Special new thread for the special whatever-the-hell they're about to do. Group therapy? Circle jerk to Reagan's picture? Let's go!
It's a talk show, it's a game show, and it's after the jump.
9:01 -- We'll do a little bit more, maybe, from the Larry King interviews with Rudy, Walnuts, etc. Maybe. Might also pop a few Vicodin and crawl under the desk to cry for a few hours.
9:00 -- The End. Thanks for playing, contestants!
8:58 -- WALNUTS! will protect the American Family from ... the family monster? And the ISLAMO FASCISTS are coming to get My Friends! Yikes! Never Forget! I am prepared to leave! AND REMEMBER, I WAS TORTURED!!!!!!
8:57 -- Opera-loving dandy: "Nominate me. Don't hate on opera, or my gay roommates. I HATE ARABS."
8:56 -- L. Ron Mitt: "I'll do anything, for anyone, to anyone, to win this."
8:56 -- Duncan Hunter: "All of these other guys are Socialists. They suck Ted Kennedy's dick."
8:52 -- Rudy: "I can quote Abraham Lincoln, a Republican."
8:51 -- YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
8:50 -- Tancredo wants you to cut your ties with the past.
8:50 -- Brownback: "I also will not speak the name of what's his name, the president guy."
8:49 -- And what do you think Bush fucked up, Duncan Hunter? "My son wrote about families."
8:48 -- Gilmore: "George W. Bush has no principals."
8:47 -- Tancredo: "George W. Bush is a flaming liberal."
8:47 -- Sam Brownback will cure cancer, that's what Bush did wrong.
8:46 -- STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE, SCIENTOLOGIST; THE QUESTION IS WHAT DID BUSH SCREW UP MOST.
8:46 -- ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION ABOUT BUSH, RUDY.
8:45 -- And yet another good moment for Walnuts -- the corruption/spending thing, he's fairly good at that.
8:43 -- McCain has decided to be rational here, noting that Spanish was spoken in Arizona (not to mention California, New Mexico, Texas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Nevada, etc.) long before anyone was there who spoke English. He gets applause for this.
8:42 -- "Bilingual countries don't work," squeaks Tancredo. Uh, dude ... Canada? Switzerland?
8:41 -- Tancredo will not take your dirty Mexican vote. English Glue! English Glue!
8:39 -- L. Ron Romney: "I'll speak Communist Chinese if I can get the nomination. Whatever it takes!"
8:38 -- Mitt, why you flippy the floppy so much on Immigration? WHY ARE YOU DOING ADS IN SPANISH?
8:37 -- Ron Paul gets actual applause for saying it's kind of a moral problem for us how we constantly invade other countries and kill everybody.
8:35 -- Giuliani uses the great example of the war in Vietnam (which we lost) as ... uhm, a blueprint for Iraq?
8:34 -- Rudy thinks the greatest moral challenge to America is getting the right sized dress and high heels for his next performance.
8:34 -- And Huckabee is going to change that. He boldly proposes that we should also have some kind of concern about humans after they get out of the uterus.
8:33 -- Also, we value every life, except for poor people, especially poor black people.
8:33 -- What's the most pressing moral issue, Huck? Let's start with some Jay Leno jokes!
8:32 -- Mitt Romney is going to stand up and walk the fuck away from his socialist health-care system he invented.
8:31 -- Mitt Romney (pictured, right) is going to lie about how he started a state-run health insurance system in Massachusetts that apparently works pretty well, compared to the rest of the country.
8:31 -- Oh, right, he was the "health and human services" secretary or something, wasn't he? Good for you, Tommy.
8:30 -- Tommy Thompson will keep you healthy in the first place. Education, cardio-vascular, obesity, hooray!
8:29 -- Let's see how much they all hate the uninsured poor people.
8:28 -- Uh oh, the lightning is picking up again. Mitt Romney (pictured, right) is hoping his god will get in a strike at that bitch Giuliani!
8:27 -- Hey, you 100 million people who have been doing the same thing, whatever it is? Can you stop that? Then somehow there will be a health-care system in America, according to the crazy ferret from New York.
8:26 -- Rudy seems to believe we have a government-run health-care system. EUROPE'S OVER THERE, DUMMY, TO THE EAST.
8:25 -- Hey, we've also had our vacation paid for by drugs!
8:24 -- Gilmore thinks "conservatism" and "conservation" are the same thing.
8:23 -- Gilmore has made Virginia a nice place for people to visit.
8:22 -- Gilmore's still here?
8:22 -- RUDY TELLS THE GOOD NEWZ ABOUT IRAQ!!!
8:21 -- Rudy seems to believe the Iraq-9/11 bullshit, too. Extra good work, Cheney!
8:20 -- Ron Paul will put flowers in your rifle, fascist.
8:19 -- The blonde thinks Iraq was previously run by "a terrorist leader." Good work, Cheney!
8:18 -- Oh boy, WALNUTS! is going to give us some "straight talk." Here it is: Sadly, the hot gal's brother probably didn't need to die, because George W. Bush screwed it up.
8:16 -- Brownback will bravely put forward a bill to break up Iraq, admit failure, and bring the troops. Yay!
8:16 -- Duncan Hunter thanks her, uses this as an excuse to say his kid is in the service, and that it was totally worth it that her brother was blown up in Iraq.
8:15 -- Yikes, start with the heartbreak. This nice girl's brother was killed in Iraq. She wants to know what they would do to bring the troops home.
8:14 -- Ohhh, now the angry voters will be slinging questions. Let's hope for a Howard Stern fan.
