Donate

Gonna be a long day, y'all, you ready to dive in? We should note at the outset that any of the questions about obstruction of justice are colored by the fact that Trump refused to sit for an interview with Robert Mueller. Guess that's part of why Robert Mueller refused to clear him! But anyway, we will have more time for thoughts as we read.

Let's read the Mueller Report!


11:33: Hello, everyone! This thing is 448 pages long, and we have found our first redaction. It's in the table of contents in the section about the dissemination of Democratic emails stolen by Russia and laundered through WikiLeaks, specifically as that involved the Trump campaign's knowledge of it. It's redacted under the heading "Harm to Ongoing Matter" (HOM), which we are guessing has something to do with the ongoing Roger Stone case. Of course, Michael Cohen also says Trump had foreknowledge of the WikiLeaks releases, through Roger Stone.

11:39: If you were worried this report wouldn't cover a lot of interesting parts of the various conspiracies that may not have directly related to the Russian hacking, we can tell you from the table of contents that Mueller is covering A LOT. The Trump Tower Meeting, Trump Tower Moscow, the RNC platform change to give Russia wet reacharounds ... a lot of stuff.

11:41: Interesting. Remember Erik Prince's meeting in the Seychelles that he lied about repeatedly? With the Russian head of the sovereign wealth fund, Kirill Dmitriev? Mueller frames that -- which Erik Prince called a chance meeting over a beer -- as "Kirill Dmitriev's Transition-Era Outreach to the Incoming Administration." That's an interesting framing we can't wait to hear about! (p. 7)

11:47: And now we are seeing our first "Personal Privacy" redactions. One is listed as a "potential Section 1030 violation," which involves computer fraud, related to the Russian hacking operation. Another is a redaction on "false statements and obstruction of the investigation," a list that includes Michael Cohen, Michael Flynn, George Papadopoulos, Jeff Sessions and ... REDACTED.

FUCKING GIVE IT, BILL BARR, WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY OF THESE ASSHOLES' PERSONAL PRIVACY.

OK, table of contents of Volume 1 -- the Russia Stuff finished. This encompasses the first half of the report or so. Now we dive into the details! Obstruction will come after. And we're going to try to really go through this methodically instead of skipping around, so if there's something we haven't covered yet, WE'RE NOT FUCKING THERE YET, DICKMOUTHS!

11:58: Page 9. Russia interfered with the 2016 in "sweeping and systematic fashion." Obviously we knew that, but, you know, it could have been a 400-pound hacker. Donald Trump is just saying. Mueller also confirms on this page that the investigation started when the Australian government approached the FBI about its diplomat's encounter with George Papadopoulos, who seemed to have intel from the Russian government that it was going to help the Trump campaign by fucking Hillary Clinton over.

SO FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT THE DOSSIER, DEVIN NUNES.

Mueller's principal finding is that the Russian interference involved both the social media operation to hurt Hillary Clinton and help Trump, and the hacking operation to accomplish the same purpose. Mueller states that the investigation did establish that Russia knew it wanted Trump to be president, and that that would be great for them, and also that the Trump campaign thought Russia's help -- the assistance of a hostile foreign power -- was just REALLY FUCKIN' GREAT, but "did not establish that members of the Trump Campaign conspired or coordinated with the Russian government in its election interference activities." Did not establish, which means could not prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Also, here you see Mueller's limited mandate, which is confined to the specific election inteference activities himself.

But this section is almost 200 pages long, so NO RUSSIA, NO RUSSIA, YOU ARE THE RUSSIA.

12:06: PAGE 10:

"A STATEMENT THAT THE INVESTIGATION DID NOT ESTABLISH PARTICULAR FACTS DOES NOT MEAN THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE OF THOSE FACTS."

ALL CAPS COURTESY OF WONKETTE.

12:11: PAGE 11:

Mueller notes that "collusion" and "coordination" are not actual terms of law, and that in investigating this, he had to use federal statutes related to conspiracy. This isn't new information, but a lot of it is just good hearing it from Mueller's mouth.

