In news that will surely shock everyone, Trump's low-rent Roy Cohn attorney general, William "Pigfuck" Barr, is out there making up some more jowly pigfuck lies about how the liberals and the Antifas are going to steal the mail-in ballots, or manufacture some fake mail-in ballots, or maybe even bribe the postman to, we dunno, deliver them to the election commission. As usual, we assume he knows this is going to happen because "logic," and not because "evidence." If he had any evidence, he'd say so. Or, as in the case of his lie-claims about China being the biggest threat in this election, instead of actual biggest threat Russia, he'd at least lie about the evidence he had.

Barr appeared on a podcast with wingnut idiot Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass, who once explained that liberals were totally going to burn To Kill A Mockingbird, because reasons. He also is pretty sure Chicago has so many murders because of "feral" young Black men. In other words, he's exactly the type of guy you'd expect to be giving Barr a sweaty grundle kiss right now.


Kass writes of his interview with Barr:

We talked of many things. Chicago political corruption. Chicago violence. Our mutual respect for great Chicago steakhouses. A Bogart movie about counting votes again and again, The Chicago Way. And the end to an American tradition: the secret vote.

Neat. As Kass explains, he and Barr played racist dogwhistle pocket pool with each other, talking of "liberal soft-on-crime local prosecutors and local judges." And of course, Barr lied about mail-in voting.

Barr made national news, too, talking of the November election chaos that could come with Democrats pushing mail-in voting, and the fevered left and its media allies wildly speculating President Donald Trump may not concede if he loses, though Hillary Clinton has adamantly exhorted Democrat Joe Biden never to concede.

That's when I mentioned Johnny Rocco, a Chicago criminal and political boss played by Edward G. Robinson in the old Bogart movie "Key Largo." Rocco knew how to count votes "over and over until they added up right."

Because that's totally what's happening here, in an election where Donald Trump is losing to Joe Biden according to every poll by about a million percent.

"Just think about the way we vote now," Barr said. "You have a precinct, your name is on a list, you go in and say who you are, you go behind a curtain, no one is allowed to go in there to influence you, and no one can tell how you voted. All of that is gone with mail-in voting. There's no secret vote. You have to associate the envelope in the mailing and the name of who's sending it in, with the ballot.

"There's no more secret vote with mail-in vote. A secret vote prevents selling and buying votes. So now we're back in the business of selling and buying votes. Capricious distribution of ballots means (ballot) harvesting, undue influence, outright coercion, paying off a postman, here's a few hundred dollars, give me some of your ballots," the attorney general said.

And that would be Bill Barr just cold making up shit again. We've said it until we're blue in the face, but one million studies have been done on mail-in voting, and they've found it to be safe and pretty darn fraud-free. The only people fucking with the safety and sanctity of mail-in voting are Trump's bottomfeeder garbage troll postmaster general Louis DeJoy, Trump himself, and Barr right now, spreading lies about "paying off a postman."

"You know liberals project," Barr said.

Wait, who projects? Who is making up lies about mail-in voting fraud, about people buying and selling votes, during a pandemic where people don't want to risk illness and death to cast their ballots?

Fuck you right in your jowls, pigfuck.

"All this bulls--- about how the president is going to stay in office and seize power? I've never heard of any of that crap. I mean, I'm the attorney general. I would think I would have heard about it."

When you're part of the plan to destroy American democracy to protect a fascist criminal president, we don't think you're supposed to talk about it.

"They are projecting. They are creating an incendiary situation where there will be loss of confidence in the vote.
"Someone will say the president just won Nevada. 'Oh, wait a minute! We just discovered 100,000 ballots! Every vote will be counted!' Yeah, but we don't know where these freaking votes came from," Barr said.

Look who's "creating an incendiary situation where there will be loss of confidence in the vote"! Except that, contrary to his incendiary situation, mail-in ballots have fancy dan security features like barcodes, which tell you where these freaking votes came from, and if these freaking votes didn't come from registered voters in Nevada, then these freaking votes won't be counted.

You lying pigfuck.

Elsewhere in the interview, Barr talked about drinking all night at Chicago steakhouses, explaining that when he was AG before, he "liked going to the Chop House, up to the second floor, drinking all night and eating my steaks," NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM. And in those days, Barr said, Chicago was clean, but "things now seem very much out of control," by which he means he is racist.

Barr also explained that in the big Democrat cities, there is now "mob rule," what with everybody protesting and shouting "No justice, no peace." Barr says what that really means is "No Biden, no peace," like it's some sort of THREAT from the Democrats, that if Biden is not elected, they will rain down violence upon all the land.

In other late breaking news, the Wall Street Journal just dropped the story that last week on a conference call, Barr told prosecutors they should charge protesters with SEDITION, yes, SEDITION, which is literally CONSPIRING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT, and you know what, we are done with this garbage pigfuck now, goodbye.

[Chicago Tribune]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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