Big Dumb US Trucker Convoy Limps Off To Washington DC

The Right is finally getting its US trucker convoy. Hooray!

This week, some Pennsylvania truckers are launching a convoy in protest of US pandemic restrictions. If they find any restrictions left, they should let us know. It seems as if they’re a day late and a tantrum short. Penn Live reports that an "undetermined number" of truckers will leave Scranton, the home of President Joe Biden, and head for Washington DC where they will air their Festivus-worthy grievances.

Scranton business owner and Donald Trump lover Bob Bolus (bolus, noun: 1, a small rounded mass of a substance, especially of chewed food at the moment of swallowing. 2, a type of large pill used in veterinary medicine) is leading the Canadian-inspired convoy. He says they’ll stop first in Harrisburg before arriving in DC and tying up the Beltway. Here’s how Bolus describes what he insists is a peaceful protest.

"I'll give you an analogy of that of a giant boa constrictor," Bolus said. "That basically squeezes you, chokes you and it swallows you, and that's what we're going to do the DC."

That doesn’t sound very “peaceful.” Conservatives love to co-opt Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech, so they should consider why Dr. King didn’t include the line “I am a giant snake that will squeeze, choke, and swallow the life out of the white power structure.”

PREVIOUSLY: GOP Pretty Sure We Should Cave To Truck Babies' Demands, That'll Teach Us A Lesson

Republicans have not so subtly expressed their yearning for a domestic version of the economically devastating Canadian trucker blockades. Senator Rand Paul said in an interview this month: "I’m all for [US trucker convoys]. Civil disobedience ... is a time-honored tradition in our country from slavery to civil rights to you name it. Peaceful protest, clog things up, make people think about the mandates.” Senator Ted Cruz called the Canadian truckers protesting their nation’s COVID-19 vaccine mandates “heroes.”

Heroic boa constrictor-wannabe Bolus told Lindsay Watts at Fox 5 that his convoy will graciously leave a lane open for emergency responders but his response to the people just trying to get work was "geez that's too bad.” Bolus said he doesn’t plan to get arrested even though deliberately fucking up traffic is the sort of thing for which people get arrested. Bolus was convicted of insurance fraud in 2012 so he’s probably not an expert on what’s legal.

Some other geniuses have planned trucker convoys through online forums with such inspired names as the People’s Convoy and the American Truckers Freedom Fund. They have different starting points, departure dates, and routes, but most are scheduled to arrive at the nation’s capital in time for Biden’s State of the Union address next Tuesday.

The Pentagon announced Tuesday that it has approved the deployment of 800 unarmed troops to “provide support at traffic control points in and around the District” and to be alert for “possible disruption at key traffic arteries.” Pentagon Press Secretary John Kirby confirmed in a statement that the Capitol Police and DC government requested the National Guard’s help.

After the January 6 Capitol attack, this is the sort of thing you want to take seriously. However, so far Bolus’s giant boa constrictor looks a bit flaccid. His truck had two flat tires, which delayed the departure, and it looked for a while as if no one else was showing up.

Reuters producer Julio-César Chávez tweeted video this morning of the rather pathetic display.

Chávez's updates are hilarious:

Bob Bolus is currently driving his truck in a small parade around downtown Scranton.

Bob Bolus is on the highway headed down to DC. We have driven up and down the line, His 18 wheeler is the only one in the convoy followed by four or five pick up trucks and SUVs (that we can tell). All other 18ws passing him His claim of having 25 trucks driving down is false.

I just watched the one of Bob Bolus’ own work trucks pass him on the highway and continue driving

This is not Bolus’s first protest. In 2017, he crashed a Black Lives Matter demonstration against Confederate statues. He angrily flipped off people opposed to traitor memorials and told them: "You don’t like America? Go back to Africa!”

He’s a class act.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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