all its coverage of the 2020 election? Didn't we just get finished with a week where we were inundated with stories about how Elizabeth Warren was VERY TRICKY when she was a single mom, and she charged a premium for her services as an expert witness? Are we not right now still seeing stories about how Bernie Sanders has a million dollars, therefore his ideas are somehow invalid?

Heaven forfend we learn the eventual Democratic nominee has an email account, as the New York Times will still be gnawing on that bone at the end of Donald Trump's third term in office.

Is this shit from the Daily Beast even remotely the worst example of what the media has done lately, or what they will do in the very near future? Hell no, it's just lazy, frivolous clickbait, and if O'Rourke was a woman, we'd probably be treated to at least three more paragraphs full of lurid details about the candidate's need to smile more. (And it's also not like that time the Daily Beast misidentified a mass shooter FOR HOURS and let the name, picture, and home address of an innocent man spread around the internet like wildfire before finally, late at night, going "DURRR WHOOPS." That was really bad!)

But it's still stupid, and we're in a shitty mood, and we felt like saying so, because good God, the media sucks more often than it doesn't, especially the people who cover presidential campaigns.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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