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Billy we hardly liked ye


As almost all of you filthy liberals know by now, it's official: Bill O'Reilly will no longer be the loudest, most obnoxious man on Fox News. It's the end of an error, the demise of a two-decade career of assholery, and a dilemma for anyone trying to compile a list of Papa Bear Billo The Clown's greatest hits. There's simply too much awfulness to choose from! Happily, it's also your Open Thread, so you filthy Wonkers can add your own cherished memories of the spite-filled jackhole as well. First off, the official announcement:

“After a thorough and careful review of the allegations, the company and Bill O’Reilly have agreed that Bill O’Reilly will not be returning to the Fox News Channel,” 21st Century Fox, the parent company of Fox News, said in a statement.

Tucker Carlson will take over O'Reilly's 8 p.m. Eastern slot, and "The Five" will move from afternoons to 9 p.m. "The Five's" afternoon slot will be filled by a solid hour of screaming at black people, we guess. And what's next for O'Reilly himself? Newsmax TV, maybe? A radio gig? Just sitting at home in a chair that's higher than all the others in his living room, looking at piles of money on his couches? Oh, hey, we've got it: We don't give two shits as long as he's gone.

But let's not dwell on the future! Let's celebrate the past, and all the fun times O'Reilly has brought us, starting with the obvious classic, his freakout over a malfunctioning teleprompter when he hosted the tabloid show Inside Edition. He doesn't know what it is, he can't read it:

Let us not forget the Dance Remix, either, one of O'Reilly's greatest contributions to our culture:

This next one is a tad long, but also a classic: Pour a nice glass of something you like and watch Al Franken expose O'Reilly as a Lying Liar at the BookExpo America book show in 2003, after which O'Reilly gets petulant as Molly Ivins looks on in astonishment. Two parts, and well worth the time; if you're in the mood for the full panel, part 1 of 6 is here.

Oh, the memories. You want more? Hey, if you're fixing dinner, you may want to give a listen to Terry Gross's 2003 Fresh Air interview with O'Reilly, which O'Reilly ended abruptly by stomping out of the studio because Terry Gross was incredibly unfair. It's O'Reilly bombast at its best: He considered suing Franken for defamation, but decided not to, since O'Reilly's book was such a huge hit that it was impossible to show Franken had damaged him. Good times! We like the part where O'Reilly is very sad about how people like Franken are cheapening American political discourse.

When some smartass astrophysicist explained there's this thing called the moon, and it has gravity, O'Reilly declared victory: Sure, sure moon, whatever. But how'd the moon GET there? YOU PINHEADS!

Wonkette's Jack Steuf transcribed O'Reilly's reply:

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Sun get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How dit get dere?

See, now you believe in God. It was so desperate of you to think you were made of the things you see around you rather than fucking magic. Because fucking magic is the obvious cause of all things.

(As we all know, the Moon was put there by the NASA, who made a fake moon so we could land on it. It was all staged!)

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read ANY of your books!

So much more O'Reilly Stupid, so little time. Remember when he was the world's greatest War Correspondent, covering the Falklands War and bravely doing it live from a hotel in Argentina? Anyone who says he didn't put his life at risk doing a standup near a demonstration is a filthy liar!

Oh, and then there was Billo's divorce and custody case, when we learned that O'Reilly allegedly beated up his wife, and his daughter was a filthy liar for saying she SAW him as he beated up his wife (loves his darling girl very much, though, the lying bitch), and even the court transcripts lied about how O'Reilly beated up his wife. For some reason, he didn't win custody of his darling lying kids. But he did sue his ex for being a filthy cheating liar.

Also we're pretty sure there was something about sexual harassment, though at the moment, with deadline coming up, it slips our mind. Maybe you can talk about that in the open thread, if you're so inclined.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please hit the "Donate" linky to help us out! We may have a little more to say about Billo's firing in the next couple days, possibly. What's it worth to ya?

[NYT / The Hill]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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