Birthdays In the News, Progress On the March

One, two! - WonketteSo many exciting things happened on June 4, it's crazy!

* It's the 40th anniversary of the Six Day War, in which Israel defeated a triple-pronged prong attack by Egypt, Jordan and Syria in about a week or so. Everything has been peaceful between the Arabs and Jews ever since, so Mazel tov, everybody!

* And a very happy birthday to the Cold War, which just turned 60 years old and doesn't look any older than ... well, Vladimir Putin.

* UN Secretary General Angelina Jolie turns 32 today, an age when everyone really starts regretting those stupid fucking tattoos. Just think, by the time Angelina is Madonna's age, nine out of ten children will belong to her and Brad Pitt George Clooney.

* Ohio Senator for Life Howard Metzenbaum turns 90 years old today. We think he retired, but who really knows.

* The Battle of Midway began on this blessed day in 1942. We won, and there were no more wars. The end.

* And way back in 1919, Congress approved the 19th Amendment and invented the Susan B. Anthony dollar coin. It is amazing how simply allowing women to vote immediately ushered in a New Era of wise, fair and intelligent politicians that still guide us today. The Anthony dollar remains the symbol of our country.

* On this day in 1892, the libtards in San Francisco started the Sierra Club, which saved the environment.

* Also on June 4 -- but this time in 1989 -- our enemies the Red Chinese Communists began killing the pro-democracy students in Tiananmen Square. Many thousands of kids were slaughtered. President George H.W. Bush invaded and occupied Beijing, freeing tens of thousands of political prisoners and putting the Communist Leadership on trial for crimes against humanity. Today, China is both a world economic power and one of the world's greatest free democracies. (Oh, wait, wrong universe. Actually, Washington did nothing about China, but did invade Panama and kill many thousands of innocents that year for no particular reason. Sorry.)

On This Day [NYT]


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