BREAKING: MyPillow Guy Mike Lindell Gonna Print YouTubes In Newspapers, Or??? (Unclear)

Media/Entertainment

Tremble and be afraid, Mark Zuckerberg! Pack your bags, Jack Dorsey! Look out, Mr. Google! There's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Mike Lindell. And he's about to throw a MyPillow over your social media sites and cancel culture the very oxygen you breathe!

Or, ummm, something. That dude is out of his fucking gourd, who can even tell what's real with him. But here he is on Steve Bannon's podcast 'splaining how he's about to put Twitter and YouTube out of business.

LINDELL: I've got a new social media channel that's going to be, it's a YouTube, Twitter combined. You've never seen anything like it in the world. It's unbreakable. It's called Vocal, V-O-C-L. It's, uh, we're going to be vocal. This is going to be voices, voices that are unrestricted. You can go — this is for freedom of speech. And all the — everyone's going to come over there and we are gonna just put out a stream of evidence and be able to say the words "Dominion," "Smartmatic," "election fraud," vaccines that mark of the beast. We'll be able to say whatever we want. That's called freedom of speech, First Amendment rights.

Thanks for the video and transcript, Media Matters! And also, vaccines are the mark of the beast now? WHO WHAT? Didn't that lunatic do enough damage already flogging hydroxychloroquine and poisonous oleander to the federal government?


Anyway, Mike Lindell is going to have this site up and running in three weeks. Or maybe 10 days. And you can take that to the bank. (Just kidding, don't put money on this guy, he ain't all there.)

Business Insider reports on Lindell's exciting plan for a platform that combines the best parts of Twitter and YouTube, but optimized for "for print, radio, and TV."

He said he was not relying on the cloud market leader Amazon Web Services, which kicked Parler off its servers after the insurrection, to host the new site. Lindell said he would use his own servers and that the platform had "some of the highest security ever."

It's "space-age stuff," he said. The website is "going to be the most attacked. I expect that," he said, adding: "I'm attacked daily by bots and trolls and hackers. My company gets attacked all the time." He said he'd been working on his social-media site for four years and estimated it would launch in three weeks at the latest, though he added it could be as soon as in 10 days. Lindell, who is planning to be the site's CEO, said he didn't have any prospective investors and declined to say how much money he invested in Vocl.

Presumably Vocl's security will be handled by sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Or perhaps ill-tempered sea bass. Whatever, that's not Mike Lindell's department. He's in charge of going on podcasts and waving his hands around while shouting inanities.

Can you imagine now all the influencers coming, like your Right Side Broadcasting Network. These guys it's their livelihoods. People that have small podcasts, they rely on income from their advertising, and this is going to be the best — people are going to have more followers, ten times more followers. I can't even tell ya that part. That technology, where you're gonna have ten times more of an audience — Steve, your own audience will be ten times bigger. You're never gonna have to worry about a YouTube, or a Twitter again. Jack Dorsey and Mr. Google, they are gonna be a thing of the past, as far as those two entities go.

Lindell assured Bannon that he's got 10 whole guys setting this thing up for him, so he's got it in hand. Take that Mr. Google!

Lindell also appeared on Charlie Kirk's podcast to urge all the very real criminals who stole the election from Donald Trump to turn themselves in to him OR ELSE.

Tell us, Newsweek:

There will be a big surprise of evidence. There's going to be whistleblowers. There's going to be people that work within organizations that are going to come forward so that they don't get longer prison sentences. I will tell everyone out there right now: If you want to reach out to me, you probably should if you're one of the criminals, because maybe you can work out a deal. So you don't get, you know, the longest sentences.

It's kind of like the old, back to the old mafia days. This is going to be so broad, and just explode. And this isn't just who did it, this is people that gonna say they did it, they were part of it. Whistleblowers, law enforcement, we're going to have it all.

It's all happening, you guys! Mike Lindell is just about to blow this case wide open. Right after the people he's been looking for since November 3 have a magical change of heart and decide to confess all their dastardly deeds to some rando who claims he can dispense get out of jail free cards from the DOJ. Only first those criminals have to magically decide to exist. It's a complicated process.

Whew, this post has been exhausting. We need a nap and a prayer.

Good night!

[MMFA / BI / Newsweek]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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