Bill Barr's Fake Russia Probe Pretty Sure Hillary Clinton #Pizzagated CIA Into Framing Russia For Oh F*ck It

Speaking of Attorney General Bill Barr, AKA Donald Trump's broken truck stop condom dispenser version of Roy Cohn over there at the Justice Department ... it's time for an update on the US Attorney John Durham-"led" investigation into the REAL origins of the Trump-Russia investigation!

You know, even though the Justice Department inspector general already looked at that and found it was correctly predicated and based on very real evidence. Once Barr realized the inspector general wasn't going to give Trump, congressional Republicans, and Fox News windsocks a big fap-fest (though they certainly turned it into one!), and once he realized US Attorney John Huber's extra probe into Hillary Clinton was DOA, he had to gin up another "investigate the investigators" investigation, to keep his autocratic boss's bowels reg'lar.

Will Durham be able to invent a convincing fake story about how the Russia investigation was really a nefarious Deep State plot started by real FBI boss Hillary Clinton to stealthily steal the 2016 election from herself so that they could all frame Trump for Russia crimes? Fingers crossed!

The New York Times and the Washington Post have some new reporting on Durham's probe, and y'all, it's getting stupider.

It was already real stupid when Barr was gallivanting to Italy on a Carmen Sandiego adventure to prove Trump foreign policy dipshit George Papa-Smurfs-A-Lot was FRAAAAAAMED, I TELL YOU, FRAAAAAAAAAAMED. (The Italian government told Barr and Durham to go pound sand in Italian words, which were probably all "Ciao.")

The Post, in a piece mostly about Barr's dumb ABC News interview,reports that Trump is pissed about so many things right now, and he's just jonesing like a common coke addict for the results of the Durham investigation. He's pissed that now-fired DC US Attorney Jessie Liu didn't even charge former FBI director James Comey or former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe (CASE OFFICIALLY CLOSED) with made-up crimes, and that current FBI Director Chris Wray hasn't done enough to murder the Deep State out of the FBI. In fact, Trump was so pissed about Comey not getting charged with fake crimes, he "complained so loudly and swore so frequently in the Oval Office that some of his aides discussed it for days," oh no, President Cussy, don't make cusses!

Anyway, because all of this is coming up dry, Trump needs Durham and Barr to finish their fake investigation NOW, because he needs an investigation into his enemies to help him win re-election in 2020, oh gee where have we heard that before:

After learning that the Huber investigation is not likely to produce charges, Trump has become more insistent that Durham finish his work soon, according to people familiar with the discussions. Trump, these people said, wants to be able to use whatever Durham finds as a cudgel in his reelection campaign.

Uh huh. Can't get Ukraine to announce bullshit investigations, because he got caught and impeached forever. (FYI, Trump confessed yesterday to Geraldo that he sent Rudy Giuliani to Ukraine to do his crimes. And why? Because he doesn't trust his own intel agencies, because he, a dipshit, still thinks they did "wire tapps" to him.) Russia's obviously doing whatever it's doing to help him in 2020, and that's cool. But Trump needs MOOOOOOORE!

The Timesreport sheds more light on what Durham's investigation is "finding," and what it seems to be "finding" appears to be tailor-made for a president who ain't know shit about shit when it comes to how the US intelligence community works. Did you know the CIA was reluctant to share its sources and methods with other agencies, regarding the evidence it had that Vladimir Putin personally ordered the 2016 election attack, in order to benefit Trump, whom Putin has admitted in public he wanted to win the election? WHOA IF TRUE, and it is obviously true, because hello, have you met the CIA?

Trump administration officials investigating the government's response to Russia's election interference in 2016 appear to be hunting for a basis to accuse Obama-era intelligence officials of hiding evidence or manipulating analysis about Moscow's covert operation, according to people familiar with aspects of the inquiry. [...]

Questions asked by Mr. Durham [...] suggest that Mr. Durham may have come to view with suspicion several clashes between analysts at different intelligence agencies over who could see each other's highly sensitive secrets, the people said.

Mr. Durham appears to be pursuing a theory that the C.I.A., under its former director John O. Brennan, had a preconceived notion about Russia or was trying to get to a particular result — and was nefariously trying to keep other agencies from seeing the full picture lest they interfere with that goal, the people said.

Hahahaha, OK, fuck off. So now Hillary Clinton leads the CIA too, we guess.

The Times reports that even FBI and NSA have been like "yeah, bro, that's not it":

[O]fficials from the F.B.I. and the National Security Agency have told Mr. Durham and his investigators that such an interpretation is wrong and based on a misunderstanding of how the intelligence community functions, the people said.

But does Donald Trump know that, and/or is anybody likely to successfully 'splain him that in a briefing with pop-up pictures and pretty colors? And does Fox News know that? Of course not. Let the furious tweets and the breathless Sean Hannity reports about how the CIA is the fucking CIA begin, we guess.

OK, so the theory is that John Brennan is a devil Deep State Hillary monster, but has Durham been actually asking Brennan questions about this? The answer would appear to be no, as the Times quotes Brennan on MSNBC saying if Durham has any questions, he'd be glad to sit down with him and explain Intelligence Community, How Does IT Work?

"It's kind of silly," Mr. Brennan said. "Is there a criminal investigation now on analytic judgments and the activities of C.I.A. in terms of trying to protect our national security? I'm certainly willing to talk to Mr. Durham or anybody else who has any questions about what we did during this period of 2016."

But, Mr. Brennan added, "It clearly, I think, is another indication that Donald Trump is using the Department of Justice to go after his enemies any way he can."

Ya think?

One issue, reportedly, is that CIA wasn't too keen on telling NSA all its secrets about the spy we had in the Kremlin who provided the intel that Putin had personally ordered the attack for Trump. You know, the spy who had to be extracted real fast after President Blabbermouth started giving the Russians highly classified intel in the Oval Office. Imagine the CIA's reluctance.

As a result, as the Times reminds us, when the intel community's assessment on the election attack came out, FBI and CIA were like YEP, Russia did it for Trump, whereas NSA was only "moderate confidence" about that. Of course, the real investigation, led by Robert Mueller, found that Russia absolutely did that to help Trump get elected, and so did the fucking Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee.

We are not in "Mysteries Of The Unexplained" territory here, y'all.

There's more in the Times piece, but it's all dumb, so fuck it.

[Washington Post / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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