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Karma's a bitch, Betsy DeVos! You could have just stayed in Michigan, spending your pocket change to ruin public education in sweet obscurity. Now every front page in the country is denouncing you as the wicked witch who tried to murder the Special Olympics, and your ignoramus boss is trying to drop the House on you. But cheer up, sister, because when the dust settles, you'll probably still get to steal millions of dollars from poor and disabled kids and put it into private school vouchers. And you made campus safe again for rapists. So, all in all, WINNING!

On Tuesday, the Education secretary faced an asskicking in Congress as she tried to explain why cutting the $17.6 million allocation for the Special Olympics was admirable fiscal prudence, rather than a heartless "fuck you" and a massive PR screw up. It went GREAT!


Looks like Wisconsin Rep. Mark Pocan was unimpressed with DeVos's opening argument that a 10 percent reduction in overall education spending is actually doing our kids A FAVOR.

[I]t's easier to keep spending, to keep saying "yes," and to keep saddling tomorrow's generations with today's growing debt. But, as it's been said, the government will run out of "other people's money."

Over the past 40 years, federal taxpayer spending on education has increased about 180 percent, amounting to over $1.2 trillion cumulatively. And yet, we're still 24th in reading, 25th in science, and 40th in math when compared to the rest of the world. Doing the same thing—and more of it—won't bring about new results.

I propose a different approach: freedom.

This budget focuses on freedom for teachers. Freedom for parents. And freedom for all students.

A great education shouldn't be determined by where you live nor by who you know. And it shouldn't be determined by family income.

LUV 2 B lectured on spending by a billionaire whose own children never set foot in a public school in their lives. Particularly when the Trump tax cuts, which benefitted the secretary personally to the tune of $2.7 million, have decreased corporate tax collected by $92 billion year on year. And that 180 percent increase in education spending over 40 years? Well, we hate to inform the billionairess Amway heir, but actually inflation over that time was about 250 percent. We're spending less on our children's schooling than we were, and -- whoops! -- there are millions more children now than there were in 1980! It is almost like DeVos is telling an untruth, but that can't be right. It must just be FREEDOM MATH. Maybe Ms. DeVos can use that FREEDOM MATH to explain how offering private school vouchers to middle class kids actually improves education for poor children left behind in the defunded public schools?

Go ahead, Bits, give it the old Amway try!

THAT AIN'T IT, CHIEF!

Having belatedly realized that they'd screwed the pooch, Trump rushed in to ... grab the pooch, lift it up, stroke it, and pretend that he had always loved dogs most of all.

The Special Olympics will be funded. I just told my people. I want to fund the Special Olympics. And I just authorized a funding of the Special Olympics. I've been to the Special Olympics, I think it's incredible. And I just authorized a funding. I heard about it this morning, I have overridden my people. We're funding the Special Olympics.

Not for nothing, but the president doesn't "authorize a funding" -- that's Congress's job, and Congress was never in a million years going to cut spending on a wildly popular program like the Special Olympics. Because, unlike the geniuses in Trumpland, they understand that getting re-elected is easier when your constituents don't HATE YOU.

Betsy DeVos harrumphed that she was glad those unnamed Trump officials, cough cough Mick Mulvaney ahem, had seen the light.

I am pleased and grateful the President and I see eye-to-eye on this issue and that he has decided to fund our Special Olympics grant. This is funding I have fought for behind the scenes over the last several years.

And Congressman Pocan hoped someone would "pull Betsy from under the bus."

Lest you think this whole thing was an absolute PR debacle for everyone in Trumpland, never fear! Trump 2020 Communications Director Matt Wolking knows how to deal with this, and it is to shout DEMONRAT ABORTIONISTS DOWN SYNDROME!

Which is a bold position for a guy whose party is actively trying to defund special education and cut Medicaid. But if you want to piss off the disability community, GO FOR IT, DUDE.

Now to enjoy this fine video of Betsy DeVos, master of public relations and totally normal human being with real emotions.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SWEETIE!

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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