Bill Barr might be the poor man's Roy Cohn, but breaking news, he's even cheaper than you knew:

That's right, Barr's Department of Justice is dropping the case against Michael Flynn, who "arguably sold [his] country out," according to the judge on his case, after Barr's even cheaper US attorney pal in Missouri Jeffrey Jensen investigated the investigators and decided Flynn WUZ FRAAAAAMED, just as Flynn's new human clown Fox News lawyer Sidney Powell has been arguing, baselessly.

But framed by whom? Oh, just by FBI agents, who asked him questions, which FORCED Flynn to lie and say he did not discuss sanctions relief with the Russian ambassador, which the FBI had on tape — indeed, he was the one on the call who brought it up! — and which Flynn pleaded guilty to in open court. "I recognize that the actions I acknowledged in court today were wrong, and, through my faith in God, I am working to set things right," said Flynn, whose fingers must have been crossed behind his little un-American shithole back. Remember also that as part of Flynn's sweet-ass deal, he also pleaded to FARA (literal actual foreign agent) violations, because of how he is guilty of them.

We will be holding our breath as we wait for the Trump/Barr/Kremlin DOJ to file new charges for all the shit he got to skate on before when he copped to the lying, hahahahaha just kidding, America is run by criminals.

Read some words from the AP, because we gotta go get our inhaler:


The move is a stunning reversal for one of the signature cases brought by special counsel Robert Mueller. It comes even though prosecutors for the last three years had maintained that Flynn had lied to the FBI about his conversations with the Russian ambassador in a January 2017 interview. Flynn himself admitted as much, and became a key cooperator for Mueller as he investigated ties between Russia and the 2016 Trump campaign. [...]

The Justice Department said it had concluded that Flynn's interview by the FBI was "untethered to, and unjustified by, the FBI's counterintelligence investigation into Mr. Flynn" and that the interview on January 24, 2017 was "conducted without any legitimate investigative basis."

The U.S. attorney reviewing the Flynn case, Jeff Jensen, recommended the move to Attorney General William Barr last week and formalized the recommendation in a document this week.

This is quite literally breathtaking, and we could not find our inhaler.

We've said it many times since Bill Barr became attorney general, but the United States is not currently a rule of law country, not anymore, not in the Trump era. We are little better than Putin's Russia at this point, which is funny, because one of Putin's goals this whole time has been to expose the West as a fraud and prove we're all just as backwards and gross as he is. And you thought Putin didn't get what he paid for when he helped Trump get "elected"! Silly you.

The motion to dismiss is signed by Timothy Shea, the asslicking Bill Barr right-hand man the attorney general installed after Trump pushed out DC US Attorney Jessie Liu, on grounds of insufficient asslicking. Lawyers on Twitter are working their way through the 100-page filing right now, but the general argument from DOJ is as stupid as it is simple:

Really, that's it. Just read the first two pages of the filing. That's how specious their argument is.

They are also literally arguing, with straight faces we presume, that because the agents did not specifically tell Flynn that it's naughty to lie — Flynn, who was a decorated military officer with a security clearance for YEARSFUCKINGYEARS — that his lying simply does not count, because how could he have possibly known lying to the FBI is bad?

The interviewing agents failed to issue the common Section 1001 admonitions about lying to investigators.

If we read any more of this filing, our heads will literally explode, and you don't want us getting splodey-headed.

Smart law person Susan Hennessey reminds us of a loyalty test Flynn has passed with flying colors, which suggests why he might be getting this special treatment from Trump's boy-servant at the DOJ:

OH YEAH. That's right there in the Mueller Report! We STILL don't know for sure if Donald Trump is or is not a witting/unwitting Russian agent/asset who directed Flynn to tell the Russian ambassador to tell Putin to ignore Barack Obama's retaliatory sanctions, since Trump would be inaugurated and fix it all very soon.

Chelsea Handler breathing GIF by Team Coco Giphy

It's worth remembering that the inspector general of the Justice Department found nothing wrong with Flynn's prosecution, and testified to it in Congress. Everybody who's looked at the case has found it to be on the up-and-up. But Barr's asslicker in Missouri has decided it's bad, which is just exactly what he was supposed to do!

It's also worth remembering that Bill Barr has a bunch of other "investigate the investigators" investigations out there, including the Durham investigation, which seeks to fully exonerate Trump and Russia of all wrongdoing, by "proving" there was a Deep State conspiracy at the FBI to allow Hillary Clinton to steal the election from herself, in order to frame Donald Trump for, God, we don't even fucking know, these people are all on bath salts.

Judge Emmet Sullivan, who has presided over the case against Michael Flynn, will have to agree with the DOJ's filing for all Flynn's troubles to go away officially. Sullivan is just continually amused by Michael Flynn, and was the judge who convinced Flynn maybe he should cooperate with the government a whole bunch more, lest he throw Flynn in prison to rot, even though DOJ was originally recommending no jail time for Flynn. Indeed, Sullivan has been unimpressed with all of it.

So we'll see what happens. Regardless, whatever communication comes down from Sullivan is sure to be heavily quote-worthy. One interesting thing to watch: The DOJ is asking Sullivan to dismiss the case with prejudice. If he dismisses without prejudice, then Barr's mission NOT accomplished, especially if there is a new sheriff in town come January 2021.

If people don't resign en masse today, this afternoon, by close of business, the Justice Department is broken beyond any repair for the foreseeable future. The news was foreshadowed about an hour before the announcement, when Brandon Van Grack, one of the Flynn prosecutors, withdrew from the case.

But like we said, we need resignations. LIke 300 of them or so, enough that it comes up on Bill Barr from behind and kicks his pudgy legs out from under his filthy body and renders his criminal operation fully unable to function.

You-Know-Who is taking a victory lap:

Speaking of filthy bodies.

This is a bad day, we are done with it, OPEN THREAD.

[AP]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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