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How much "on fire" is Bill Barr's Justice Department right now? ALL THE ON FIRES.

And here's another one for you! The DOJ has closed its investigation into Trump enemy and former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe, according to his lawyers, because it can't seem to gin up any charges against him. Aw shucks! And Trump has been so fuckin' mad about that (SO MAD), why is Bill Barr refusing to deliver McCabe's head on a OH HEY LOOK OVER HERE, DONALD TRUMP!

Giphy

That's a good Donald Trump! Chase it! Chase it!

Bill Barr has now brought in an outside prosecutor, Jeffrey Jensen, US Attorney for the Eastern District of Missouri, to (for the 50th time) check and see if maybe Michael Flynn WUZ FRAMED when those mean FBI agents asked him questions about his contacts with the Russian ambassador, and he decided to lie right out of his facehole. SPOILER, Barr idiot: He was not framed.


The New York Times reports:

Attorney General William P. Barr has assigned an outside prosecutor to scrutinize the criminal case against President Trump's former national security adviser Michael T. Flynn, according to people familiar with the matter.

The review is highly unusual and could trigger more accusations of political interference by top Justice Department officials into the work of career prosecutors.

And it's not just that case either. Apparently Barr is sending in outside prosecutors to look at all kinds of "politically sensitive" cases, you know, just to make sure the Deep State didn't frame any of Donald Trump's other best friends, by forcing them to commit all these crimes.

But back to Flynn. That fuckin' idiot had pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI and had sworn to other crimes when he decided to cooperate with the government. And it was all fine until he went to get sentenced at the end of 2018. The prosecutors recommended no jail time because he had been such a good little cooperator, but the judge, Emmet Sullivan, was PISSSSSSSED about the anti-American crimes Flynn had committed, and suggested Flynn go back and cooperate harder, lest the judge throw him in jail for a whole buncha years.

Sometime after that, in 2019, Flynn decided to blow up his plea deal, fire his real lawyers, and hire this blabbering jackass and Fox News idiot Sidney "Emoji Warcrime" Powell, and Powell has been batshitting about nonexistent prosecutorial misconduct ever since, because obviously HE WUZ FRAMED! Judge Sullivan has ruled that all Powell's bellyaching is some full of crap shit, and that the FBI acted properly.

Sullivan wrote in December:

"[T]he Court summarily disposes of Mr. Flynn's arguments that the FBI conducted an ambush interview for the purpose of trapping him into making false statements and that the government pressured him to enter a guilty plea."

But sure, let's investigate it again, Bill Barr! Because that's what the US attorney from Missouri is supposed to be doing, just like the US attorney from Connecticut is totally supposed to be investigating whether Hillary Clinton forced the Deep State to frame Trump and Russia, and just like the US attorney from Utah was totally supposed to be investigating whether Hillary Clinton did a Clinton Foundation Yoga Pants Email-Ghazi with her Whitewaters.

Flynn was at last supposed to be sentenced on January 28, and then that was rescheduled for sometime soon this month allegedly, but now that is on hold, because Flynn decided now would be a good time to try to withdraw his guilty plea. Also, in a move that went less noticed than the stunt Barr pulled this week with Roger Stone, Barr's DOJ intervened on January 29 to get Flynn's sentencing recommendation taken down a notch. From a whole six months.

Because UNFAIIIIIIIIIIIIR, Michael Flynn is Donald Trump's buddy, UNFAIIIIIIIIIIIR!

And if you can't keep up with all these twists and turns, trust us when we say it doesn't fucking matter, this is all horseshit and Michael Flynn needs to go fuck himself under the dinner table in Moscow at the RT awards with Vladimir Putin, because he was not fucking framed.

We have been hearing HE WUZ FRAMED! for far too long about this case. We've read the 302s of the FBI interviews with Flynn and have seen with our very own eyes that, unless Flynn considers "answering questions" by "lying" to be the way entrapment and HE WUZ FRAMED works, he was not fucking framed.

This is just Fox News bullshit invading the real world, driven on a chariot by one Bill Barr AKA Donald Trump's basement rummage sale Shake 'n Bake off-brand melted Sno-Cone sadass loser Truck Nutz replica of Roy Cohn over at Justice.

Fuck OFF, it is the weekend, we said FUCK OFF.

[New York Times / NBC News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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