WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL.

Poor Donald Trump has been doing his conspiracizing (it's like Jazzercise, but dumber) lately about how his appointed FBI Director Chris Wray AND MAYBE EVEN THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, which is led by fascist pigfuck Bill Barr, are failing to help him steal the election from Joe Biden the way he likes. He whiiiiiiiined to Fox News's Maria Bartiromo this weekend that maybe his own FBI and DOJ are literally doing a conspiracy to steal the election from him. "This is total fraud, and how the FBI and Department of Justice — I don't know," he said. "Maybe they are involved," he said.

Well it sounds like they are, and maybe Trump needs to get on Twitter and return Bill Barr to the broken rest stop condom dispenser he found him in, because Bill Barr has announced to the Associated Press that Trump is totally dead to him and he was never the REAL Roy Cohn, despite how he tricked Trump into thinking that.

Obviously, those weren't Barr's exact words. His exact words were WORSE:


Attorney General William Barr said Tuesday the Justice Department has not uncovered evidence of widespread voter fraud that would change the outcome of the 2020 presidential election. [...]

In an interview with The Associated Press, Barr said U.S. attorneys and FBI agents have been working to follow up specific complaints and information they've received, but they've uncovered no evidence that would change the outcome of the election.

"To date, we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have affected a different outcome in the election," Barr told the AP.

Reminder: This is the same Bill Barr who was absolutely willing just a couple of months ago to spread unmitigated horseshit about how China or some other foreign actor was just going to manufacture fake mail-in ballots for Joe Biden, based on the evidence he saw when he closed his eyes really tight and punched himself in the face repeatedly, allegedly.

Point is, he was completely DTF with helping Trump steal an election not so long ago. Guess that's changed.

Barr even seemed to specifically reference clownass Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani running around swearing that the Venezuelan Hugo Chavez voting machines are stealing all the Trump votes and giving them to Joe Biden:

"There's been one assertion that would be systemic fraud and that would be the claim that machines were programmed essentially to skew the election results. And the DHS and DOJ have looked into that, and so far, we haven't seen anything to substantiate that," Barr said.

In other words, yes, if the raccoons in Sidney Powell's and Rudy Giuliani's brains DID escape and they DID start mating without teeny tiny little raccoon condoms and they DID get butt pregnant with each other's raccoon babies, which then DID give the entire human population a severe new strain of hybrid rabies/herpes, that would be pretty bad! But Bill Barr has seen no evidence of that having happened.

BRB, we are checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed every five seconds to see if he has fired Barr. Nothing yet, BUT Trump is pathetically begging America to watch his favorite One America News Network, because his "legal "team" is doing another "hearing" in Michigan right now about "voter fraud."

Also the Trump "legal team" has issued a statement about Barr's comments, and LOL THEY MAD:

"With all due respect to the Attorney General, there hasn't been any semblance of a Department of Justice investigation. We have gathered amble evidence of illegal voting in at least six states, which they have not examined. We have many witnesses swearing under oath they saw crimes being committed in connection with voter fraud. As far as we know, not a single one has been interviewed by the DOJ."

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ETC.

Giphy

So that is what is happening with all that.

We are sure this late-breaking news development is unrelated to Barr's Associated Press interview, of course:

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

UPDATE: OH GOOD LORD. Late breaking very obviously timed leak to the Wall Street Journal about something that apparently happened for no good godforsaken bullshit reason back in October:

Attorney General William Barr has named Connecticut U.S. Attorney John Durham a special counsel, giving him extra protection to continue during the Biden administration his investigation of the origins of the FBI's 2016 Russia probe. [...]

In a letter dated Tuesday to Congress, Mr. Barr said he had made the appointment on October 19 but delayed notifying lawmakers "given the proximity to the presidential election."

The dumbfuck Durham probe? LOLOLOL shut up. Because that was going so well for achieving the goal of TOTAL EXONERATION of Trump before.

Joe Biden should keep him on, just for shits and giggles.

[AP]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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