We knew he'd somehow take a shit on D-Day, but we didn't know exactly how. Some beltway journalist types have spent the last however many hours congratulating the president for successfully reading a vaguely nice speech, the words of which he did not understand, off the TelePrompTer. Wonkette will not be doing that, as that stain of fuckheadedness and regret deserves no praise.

Instead we'll talk about the interview Donald Trump did with the nighttime Fox News racist lady, Laura Ingraham, and how Trump literally delayed the ceremony at the American Cemetery in Normandy so he could get his Fox News fix.

MSNBC's Hallie Jackson noticed:

And Trump admitted it during the interview:

And then last night, the lady white racist said any rumors you've heard that the president delayed the ceremony -- even the rumors that came from the president's mouth, we guess -- are FAKE NEWS.

How much hot lying garbage is Fox News? That much.

But then there was the content of what Trump said! We're only going to focus on two things, because really, is this particular unelected shithole president worth more than that? No, he is not.

On Robert Mueller:

TRUMP: He made such a fool out of himself, the last time she ... because, what people don't report is the letter he had to do to straighten out his testimony, because his testimony was wrong! But Nancy Pelosi, I call her "Nervous Nancy" ...

And the choir sang, "What the holy fuck are the hemorrhoids in the president's brain chirping about?" (Sing along! It doesn't really fit, but it's to the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful"!)

Robert Mueller's "testimony"? The "letter he had to do" to "straighten it out"? Did somebody hide the wrong mashed up pills between the folds of the president's daily Big Macs? Just ... what?

As far as we can tell -- since Mueller did not "testify," and because he did not in fact "do a letter" -- what Trump is hallucinating about is that weird addendum note released by Mueller and the Justice Department after the morning Mueller spoke for 10 minutes and officially set the Impeachment Train rolling down the tracks, by briefly explaining the actual findings of his investigation, as opposed to all the lies Attorney General Bill Barr has been telling.

If you'll remember, the addendum was weird. Reportedly it was intended to show that Mueller and Barr were actually on the same page (or at least not that far apart) on the rationale for not indicting Donald Trump for his repeated and rampant obstruction of justice. But what it really showed was that any supposed rationales Barr might have wanted to imprint on Mueller's decision not to indict were bullshit, due to the existence of the OLC memo saying sitting presidents cannot be indicted. As in, because of that memo, Mueller didn't even consider any of those questions. And if you took the addendum in the context of Barr's other public statements, and in the context of Mueller's actual report and his press statement, you could see that the two men are very far apart indeed. Barr wants to exonerate the president, because that is literally part of his job description, whereas Mueller believes the question of holding the president accountable rests squarely with Congress. Or, as Mueller put it:

[A]s set forth in the report ... if we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so. We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the president did commit a crime.


[T]he DoJ opinion on indicting a sitting president] says that the Constitution requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrongdoing.

Robert Mueller was just saying.

In summary, nobody knows what kind of paint Donald Trump was huffing when he said that to Laura Ingraham, but we're pretty sure that paint was expired.

Trump also whined about Nancy Pelosi, as he classlessly sat in front of a field of crosses memorializing America's fallen troops in World War II. In this clip, Trump calls Pelosi a "disgrace" and a "disaster" and a "nasty, vindictive, horrible person." (He is upset because she said she'd like to see him in prison. Sean Hannity is also very upset about that, because have you LOCK HER UP! ever heard of a LOCK HER UP! politician in America calling for the LOCK HER UP! imprisonment of one of their political LOCK HER UP! opponents? Us neither.)

As you see, this clip contains the snippet we posted above about Mueller, because the syphilis synapses (allegedly!) in Trump's brain were really firing in all directions. Once he was done bitching about Mueller, he went right back to Pelosi, called her a "disaster" again, said her name is "Nervous Nancy" because she is a "nervous wreck," said some weird things about drug needles in Pelosi's district, and pretended to be appalled when Laura Ingraham helpfully and without a hint of self-awareness pointed out that it's just terrible that Pelosi said Trump should be in prison while Trump was on a trip! (The American soldiers' graves in France really looked nice in the sunlight behind the whiny president complaining about his political opponent, didn't they?)

Would Nancy Pelosi conduct herself in the same way on foreign soil at such a somber event? Would she take the bait and talk shit about Trump? Of course not.

All in all, a completely expected performance from the saddest, most pathetic garbage bag of a human ever to enter the Oval Office under questionable circumstances. Bless all our hearts!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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