Black Guy Writes Pretty Awesome Letter About Jews

Thomas Lopez-Pierre, who is running for the New York City Council, has done wrote a doozy of a letter about how he loves boning Jewesses (he doesn't say so, but it is totally because we got boobs), and once tried to slash the throats of some other black kids (with a broken bottle!) who were beating up some young Hasids and trying to steal off with their hats, and would like to remind us all that Jewishes have fought and died alongside African Americans for civil rights, and tons of other stuff! He just doesn't like it when we are greedy. Who can blame him? We do not like slumlords either, but that is usually because they are slumlords, not so much because "Jew." Let us travel through Thomas Lopez-Pierre's brain, because that place is Party Central Celebrate Good Times Come On!

Writing to Daily News reporter Celeste Katz, on the record, Lopez-Pierre starts out with YAY ISRAEL and then moves on to

Before I got married, I had the "intimate pleasure" of dating many, many Jewish women. I will spare you the details, but suffice to say I was very impressed.

He moves on to "yay Jewishes helping out with Civil Rights!" giving a special shout-out to Michael Schwerner and Andrew Goodman. That is nice! Thanks Lopez-Thomas! But then -- uh oh! -- things get sticky!

Lopez-Pierre is gonna go after some slumlords, individually! GET 'EM, LOPEZ-PIERRE!

(No drug baby jokes, please, Terrible Ones. Our own sweet baby was born addicted to the finest cracks and methadones his first mama could buy, SAD FACE EMOTICON!)

Then there is a lot more about specific slumlords, and then there is more about Jews pushing their brothers into ovens at Auschwitz, and then there is some good old calling on the black community not to be "Uncle Tom House Niggers," because HOLY SHIT LOPEZ-PIERRE!!!!

Then there is some cussing, and then more "niggers."

And then the piece de resistance, which is fucking awesome:

THAT IS A GREAT STORY, LOPEZ-PIERRE! ALL RIGHT!

So. What have we Learned?

Last week, everyone was up in arms over a Philly mag story about What White People Think About Race. We honestly found nothing wrong with the story, on the real. Now that we are a postracial society, we are supposed to be having a conversation about race, but then if white people join in, they are excoriated up and down the block. (And not even the people who are actually being racist in the story, but pretty much just for the idea that anyone would listen to what some white people think about it at all.) We've read The Invisible Backpack. We know that we are supposed to Listen. But how can we try to change attitudes if we don't even know what the attitudes are, because anybody trying to delve into them is immediately shouted down?

We would much rather listen to Lopez-Pierre go on and on about Jews sucking blood and money from the poor and communities of color, so we can say, "HEY you are super-right about slumlords! But maybe focus on the slumlord aspect instead of the race or creed! DEATH TO DONALD TRUMP WITH VOTES!" Because the alternative -- that Lopez-Thomas never says what he thinks and thus there is no chance to say HOLY FUCK LOPEZ-PIERRE THAT IS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT AND IT IS ALSO HILARIOUS! -- and he just goes on his merry way, with all that shit festering inside, and there's no chance for anyone to persuade him why he might be BALLS-OUT RACIST, and he might, as the saying goes, Come to Jesus.

(Also, "house niggers," Jesus Christ.)

(Also also, thanks for saving those Hasidic kids that day. That was awesome, good job!)

[ Scribd , via @hunterw]