OK, we are switching page number systems, because we just noticed the PDF we're using is numbered differently from the hard copy. So from now on, when we say "page such-and-such," refer to the page numbers printed on the bottom.

12:17: On page 5 (see note just above, we did not go backward!) there is redaction saying that SOMEBODY took a bullhorn and told the Trump campaign about how WikiLeaks was about to give 'em some Russian love. Hey, we wonder who that is! We should note, though, that the redacted text is a lot longer than "Roger Stone," but maybe it says "Known person with a badly shaped head Roger Stone." That would fit. Or maybe it says more!

12:20: Starting on page 5, Mueller gives us an outline of the contacts between Russia and the Trump campaign -- which were happening concurrently with Russia's conspiracy operations to fuck Hillary and help Trump -- that Mueller considers most salient. He lists:

  • Starting in 2015, the Trump Tower Moscow project, which Trump lied about constantly on the campaign trail, and which Michael Cohen lied to Congress about. Here's everything we know about that, from reading BuzzFeed's tranche of documents on the project. This is the beginning of the official campaign to get Trump to remove sanctions on Russia, possibly as an unofficial quid pro quo between Russia and Trump for installing him in office. Remember, just because Mueller DID NOT ESTABLISH does not mean he FOUND NO EVIDENCE. We think there was a lot of winking and nudging that wasn't picked up on intelligence community intercepts.
  • Starting in March 2016, the George Papadopoulos shit.
  • The Trump Tower meeting, where Russia offered dirty sexxxy dirts on Hillary Clinton to Donald Trump Jr. as "part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump." NO COLLUSION.
  • All the Carter Page shit, considering how he had been on the FBI's radar as the world's stupidest Russian intelligence asset for a fuckton of very long time!
  • Paul Manafort's August 2, 2016, meeting with his Russian spy buddy Konstantin Kilimnik in New York City. He was bringing a "peace plan" for Ukraine (which means LIFT SANCTIONS!), which Manafort told Mueller was a "backdoor" way to give Eastern Ukraine to Russia.
  • "THEY ALSO DISCUSSED THE STATUS OF THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN AND MANAFORT'S STRATEGY FOR WINNING DEMOCRATIC VOTES IN MIDWESTERN STATES." Huh, weird how Paul Manafort just lied and lied and fucking lied about this meeting, where he was discussing voter outreach plans in Midwestern states, which is ... exactly where Trump squeaked out his non-victory! Remember how Manafort passed Kilimnik polling data, which Kilimnik gave to ?????????.
  • He kept giving Kilimnik polling data even after that meeting. WONDER WHY.

12:35: Continuing on with more bullet points!

But guys? Let us keep remembering "did not establish," which is not the same thing as "did not happen." This document is a fucking road map and there is still muuuuuuuuch more to investigate.

  • The WikILeaks releases on October 7, 2016, the same day the grab 'em by the pussy tape came out, and the government publicly blamed Russia for election interference.
  • Contacts during the transition, initiated by Russians and approved at the highest levels of the Russian governnment, including meetings between transition officials and the Russian ambassador, Erik Prince's Seychelles meeting with Kirill Dmitriev.

Let's pause! Because here the document states (p. 7) that Dmitriev specifically initiated plans for the meeting with Erik Prince, and also with "a friend of Jared's." Dmitriev and "Jared's friend" worked together on a reconciliation plan, and "Jared" gave it to Rex Tillerson and Steve Bannon. Oh, Jared!

This section also confirms that Viadimir Putin didn't retaliate against Obama's election inteference sanctions because Michael Flynn asked the Russian ambassador to ask Putin not to. Trump tweeted "GREAT JOB" in response to Putin doing what Flynn asked Sergey Kislyak to ask Putin to do. NO RUSSIA!

12:48: Page 8, Mueller previews the obstruction section in Volume 2. Notes that Trump reacted very poorly to appointment of Mueller (he reportedly said "FUCK"! and Barr didn't redact the vowels in "FUCK"), tried to make Sessions un-recuse, tried to get Mueller fired, tried to fuck the Special Counsel's investigation, tried to withhold evidence, and so forth.

