Bonespurs McNoNoRamps Explains How To Afghanistan: First You Bomb The Troops!

Trump

There is this unemployed guy in Florida or maybe in New Jersey, we do not know. He's not allowed to have Twitter, he literally hates the troops, and he got out of going to Vietnam because his feet were allegedly achy. For a brief and embarrassing time, thanks to the help of a hostile foreign nation called Russia and a quirk of our American system that allows actual losers to "win" elections, he served as president.

Oh yeah, and that guy? It was his very stupid decisions last year, including his decision to give the Taliban everything it wanted in exchange for absolutely nothing — Art of the Deal, y'know — that set us on the course to where we are right now with this Afghanistan withdrawal, which is admittedly going pretty poorly.

There are lots of people who are totally qualified to offer their $.02 on what's going on in Afghanistan right now. There are likewise many people who should shut their fucking gourd holes and never utter sounds from them again. Donald Trump is the crown prince of that second group.

Nonetheless, he has advice. He didn't think it through very well, though:


Oh man, if this was a game of The Oregon Trail, poor Donald would have just gotten the dreaded "You have died of dysentery" message. (Was there an Oregon Trail message for "You just massacred literally everyone you're traveling with"?)

Let's parse:

First you bring out all the American citizens.

OK.

Then you bring out ALL equipment.

OK.

Then you bomb the bases into smithereens --

OK, but what about the forts?

AND THEN YOU BRING OUT THE MILITARY.

Wait.

A lot of people are noticing that Trump just bombed the troops before he brought out the troops. And that is a valid criticism. Unless there is some secret step here where the troops are all supposed to hide in holes in the ground far away from the bases (and the forts), then Trump just totally bombed the shit out of the bases (and the forts) with the troops inside them.

That's either highly irresponsible or just yet another fuckin' gift to the Taliban.

Not as many people are noticing that Trump also took ALL the equipment away from the troops before he bombed them. He doesn't specify how much time passes between taking all their equipment and bombing them. Are they just sitting ducks in empty bases (or forts) with no equipment of any kind? And what is he including when he says "equipment"? Did Trump steal their food and their weapons and all of it?

Trump finishes his statement by saying you do it his way and not in some dumb "reverse order" like Biden and the "woke Generals" did. We guess the generals are too busy doing critical race theory training sessions to pull out of Afghanistan correctly.

This has been a message about how to do Afghanistan, from some unemployed weenus who's bad at ramps.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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