BRB, Wonkette's Top 10 Has To Go Punch G_d In The Face

Weekly Top Ten

Lula and Donna Rose up to something, I am sure.

Good morning to you! And also to you! I am your host, Rebecca, and I will be taking over Saturday duties for our Robyn, who's on post-second-shot vaxx sleep-all-day, boss's orders. (That young lady still has 16 sick and vacation days left, and it is MID-MAY. ROBYN, STAY IN BED!) So don't expect a lot of posts, you, because I hate writing! (Seriously, don't expect a lot of posts. But I'll definitely get to Marjorie Taylor Greene and what is her damage, at the very sweet-Jesus least.) And what do we have this week for you Saturday morning Wonkers to comment around? Let's find out!

10. Jamie Dimon DEMANDS To Know What Congress Will Spend HIS MONEY On, And It Had Best Be Up To Snuff! Speaking from some experience, he should try telling the military to hold a bake sale, and see if that goes any better.

9. How Did Liz Cheney Become The Sympathetic Gangster In This GOP Gangster Movie? Yeah, really didn't see "Resistance Hero Liz Cheney" coming because I lack that screenwriter's sense of LOL. But "Resistance Hero Liz Cheney" doesn't mean she's actually good, besides doing this good and important thing, as if I have to tell you that.

8. Anti-Maskers So Scared Of Vaxxed People, They Just Might Have To Wear A Mask! Haha, but yeah, they still won't. Luckily, Trader Joe's just announced that "fully vaccinated people" don't have to wear masks in its stores, which means yay, nobody has to wear masks in Trader Joe's stores! (Not yay, I feel all of this is very premature, seeing as how the pandemic is not over yet.)

7. Another Accused Capitol Rioter MAYBE Bad At Crime, Caught After Bragging On Facebook. There were more this week, like the active duty Marine Corps major who was arrested, or the lunatics shouting at their judges on Zoom, but I don't think we wrote about them.

6. Charming MMA Guy Explains Why His Girlfriend Should Make Him Coffee He Doesn't Drink. Wanking motion.

5. Sovereign Citizen Streams Self Stealing Vial Of Vaccine, To Save Us All From 'Poisoning'. This country needs severe investments in education, local journalism, and mental health.

4. Macho Jesus'-Loving Trump Prophet Kicked Out Of Own Church For 'Unbiblical Behavior'. Don't even know what this was, I assume some sort of boning, possibly gay.

3. Did Trumps Bone Secret Service In More Ways Than One? I assume some sort of boning, probably not gay.

2. No, Human Traffickers Are Not Using Cheese To Kidnap People. ... Okay.

1. Very Seriously, Christians Demand To Know Why Joe Biden Is Cancel Culturing God! Half the time I see this headline, I think about that dumb West Wing episode where Martin Sheen chews up the cathedral set, and half the time I think about Andrew Sullivan talking about how his testes supplements make him feel like he could punch God in the face. I don't care for either!

And there you have it!

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Now that you have read your top 10 stories and given us the money we require TO LIVE, you may have whatever these are, like this SRS BSNS.

Lula has vry srs bsns.

And doing her dance of evil, is my five-year-old daughter, AH LOVE MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD GOTH DAUGHTER.

GOODBYE! And see you shortly!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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