NO OBSTRUCTION!

12:51: As Mueller previews his charging decisions, there are redactions again obviously related to Roger Stone, which is ongoing, and again, a "personal privacy" redaction. Somebody else's name is involved in the hacking operation. BUT WHO? Page 9:

Mueller also notes here again that he found beaucoups links between Trump people and Russia, but that the "evidence was not sufficient" under US law to prosecute. He specifically says there wasn't enough to prosecute people as literal actual foreign agents, and that the "evidence was not sufficient" to charge on the Trump Tower meeting or the WikiLeaks releases as campaign finance violations. Huh!

We said recently that we expected to find in the Mueller report really fucking gross behavior that may not have risen to the level of criminality, but that should. This is why Congress needs every word of this report, so they can, like, MAKE LAWS.

12:59: A theory on the internet is that the "personal privacy" redaction in the hacking operation may be noted dead guy Peter Smith (we're going personal privacy redactions for dead guys?), who bragged about working with Michael Flynn to find HILLARY'S MISSING 33,000 EMAILS. Then he ended up bizarrely dead. Note that Michael Flynn, who is still cooperating, has not been sentenced.

Here, a thread:

The rest of page 9 is about how literally everybody lied to the SCO. Fucking everyone. Many of those we already know about, because they got indicted. TOTAL EXONERATION!

1:03: There will also be things in here that Mueller actually determined were some bullshit, as opposed to the evidence "not being sufficient" to establish crime/collusion/coordination/cahoots-ing. Page 10 previews those, including the May 2016 Trump foreign policy meeting at the Mayflower Hotel, attended by Russian ambassador Sergey Kisylak. Quite frankly, we thought that one was a big nothing. It also seems to suggest that Jeff Sessions's contacts with Kislyak during that summer and late fall were a big nothing, and that, interestingly, the Trump campaign's RNC platform change on Ukraine wasn't done in service of Trump or Russia. Actually, that one says "did not establish."

And speaking of DID NOT ESTABLISH, here's a whole block you need to read:

We're not transcribing that, but here's what it says. Sometimes the investigation "did not ... yield admissible information or testimony, or a complete picture," because some people improperly pleaded the Fifth; because some stuff was covered by attorney-client privilege; because FUCKERS LIED; and because a lot of the people they needed to talk to live in Not America.

Oh, and also Trump campaign people and other associates "DELETED RELEVANT COMMUNICATIONS OR COMMUNICATED DURING THE RELEVANT PERIOD USING APPLICATIONS THAT FEATURE ENCRYPTION." And that made it hard to "corroborate witness statements."

Therefore, that means there are gaps (remember how we said this is a road map for journalists and Congress?), and that filling in the gaps could "shed additional light on (or cast in a new light" the stuff they investigated. Jesus Christ.

Here are the legal limits of your witch hunt, Donald Trump. You happy, you un-American motherfucker?

1:25: Guessing the second personal privacy redaction here, on specific people Mueller was authorized to criminally investigate, is Donald Trump, Jr., because look at the words "Donald Trump, Jr." and ask how that tiny little redacted section ended up on the second line.

If we're right, then hooray, Junior, you dipshit! You're free! (So far.) (For now.)

Also notable at the end of that section that Jeff Sessions, the sitting attorney general, was under criminal investigation. Totally normal!

1:31: How big was this investigation? (p. 13)

2800 subpoenas

500 search-and-seizure warrants

230 orders for communication records

50 orders for pen registers (they track ingoing and outgoing phone calls)

13 requests for assistance from foreign governments

500 witness interviews (80 people before the grand jury)

1:34: We're now moving into the section on Russian active measures, which will probably go a lot faster, as we'll mostly highlight info that's new, and we know a lot of this because of Mueller's speaking indictments of all those fucking Russians. Refresh yourselves on them HERE and HERE.

1:37: Reminder: The IRA (troll farm) campaign against the American election began in 2014, with information-gathering missions to the United States. They had this up their sleeves for a long-ass time. (Notable, of course, that we pretty much could assume Hillary Clinton would be running for president in 2016 by then.)

