Bonus Round & Seating Switcheroo: More GOP Debate Liveblogging!

It's Mitt Romney! - WonketteSpecial new thread for the special whatever-the-hell they're about to do. Group therapy? Circle jerk to Reagan's picture? Let's go!

It's a talk show, it's a game show, and it's after the jump.

9:01 -- We'll do a little bit more, maybe, from the Larry King interviews with Rudy, Walnuts, etc. Maybe. Might also pop a few Vicodin and crawl under the desk to cry for a few hours.

9:00 -- The End. Thanks for playing, contestants!

8:58 -- WALNUTS! will protect the American Family from ... the family monster? And the ISLAMO FASCISTS are coming to get My Friends! Yikes! Never Forget! I am prepared to leave! AND REMEMBER, I WAS TORTURED!!!!!!

8:57 -- Opera-loving dandy: "Nominate me. Don't hate on opera, or my gay roommates. I HATE ARABS."

8:56 -- L. Ron Mitt: "I'll do anything, for anyone, to anyone, to win this."

8:56 -- Duncan Hunter: "All of these other guys are Socialists. They suck Ted Kennedy's dick."

8:52 -- Rudy: "I can quote Abraham Lincoln, a Republican."


8:50 -- Tancredo wants you to cut your ties with the past.

8:50 -- Brownback: "I also will not speak the name of what's his name, the president guy."

8:49 -- And what do you think Bush fucked up, Duncan Hunter? "My son wrote about families."

8:48 -- Gilmore: "George W. Bush has no principals."

8:47 -- Tancredo: "George W. Bush is a flaming liberal."

8:47 -- Sam Brownback will cure cancer, that's what Bush did wrong.



8:45 -- And yet another good moment for Walnuts -- the corruption/spending thing, he's fairly good at that.

8:43 -- McCain has decided to be rational here, noting that Spanish was spoken in Arizona (not to mention California, New Mexico, Texas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Nevada, etc.) long before anyone was there who spoke English. He gets applause for this.

8:42 -- "Bilingual countries don't work," squeaks Tancredo. Uh, dude ... Canada? Switzerland?

8:41 -- Tancredo will not take your dirty Mexican vote. English Glue! English Glue!

8:39 -- L. Ron Romney: "I'll speak Communist Chinese if I can get the nomination. Whatever it takes!"

8:38 -- Mitt, why you flippy the floppy so much on Immigration? WHY ARE YOU DOING ADS IN SPANISH?

8:37 -- Ron Paul gets actual applause for saying it's kind of a moral problem for us how we constantly invade other countries and kill everybody.

8:35 -- Giuliani uses the great example of the war in Vietnam (which we lost) as ... uhm, a blueprint for Iraq?

8:34 -- Rudy thinks the greatest moral challenge to America is getting the right sized dress and high heels for his next performance.

8:34 -- And Huckabee is going to change that. He boldly proposes that we should also have some kind of concern about humans after they get out of the uterus.

8:33 -- Also, we value every life, except for poor people, especially poor black people.

8:33 -- What's the most pressing moral issue, Huck? Let's start with some Jay Leno jokes!

8:32 -- Mitt Romney is going to stand up and walk the fuck away from his socialist health-care system he invented.

8:31 -- Mitt Romney (pictured, right) is going to lie about how he started a state-run health insurance system in Massachusetts that apparently works pretty well, compared to the rest of the country.

8:31 -- Oh, right, he was the "health and human services" secretary or something, wasn't he? Good for you, Tommy.

8:30 -- Tommy Thompson will keep you healthy in the first place. Education, cardio-vascular, obesity, hooray!

8:29 -- Let's see how much they all hate the uninsured poor people.

8:28 -- Uh oh, the lightning is picking up again. Mitt Romney (pictured, right) is hoping his god will get in a strike at that bitch Giuliani!

8:27 -- Hey, you 100 million people who have been doing the same thing, whatever it is? Can you stop that? Then somehow there will be a health-care system in America, according to the crazy ferret from New York.

8:26 -- Rudy seems to believe we have a government-run health-care system. EUROPE'S OVER THERE, DUMMY, TO THE EAST.

8:25 -- Hey, we've also had our vacation paid for by drugs!

8:24 -- Gilmore thinks "conservatism" and "conservation" are the same thing.

8:23 -- Gilmore has made Virginia a nice place for people to visit.

8:22 -- Gilmore's still here?


8:21 -- Rudy seems to believe the Iraq-9/11 bullshit, too. Extra good work, Cheney!

8:20 -- Ron Paul will put flowers in your rifle, fascist.

8:19 -- The blonde thinks Iraq was previously run by "a terrorist leader." Good work, Cheney!

8:18 -- Oh boy, WALNUTS! is going to give us some "straight talk." Here it is: Sadly, the hot gal's brother probably didn't need to die, because George W. Bush screwed it up.

8:16 -- Brownback will bravely put forward a bill to break up Iraq, admit failure, and bring the troops. Yay!

8:16 -- Duncan Hunter thanks her, uses this as an excuse to say his kid is in the service, and that it was totally worth it that her brother was blown up in Iraq.

8:15 -- Yikes, start with the heartbreak. This nice girl's brother was killed in Iraq. She wants to know what they would do to bring the troops home.

8:14 -- Ohhh, now the angry voters will be slinging questions. Let's hope for a Howard Stern fan.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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