No sooner had we published our LAST piece on Bill Barr Is A Lying Pigfuck than the Wall Street Journal reported that on a call with prosecutors last week, Barr told them maybe they should just charge protesters with SEDITION, YES WE SAID SEDITION. Which, if you'll recall from your studies, is literally planning to overthrow the government.

You see, Bill Barr isn't just Donald Trump's cover-ups guy, he's also, at age 70, having a severe case of authoritarian Little Man Syndrome, and he wants to LOCK THEM UP people exercising their constitutional rights to protest, especially if the little people are displeased with Barr's boss trying to do a coup before their very eyes and seize power illegally against the will of American voters.

Oh sure, he puts the word "violent" in front of protesters, and pretends he respects the rights of peaceful protesters, who are different from the violent ones. But remember he gave the orders that ended with the gassing of peaceful protesters, including a priest, at Lafayette Square, so that Trump could do his fascist Bible photo-op. So when Barr says "violent protesters," you should just assume he wants to attack your Nana,. And her priest.

Bill Barr is out of fucking control.

Last night, he went to speak to wingnut kids at the wingnut Hillsdale College, and showed us just how out of fucking control he is. The Washington Post was the first to report on his version of a Michael Caputo Facebook Live Meltdown, and we don't even know where to start, so we'll just start.


He really fucking hates the career people at the Justice Department.

Barr would like you to know that he is the ATTORNEY GENERAL of these United States, and if you plebeian line prosecutors don't like him sticking his greasy jowls into your cases so he can protect the president's friends, who do you even think you are?

"What exactly am I interfering with?" he asked. "Under the law, all prosecutorial power is invested in the attorney general."

Let's go to CNN for a fuller quote, because there was more:

"These people are agents of the attorney general. As I say, FBI agents, whose agent do you think you are?" Barr asked on Tuesday, adding that career lawyers, too, might be influenced by politics. "And I say, 'What exactly am I interfering with?' When you boil it right down, it's the will of the most junior member of the organization who has some idea he wants to do something. What makes that sacrosanct?"

Agents of the what? Whose agent do they think they are? Here we were, under the impression that the oath federal employees take is to defend the Constitution. Apparently Barr thinks the oath is sworn directly to him and his criminal shithole boss.

Barr really really really hates these career people, who somehow don't understand that their job is to do criminal cover-ups for a criminal president. And if they don't like that? Well, then they're just pre-schoolers, yes he compared them to pre-schoolers:

"Letting the most junior members set the agenda might be a good philosophy for a Montessori preschool, but it is no way to run a federal agency," he said.

Fuck you.

Barr went so far as to accuse OTHERS of going "headhunting" for people to prosecute for criminal reasons. (He appeared to be talking about how the Department of Justice tried to hold Michael Flynn and Roger Stone accountable for the many brazen crimes they committed, even though they are Donald Trump's friends.) Then we imagine he went back to overseeing his bullshit John Durham Obamagate INVESTIGATE THE INVESTIGATORS inquiry, to punish Obama people for doing Wire Tapps to Trump (they didn't), and for holding Russia accountable for the election attack that helped install Trump in the presidency.

Or maybe he thought some more about prosecuting Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan, for not letting him send his storm troopers into town to attack citizens. Because that's a suggestion he has also made.

Or maybe he went to his office to make up some new lies about mail-in voting, in order to discredit the vote on November 3 when Trump's loss starts becoming visible.

Let's finish this section with this astounding psychological example of projection:

"Now you have to call your adversary a criminal, and instead of beating them politically, you try to put them in jail," Barr said, asserting that the United States was becoming akin to an Eastern European country.

The man serves a president who literally calls for jailing his opponents almost daily. Did we already say fuck you? Because fuck you.

Gonna be interesting to see how those career people at FBI/DOJ react to this one. If anybody else wants to resign and tell their story, Wonkette HEREBY INVITES you to do that.

Stay-at-home orders are pretty much just like slavery.

Barr has been on the "give people coronavirus" side of things since the beginning, intervening against stay-at-home orders and especially manufacturing bullshit claims of religious discrimination, as if churches were being singled out when governors and mayors started banning large gatherings. Surely he's not too stupid to understand that church services — like concerts — are a specific type of gathering that act as super-spreaders for the pandemic. Perhaps he is that stupid.

Here's what he said about that at Hillsdale:

Addressing a Constitution Day celebration hosted by Hillsdale College, the event's host asked Barr to explain the "constitutional hurdles for forbidding a church from meeting during Covid-19." [...]

"You know, putting a national lockdown, stay at home orders, is like house arrest. Other than slavery, which was a different kind of restraint, this is the greatest intrusion on civil liberties in American history," Barr said as a round of applause came from the crowd.

A "different kind of restraint." But otherwise, basically, it's the same. Being forced to put your all-you-can-eat gravy buckets from the Ryan's Family Steakhouse into to-go boxes and eat them at home is just like slavery, except a little different.

Did we say fuck you yet?

Black lives matter to Bill Barr, just not in any way that actually matters.

Barr's thoughts to the white children at Hillsdale College, about Black Lives Matter:
"They're not interested in Black lives. They're interested in props, a small number of Blacks who are killed by police during conflicts with police — usually less than a dozen a year — who they can use as props to achieve a much broader political agenda."

Bill Barr keeps saying this, and we shouldn't let it go unchallenged. If Barr thinks "200 to 250 Black people a year killed by police" is "less than a dozen" then he could use some remedial math. And remedial human.

We really love it when old white racists lie to white child racists about what Black people are really fighting for. Gotta pass the Jim Crow torch somehow!

Did we say fuck you yet?

Bill Barr is out of fucking control.

Bill Barr's behavior and words are not a bug, they're a feature. In every fascist regime, there are loyal servants who enforce for the dictator. And Bill Barr — that low-rent pigfuck dime store broken condom dispenser version of Roy Cohn who Trump hired almost solely because he believes (white Republican) presidents are above the law — is one of those loyal servants.

And he's reporting for duty, not to the Constitution, but to help Trump seize power in this year's election, because he's a fucking authoritarian.

Some might call him evil. And also a lying pigfuck.

Yep, some might call him that.

The end.

[Washington Post / CNN]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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