1:41: A FUCKTON of redactions in the section about the case against the IRA, which is, of course, ongoing. A FUCKTON. The point, though, is that through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and PROBABLY GRINDR (don't think they were on Grindr), Russia was able to reach hundreds of millions of people and influence the election against Hillary and for Trump. Remember how Trump "won" by 70,000 votes in three specific states? Weird, huh. Wonder what Paul Manafort's spy friend did with that polling data Manafort kept passing along.

And all of it was led by Yevgeny Prigozhin, aka "Putin's chef," who if you cannot tell by the nickname, is hella close to Putin. Anyway, that case is over there in the Eastern District of Virginia now.

1:57: Seriously, when we talk about the sheer number of people the social media campaigns from Russia reached, consider:

That's specifically the list of people who interacted with @TEN_GOP, which pretended to be affiliated with the Tennessee Republican Party.

It was the very highest levels of the campaign disseminating Russian disinformation intended to help Trump and hurt Hillary and undermine our elections. Breathtaking.

2:00: We're going through the report in order, but if you'd like a searchable version, Cory Booker is here to help.

2:02: Reminder: the IRA's ops specifically laid out by February 2016 (p. 23) that they were trying to hurt Hillary and help Trump. One documents specifically said it was cool to attack anybody "except Sanders and Trump -- we support them." MM HMM.

2:07: Other people promoting IRA shit? Sean Hannity. Michael Flynn Jr. Roger Stone. Eric Trump. No biggie.

Oh yeah, and the Trump campaign posted one of the IRA's fake political rallies (which actually happened) on its Facebook page. Totally normal.

2:17: We made it through the IRA section! Onto the WikiLeaks section! (page 36)

2:19: OK, this is interesting. In a section about Trump LOVES WIKILEAKS, we got some redactions, probably related to the ongoing case against Roger Stone. We think the redacted part within "stayed in contact ... about WikiLeaks's activities" probably says "with Stone." We are also guessing the redaction about the investigation being unable to resolve something involves Trump's foreknowledge of WikILeaks's activities on October 7, 2016, after the pussy tape fell. (Michael Cohen says he knew!)

2:23: Weird how in this section it doesn't even seem as if Mueller investigated whether maybe the hacking was done by a 400-pounder in New Jersey or MAYBE IT WAS 'GINA.

2:25: Hey, remember how Russia, on top of hacking Democrats, also hacked state election infrastructure and election software companies? Page 37 reminds us of that.

2:45: Lots of REALLY OBVIOUS redactions in the WikiLeaks section about Roger Stone, but remember there is a gag order in effect and blah blah blah blah blah.

2:52: One weird thing to highlight in the WikiLeaks section (pp. 48-49) is how, though Russian military intelligence was disguising itself to WikiLeaks in its communications, Julian Assange and WikiLeaks still intentionally started conspiracy theories about former DNC staffer Seth Rich being murdered because he was the leaker. They knew they were protecting somebody important. The report further notes that because they went to such great lengths to hide their communications -- on both sides -- Mueller's office was unable to get its hands on a lot of their communications. Even after it was reported that Russia was the source, Assange and WikiLeaks continued to lie.

Did WikiLeaks know exactly who they were dealing with/protecting the whole time? Is that a good question to ask, GLENN GREENWALD?

2:57: Hey, remember that time Trump said Russia if you're listening and asked them to find Hillary's mythical MISSING EMAILS? And then Russia tried starting to hack her personal office FIVE HOURS LATER? The Mueller Report is just reminding us of that on page 49.

2:59: Mueller's office did not investigate Russian hacking into election infrastructure or voting software. Says it's their understanding that the FBI, the DHS, and states investigated those. (You didn't want to be sure, Bob?)

3:02: Maybe this is all Roger Stone stuff on page 52, maybe it is not, but we'd sure like to know what's behind these boxes related to contacts between the Trump campaign and WikiLeaks. Bill Barr, FUCKING GIVE IT.

3:09: More redactions about Trump campaign foreknowledge of WikILeaks. Again, might all be about Roger Stone, MIGHT BE BULLSHIT.

