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BP's Secret Nightmare Revealed: 100,000 Barrels Leaking Every Day

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  • Happy Summer Solstice, Earthlings! Your Earth is bleeding maybe 100,000 barrels of crude oil per day through its Gulf Hole, according to secret BP documents that are no longer secret, thanks to Rep. Ed Markey releasing these no-longer-secret documents. 100,000! That's a little more than 60,000 barrels -- if by "little" you mean, "NO NOOOO JESUS C'MON!" And why do we keep calling it an "oil spill," which sounds like a minor kitchen mishap, when the Gulf of Mexico well disaster is more accurately described as a "gusher"? Because "gusher" sounds kind of porn-y, to America's oversexed and overfed ears, and is there anything more gross than Americans on the Gulf Coast thinking about/having sex? [Reuters/Biloxi Sun]
  • The terrible wildfires scorching Northern Arizona are not proof that God loves Mexicans or anything; catastrophic wildfires in the dried-up Southwest mountains have become "normal," if anything in 21ist Century climate patterns can be called normal. [Arizona Daily Sun/Guardian]
  • America's fat, stupid, doomed children will eat anything with a cartoon on the box. So go ahead and fill that Toy Story 3 carton with raw cauliflower, or flax seed, or opium. [ABC News]
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