Set Your DVR, CNN Gonna Air Beto O'Rourke's Pretty Face For An Hour With No Gross Ted Cruz Booger Lips In Sight

The real victim here is Ted Cruz. He should stop hitting himself.

CNN has decided, in its infinite wisdom, to highlight three of the nation's most heated midterm elections with hourlong town hall programs, which sounds pretty impressive until you realize TWO of the things will focus on Florida: one for the governor's race between Democrat Andrew Gillum and Republican Ron"Slavery Helped Abolish Slavery" DeSantis, and the other for the race for the US Senate, between incumbentDem Bill Nelson and Bat Boy (R - Weekly World News). Still, at least one CNN town hall will focus on another state's race, the US Senate contest in Texas. That one just won't have both candidates, because Ted Cruz's campaign decided he had better things to do. As a result, Democratic challenger Beto O'Rourke will get an hour on CNN by himself, perhaps with a cardboard standee of Cruz, and even it will have its eyes glued to badly executed but nonetheless disturbing cheating wife porn. 

A CNN statement explained the program would feature only O'Rourke after "Sen. Ted Cruz (R) declined CNN's invitation to participate in the town hall," but Cruz's campaign manager, Jeff Roe, took to the tweeting machine to imply this was all O'Rourke's fault, and also maybe something nefarious by CNN, too:

To be clear, the Cruz campaign proposed that @CNNhost one of the Cruz-O'Rourke debates. The O'Rourke campaign declined. @CNN subsequently offered back to back town halls, in which we are unable to participate.

Feel free to try and sort that out your own selves; we have better things to do than try to make sense of Cruz flunkies blaming other people for their scheduling decisions.

Polls from the Texas contest have been all over the place, with Cruz and O'Rourke trading leads frequently; the only constant is that everyone agrees -- even Cruz supporters -- he's a slimy little weasel, albeit a weasel with an "R" following his name, and that's all they need.

Cruz and O'Rourke already held one debate in September, in which Cruz demanded to know why O'Rourke wouldn't support cops killing black people as long as it's an honest mistake. They had scheduled another one-on-one debate for September 30, but Cruz cancelled it because he thought he'd have to stay in Washington to cram Brett Kavanaugh onto the Supreme Court.

As a result, next week will simply be crammed with hot debate (and non-debate) action. On Tuesday, October 16, Cruz and O'Rourke will debate in San Antonio. Then O'Rourke will get his solo star turn on CNN Thursday, October 18, and we imagine the day after that the Cruz campaign will package some of Beto's most appealing, crowd-pleasing answers into a Twitter video titled "Look At This Handsome Smart Monster! Who Could Possibly Want THAT?"

After mopping the floor with Ted Cruz at the #TXSenateDebate this how @BetoORourke celebrated: By air drumming to… https://t.co/E0zQQfHc93

— ӄ૨ყքȶσռɨȶɛ ƓᏋℳ™🔮 (@ӄ૨ყքȶσռɨȶɛ ƓᏋℳ™🔮) 1537674540.0 

Also it is your Open Thread. Get your Baba O'Riley on, or whatever.

[ Star-Telegram / Salon ]

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