That first section is clearly the story Michael Cohen told about Roger Stone telling Trump about upcoming WikiLeaks document dumps.

But that second part seems new! Paul Manafort was very excited about the WikiLeaks stuff, and he talked to Trump about it! Sounds like Manafort was specificaly asking to be kept in the loop with foreknowledge of what WikiLeaks would be doing to help the campaign and fuck Hillary. If this is all legit redaction, it sounds like Roger Stone's upcoming trial might be more lit than we knew, y'all!

Also new, we think:

Late summer 2016, Trump and Rick Gates were driving to LaGuardia, and Trump talked to (PROBABLY ROGER STONE) on the phone in the car, after which Trump "told Gates that more releases of damaging information would be coming." Sounds like foreknowledge to us!

3:15: Ugh, a footnote on page 54 specifically says crazy jackhole Jerome Corsi -- who helped with the SwiftBoat conspiracy theory against John Kerry and helped spearhead the bullshit birther movement against Barack Obama -- told the SCO that Trump was particularly interested in his writing. Because our president is an unfit tinfoil hat-wearing dipshit conspiracy theorist from hell, who needs daily neurological exams probably.

3:20: Anyway, there is a shitload more redacted about Jerome Corsi and Roger Stone, and this part is making our eyes glaze over (or maybe they are just doing that anyway), so here, refresh yourself on crazy Jerome Corsi if you'd like. It's significant, because it's pretty clear those guys specifically knew that Clinton campaign chair John Podesta's emails were in WikiLeaks's upcoming releases.

3:24: On page 59, it sounds like Jerome Corsi tried to claim to Mueller that it was he who helped pull the trigger on WikiLeaks releasing Podesta's emails an hour after the pussy tape came out, because he had foreknowledge of the pussy tape coming out. However, Mueller notes that he was unable to corroborate anything that came out of that shitbird's shit mouth about the events of that day. LOL.

3:34: Oh yeah, remember all those Twitter DMs Donald Trump Jr. shared with WikiLeaks? We've known about them for a while, because he was so fuckin' proud of them! Pages 59 and 60 recount how Junior and WikiLeaks helped each other spread bullshit Hillary conspiracy theories and Democratic emails stolen by Russia. They were helpers to each other!

NO COLLUSION.

3:40: On page 62, after a whole thing about a dead-end Russian in Florida named Henry Greenberg, we get more RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING, because man oh man, Donald Trump was obsessed with finding those "missing Hillary emails," because he believes everything he reads in Sean Hannity's wet skidmarks. Michael Flynn said Trump was just obsessed with finding them. (AND OBAMA'S BIRF TIFKIT ALSO MAYBE?)

Remember the dead guy Peter Smith? Soon after Trump said RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING, Smith, apparently believing he was "Russia" decided he was listening and would find those emails. He said he was in cahoots with the Russian hackers! He said he was working with the Trump campaign!

Meanwhile, a different batshit lady named Barbara Ledeen was workin' on findin' those emails too! Initially Peter Smith told her to fuck off, because he was finding those emails! But Barbara Ledeen got some emails on the dark web! She got funding FROM ERIK PRINCE to find out if the emails were real! They weren't!

The investigation ultimately established that all these people were full of shit.

Peter Smith is dead now.

3:55: Now on page 66, we move on to 100 pages of Trump campaign ties with Russians NO COLLUSION!

4:04: As we head into this section, remember what we've noted about how Mueller was limited by fuckers who lied, and also it seems by specific problems with our laws that need to be addressed. Also, LOOK AT ALL THESE FUCKERS. (We are about to tell you about lots of fuckers.)

4:15: This section, which we are reading right now, starts with all the failed attempts to build a Trump Tower Moscow, starting with their plans after the Moscow Miss Universe pageant in 2013, with Aras and Emin Agalarov and their rep Ike Kaveladze, who showed up at the Trump Tower meeting, HOW WEIRD. It is all good historical information and very detailed, but not a bunch of stuff we didn't know already. (Perhaps Robert Mueller should pursue a second career as being Mother Jones reporter David Corn!)

