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BP 'Ninja Turtle,' Tony Hayward, Gets Yelled At By Congress Today!

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  • The public shaming of BP chief executive Tony Hayward continues this morning, with Congress finally getting its chance to yell at the wealthy CEO of the company responsible for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, which is now two months old and officially way the hell bigger than anybody would announce in public until yesterday. But did you know Hayward has long been known as the "ninja turtle" of, we guess, the oil industry? What are these people, five years old? Tony Hayward made more than $14 million last year, and he simply does not care for working weekends or missing any vacation days, "sailing through the tropics and skiing in Vail." But when a Venezuelan worker was killed on a BP rig, Tony Hayward learned that people always get blown up on offshore rigs, so he learned to Care. BP's former CEO, who resigned in a homosexual court scandal, first noticed young Tony at a 1990 conference in Arizona -- when Hayward and his youthful companions were known far and wide as the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Ha ha and now the turtles and other sea life of the Gulf will become mutants, if any of those animals survive. [ABC News/Guardian]
  • While the seas are still closed around Gaza, Israel has become antisemitic by announcing it will "relax" its three-year-long land blockade around the Palestinian territory. [New York Times]
  • Speaking of all the trouble Helen Thomas caused in the Middle East, both Bloomberg and Fox News are begging for her stinky old chair in the front row of the White House press-briefing room. Bloomberg's political editor, Al Hunt, notes that Bloomberg is a real news organization that has been covering the White House full time since 1993, long before Fox News even launched its 24-hour satirical news channel. [Huffington Post]
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