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We now live under an administration that derides modernity in all things. Education should be guided by Bronze Age mythology. Settled medical consensus is rejected in favor of lies and poorly constructed, misleading arguments regarding the side effects and the dangers & effectiveness of vaccines. Climate science is not just questioned, but dismissed out of hand as merely a conspiracy theory. Considering their antipathy for all things Arabic (except for petrodollars. They lervs them some petrodollars!), one wonders if they also deny the validity of algebra!


It seems appropriate, then, to bring a modernized version of an ancient recipe to the table this week.

While its progenitors certainly didn't use tomatoes, as the "New World" was still unknown to Europeans, this recipe traces its earliest roots to traditional peasant cooking during the Roman Empire. In a nod to those roots, and out of respect for our current Administration, I have done my best to use an appropriate numbering system and units of measure. Today, we make:

OSSO BUCCO

So tender. Much flavor. Yum!

Serves IV hungry Americans, VIII - XII Europeans or Canadians

Difficulty: III/X. The hardest thing about this is enduring the tantalizing smell while it cooks.

Time: XXX minutes, working: CXX - CLXXX minutes cooking. CL - CCX minutes, total

Intoxication level: Pace yourself. It cooks for II - III hours, and you want to be conscious when it's time to eat.

WHAT YOU NEED!

Ingredientses

  • IV beef shanks, cut II uncia thick
  • II scant acetabulum flour
  • I + I/II ligula salt
  • I + I/II ligula pepper
  • XI scant ligula olive oil
  • I large onion, diced
  • X garlic cloves, minced
  • III celery ribs, diced
  • III large carrots, I/II digitus cubes
  • III dashes Green Chili Tabasco
  • I + I/II ligula orange zest
  • II generous acetabulum Lemon Juice
  • II generous acetabulum Tarragon
  • III/IV ligula sage
  • I ligula parsley
  • III/IV ligula thyme
  • II bay leaf
  • I quartarius and I acetabulum beef stock
  • I quartarius and I cyathus red wine
  • IV large tomatoes, skinned and chopped
    • WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED!

      Whaddyamean, 2 more hours? I want it NOW!!!

      • Heat oven to CCCXXV degrees (f).
      • Combine Flour, salt, and pepper
      • Dredge the shanks in flour salt and pepper mixture.
      • Heat olive oil in stainless steel, oven safe pan and brown beef shanks II - III minutes per side.
      • Remove shanks from oil and add carrots, onion, garlic and celery. Saute II - III minutes.
      • Add the tarragon, sage, parsley, thyme and bay leaves. Saute another II - III minutes.
      • Add the chili pepper and continue sauteing for another II - III minutes.
      • Add the wine and deglaze the pan.
      • Boil for V - X minutes, until reduced by half, then add beef stock and tomato.
      • Return the beef shanks in the mixture and place pan, covered, in the oven for CXX - CLXXX minutes.
      • Remove pan from oven.
      • Move Beef shanks to plate/platter.
      • Add orange zest & lemon juice to sauce. Stir.
      • Ladle sauce over beef shanks.

      Traditionally, Osso Bucco is served on a large platter, surrounded by risotto (some good risotto tips are available HERE), but smooth, creamy garlic mashed potatoes work well if you haven't time for all that adding and stirring.

      Braising, like stewing, is all about cooking meat in liquid for a long time, to both concentrate flavor and tenderize the meat, and this delivers on both, in spades. The beef is meltingly tender and thoroughly infused with the many, many flavors of the sauce, and the sauce gains depth from the richness of the beef, while each differentiates itself from the other.

      Peasant food? Perhaps. But proof, I think, that the Elites could learn a few things from those selfsame peasants.

      Have you noticed that Wonkette no longer has those ads you hate? Instead, it's now fully supported by reader donations! So, if you want an ingredient list in modern measurements, you maybe should give some Ameros, yes? Say, $250 within the next 2 hours? Seems fair to me.

      Fo Sizzle!

      PSYCH! Did you really think Pinkie would do that to you? Here you go:

      • 4 beef shanks, cut 1 1/2 inches thick
      • 1/4 Cup flour
      • 1/2 Tsp salt
      • 1/2 Tsp pepper
      • 1/4 Cup olive oil
      • 1 large onion, diced
      • 10 garlic cloves, minced
      • 3 celery ribs, diced
      • 3 large carrots, 1/2 inch cubes
      • 3 dashes Green Chili Tabasco
      • 1/2 Tsp orange zest
      • 1 Tbl Lemon Juice
      • 1 Tbl Tarragon
      • 1/4 Tsp sage
      • 1 Tsp parsley
      • 1/4 Tsp thyme
      • 2 bay leaf
      • 1 Cup beef stock
      • 1 Cup red wine
      • 4 large tomatoes, skinned and chopped
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    Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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    Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

    President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

    "I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

    That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

    Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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