It sure sets the stage, though! Both in terms of Trump's greed, his lies, and why Russia might want to cultivate and use him to lift sanctions. Trump told Michael Cohen if the project really happened, it would be a great "infomercial" for his properties. Uh huh.

4:36: HUH. Remember the thing about Ivanka and the Russian Olympic weightlifter Dmitry Klokov, who reached out to Ivanka Trump offering help with the Trump Tower Moscow? NOT A WEIGHTLIFTER. That was Michael Cohen's fuckup, because he apparently accidentally Googled the dude and incorrectly concluded it was this former Olympian. This Dmitry Klokov was actually a bigwig with a Russian energy company, promising to help with "synergy" between the Trump Organization and the Russian government.

Reason we bring this up is the guy's then-wife Lana Erchova was the one who made the initial contact with Vanky. Klokov and Cohen had been negotiating over trying to get Cohen to travel to Moscow to meet with Klokov and an "unidentified intermediary" on the project. As we read Mueller's reporting, it sounds like Cohen wanted to make sure any visits were made specifically in conjunction with the business deal. Klokov, meanwhile, really wanted to separate that, and have Trump, who was at this point a presidential candidate, come to Russia in more informal way, to meet with "our person of interest." Point of starting this paragraph with Erchova is that she, now divorced, emailed Mueller's office unsolicited in summer 2018 and said OH BY THE WAY, "our person of interest" was Vladimir Putin.

That email also said "Russian officials" wanted to offer "candidate Trump" not only meetings wtih Putin, but also "land in Crimea among other things." (!!!!!)

Page 73:

Did Vladimir Putin want to give Trump stolen land in exchange for stealing an election for him? And hasn't Trump always been super weird and pro-Russian about Putin's unlawful seizure of Crimea? This seems like something Congress needs to investigate more, maybe?

4:53: While we continue to parse through this Trump Tower Moscow stuff, can we just re-highlight the fact that PAUL MANAFORT SPECIFICALLY TALKED ABOUT BATTLEGROUND STATES WITH HIS RUSSIAN SPY FRIEND AND WE STILL DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HIS RUSSIAN SPY FRIEND DID WITH THAT INFORMATION OR THE INTERNAL POLLING DATA MANAFORT GAVE HIM?

5:01: And that the Trump campaign not only knew about Russia's activities through WikiLeaks BEFORE THE EMAILS WERE DUMPED? And were planning campaign strategy around it? Just ... wow.

This scandal is just beginning.

5:07: On pages 79 and 80, the story of one of the MANY invitations Trump received to go to Moscow, this time through a New York investment banker named Robert Foresman, who was asked by a Russian political figure named Anton Kobyakov to invite Trump to the St. Petersburg Economic Forum. You are not gonna believe this, but Foresman wanted to talk to Trump about a fucking "peace plan" for Ukraine. Yes, another one! That presumably would involve lifting sanctions on Russia! WEIRD HOW THAT ALWAYS COMES UP.

Here's an interesting twist, though. This time, as Foresman told Mueller, the Russian dude had also reached out to "another Republican presidential candidate and one other politician." They came to Trump after "another candidate" dropped out of the race. (Rand Paul? We are just spitballing.) Russians just fucking ERRWHERE.

5:15: Meanwhile, Trump foreign policy adviser George Papadopoulos was jizzing intel about Russia having dirt on Hillary to Australian diplomats and also trying to arrange his own meeting between Trump and Putin. So many people tried to get those two lovebirds together during the campaign! Shame they never found each other. (Allegedly.)

Yeah, anyway, we are reading about Pap now.

5:19: Remember when Pap was on Kasie Hunt a few weeks back and she tried to keep a straight face while he said conspiracy theories about how the FBI set him up and that the mysterious Maltese professor Joseph Mifsud, who approached him and told him about the dirt Russia had on Hillary, was some sort of FBI plant or something?

ABOUT THAT.

