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Just now your editors were having a little talky about our secret boyfriend, theNew York Times' token cross-dressing felcher Bill Kristol. "His column is boring and moderate this week," said our Jim Newell. "He probably has some solid shit-eating lines, though." And WALLAH, just like that, we found a nugget of silliness embedded at the very end of this kind of dull review of different strains of conservatism.


Basically, Kristol says that small-government conservatives are fucked forever, so they better start loving big government, or at least start dreaming up new ways to spend the taxpayer dollars they are supposed to dislike spending so much. So here is an idea! In our new era of globalization, in which America no longer fights conventional wars but instead engages in long-term efforts that are a hybrid of nation-building and police action, and in which half of our fucking problems can be directly traced to our dependence on fossil fuels imported from unfriendly thugs in the Middle East and the Caucasus and Africa and Venezuela, Bill Kristol thinks we should spend MORE money on bombs and less on "fanciful" renewable energy projects.

[I]f you’re against big government, you’ll oppose a huge public works stimulus package. If you think some government action is inevitable, you might instead point out that the most unambiguous public good is national defense. You might then suggest spending a good chunk of the stimulus on national security — directing dollars to much-needed and underfunded defense procurement rather than to fanciful green technologies, making sure funds are available for the needed expansion of the Army and Marines before rushing to create make-work civilian jobs.

Clearly, our best hope for a national "project" to revive our economy and restore our standing in the world would be to incinerate a giant bag of one billion dinosaur dicks and then feed the remains to Bill Kristol.

Small Isn’t Beautiful [New York Times]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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