According to Mueller's report, Mifsud had contacts with a "one-time employee of the IRA" (the troll farm doing the social media fuckery), and also REDACTED, who "was linked to an employee of the Russian Ministry of Defense, and that account had overlapping contacts with a group of Russian military-controlled Facebook accounts that included accounts used to promote the DCLeaks releases in the course of the GRU's hack-and-release operations."

Oh. Guess Mifsud might have been in a position to know, and maybe is not a secret DEEPSTATESPYGATEWITCHHUNT!

5:30: Love this footnote about George Papadopoulos's internet search history when he was trying to figure out if the lady Mifsud told him was Putin's niece was really Putin's nice. THIS IS THE ONLY PART OF PAP'S SEARCH HISTORY WE NEED, ROBERT MUELLER, DON'T TELL US MORE.

5:33: Also sounds like Pap lied to the campaign a lot about his big man Russian contacts. Pap is a shit. And a dork.

5:47: The sheer number of people who were trying to set up illicit meetings between Trump and Putin ... boy I don't know! Pap, all the people involved with the various failed Trump Tower Moscow projects, just now reading (page 90) about the chief rabbi of Russia, reportedly close to Putin, reaching out to the campaign about setting those two boys up.

NO RUSSIA, THOUGH. Definitely not for President "I'm Fucked"!

5:51: This is a page from Pap's journal about his Russia contacts, which he refused to help investigators decipher.

That is just some very good handwriting.

5:55: Mueller specifically notes (p. 94) that he was limited in investigating Pap's ties with that weird character Sergei Millian, who tried to get Pap to take a second job working for Russians while also working for the Trump administration, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE SPYWORK, BOB, because Millian stayed out of the country throughout the investigation. Sounds like something that should be investgiated more, we think! But for now, go back and read the weird story we wrote about all that a couple months back!

6:00: The next major Trump person with Russian contacts listed is Carter Page. Do we care? The investigation "did not establish" that Page coordinated with the Russian hacking/social media stuff, which is expected, because nobody thought he did. He's a serious fuckup, though. (Russian intelligence likely long ago concluded that Page was simply too stupid to be a spy.)

6:05: Of course, Page was also trying to set Trump up with Putin, because apparently if you are in close proximity to either of those guys, you are literally overcome with an insatiable desire to Christian Mingle them into each other's pants.

6:12: Did Mueller clear Carter Page on what the hell he was doing in summer of 2016 when he traveled to Russia, where THE DOSSIER alleges he was privy to a sort of quid pro quo deal involving selling a portion of Russian energy giant Rosneft and laundering the proceeds to Trump?

Well ...

We quote:

REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED

not sure.

You betcha.

6:15: Haha, Carter Page tried to get a job with the Trump administration, but they ignored his dumb ass. Stupid idiot.

6:32: The next section about foreign contacts involves Dimitri Simes, the Center for National Interest (CNI), and Trump's first big boy foreign policy speech at the Mayflower Hotel in April of 2016, where Trump and Jeff Sessions shook hands wtih the Russian ambassador. It also involves Simes's later contacts with Jared Kushner. Robert Mueller declares that all this shit is BORING. Or at least Wonkette does.

Let's do the Trump Tower meeting! The one Robert Mueller declined to prosecute Donald Trump Jr. over because he determined that Donald Trump Jr. was too stupid to know what he was doing! Hooray!

6:36: Actually, we lied, because we want pizza.

OK, so here's where we are! We've gone through a lot of the NO COLLUSION section, and we have more to read tomorrow. So in the morning, we will have a liveblog where we pick up where we left off (on page 110) on the rest of NO COLLUSION. Then we will race through the NO OBSTRUCTION section, where we learn all the ways President I'm Fucked tried to obstruct the investigation. And then it will be the weekend, and Trump will be I'M FUCKED, because baby, this shit is not over and this report is NOT LOOKIN' GOOD FOR HIM.

How bad? Read this thread from Jared Yates Sexton:

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING!

NO COLLUSION! TOTALLY EXONERATED! AND DON'T FORGET TO TIP US, BELOW!

HI GOOD MORNING. Come see us for Part Two over here!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to keep the lights on, please. We appreciate you, most of the time.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc